Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi:

I am new to this board and this is the 1st time i am posting here.

My MIL is absolutely annoying. though she lives far away in India, she still manages to get on my nerves.

When i call, she will find something to put me down with - on how i do things incorrectly, so I slowly reduced my calls, and now she complains that i dont call. when i call she says loudly to my sil \" come talk to her, it is not easy to get hold of her\" .
She thinks I need to serve her son head to foot, and i need to act like a servant in the house. my DH is verrrry loving and supportive, and I cant find a single fault in his, except that he doesnt say anything when his mom shows how grt a wife she was, and keeps comparing me with all other DILs in the family.
I have a full time job, a 5.5 yr old son, have a great set of friends, have multiple hobbies, cook every meal and I think i have worked twice as hard as her in the last 9 yrs that I have been married. she constantly got yelled at from my FIL because she was very incapable and lazy.
My FIl was a very nice man though. My MIl on the other hand will not take responsibility for ANYTHING. I just wanted to vent out. any advise is welcome. Silverlining replied. cut down your calling further... sonu1 replied. hi
i agree with Namita and Ritika...I used to do the same when i got married trying to please them by calling etc...and my fil made a dig at me saying that u should call everyday...i turned around and said i dont speak to my mum everyday...for me it was not practical to call everyday as i started getting annoyed with the 1001 questions...what have u cooked what are you doing, where did u go...it started getting on my nerves...then mil would make comments like yes she feeds my son alot of junk food thats why he has put on weight...and that also in front of my family....i felt like saying if u that much worried then come an cook for him urself......so things like this kept putting me off...she would say hi helo to me then tell her son all the storied and news of the famliy but never included me so in the end i gave up and now i dont call her...my fil calls to speak to my son who is 19 months...but i never talk unless i happen to pick up the fone..and to be honest i know what time they call so if i am busy i dont answer the fone and then they say to my dh that oh we called so many times but no one answered....i just say to husband that i am busy with my son and i dont have time to pick up calls...plus i am 7 monts pregnant aswell....
ur lucky ur husband is loving and caring mine is the same but will never speak up to his mum but at the same time he does not force me to speak to her either as maybe he realises it is her fault that the relationship has turned out like this...
u just do what u feel like..at the end of the day if they want respect then they have to give it to...its not one way...and yes so what if they are inlaws that does not mean they have stamp on the backsides to say and behave how they want....if u are right and believe in urself then stick to ur views thats what i do and i am alot happier....

good luck Namita replied. cheers for you stay far away from her and having a lovely husband :)

just ignore her ... in this 2 1/2 yrs of marriage i have understood this .. no need of telling anything to husband ... let her compare .... kutte bhok bhok ke khud hi chup ho jate hai (sorry to use such language) .. its true

njoy ur life with ur husband n child ... whenever u call dnt speak much ... kaise ho, i m fine n give it to ur husabnd ... if she complains keep telling her i tried that dy no one picked up the phone or it was engage

NJOYYYYYY Ritika replied. My MIL and I followed the same graph as you...lots of calls in the beginning with me loving and trying to please her and her acting like lalita pawar. With time I reduced my calls...now i hardly talk to her. Yes, she does complain to my hubby and when I talk to her to me...I still do not let her make me feel guilty. It is totally her fault that I do not talk to her. When you abuse a person non-stop, don' t presume that the person will keep standing there and taking it.

Since your hubby is loving, ask him to praise you a little bit during every conversation...I used to ask my hubby very sweetly (kind of between sweet and naughty) \" aapne meri aaj kya badai ki mummy se\" ...\" aap batao na unko ki kal maine aapke liye kya kya banaya tha...unko achcha lagega ki main apka khayal rakh rahi hoon\" ...in the beginning he never said anything, but after some prodding from me, he started mentioning any goo dthing that I had done..my MIL stopped ridiculing me a lot after that...

And the few times she still did it, I would walk off and give the phone to my hubby. If she cannot talk without yelling at me, then heck..she can talk to an empty receiver...I don' t care...

After this kind of a \" don' t care\" response from me for a couple of years, she has stopped 95%. In fact tries to be friendly nowadays..very recent phenomenon..am still trying to figure out her change of heart.. :)

Or if nothing works, then start comparing her to other MIL' s (nice ones I mean)...give her a taste of her own medicine.. :)