Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

This is in response to all the girls like XYZ espeially who are in US and hate sending $ to in-laws.
Give it a fair thought to what I am saying and you will see how unfair you are in your thought process. Sending $ 3000-$ 4000 is not much money and you should be happy that that amount of money gives you all the freedom of living without in-laws in US.
And don' t forget you are in the US only and only becuase you got married to their son. The job that you are so proud of today is a result of their (IN LAWS) son marrying you. Be real in million years your parents would not have send you to US by yourself. Whatever you are today is becuase of their son. If you would have married to a guy in India, no matter how educated you would be this is not the tune you will be signing.
So have some goodness in your heart and be thankful for what you have.
PS: I live in US and was send to do my schooling here in US by my parents and I married the guy of my choice. And I am relating your behaviour based on my SIL who is living your life in US and still complaning.
SO Stop bickering and enjoy your life and not be petty about $ coz belive in what goes around comes around.
M replied. I somehow dont agree with you. What you need to understand his XYZ' s husband send money only to his parents and not to her parents. If they start sending the same amount to both the families what will they be left with?
You also need to consider that XYZ does not have her own house yet. You do have lot many other responsibilities in your life. After you get retired you cannot ask money to your children to pay your rent. This is your age to earn, invest and save for the future. If you dont do, nobody else is going to do it for you.
Another thing is no parents should treat their children as FDs. They have invested some amount and they want the returns on the investment. That' s bad attitude.
If someone is married to a guy already settled in US or UK does not mean that they should owe to his parents. It' s just a visa formality and is not very difficult to get the visa.
Unfortunately as per the india culture it' s the girl who shifts her residence to her husband' s place. That does not mean that she should owe to his parents and forget her own parents. Kiran replied. I hope that the $3000/ $4000 is per year not per month, as many would end up renting and not be able to settle and afford a comfortable life for themselves and their own families.

I can see the point from both sides of this argument. I am born, raised and married in the UK. I personally believe that if your partners parents are in India, or whatever their country of origin is, that they should fulfil their duties as a child and look after their parents, within reason. The other side (be it Husband or Wife) should know without doubt the intentions of their partner.

I know many girls that have come from India, married in the UK and send money back to their parents. I don' t think that there is anything wrong in this. The problem arises over the amount sent and how often. Husband and Wife must agree what they can afford to send without it having a negative effect on them. There is no point in earning to support family back home, when you are in debt or living on a weekly/monthly salary, with no savings as emergency.

It is sad when the parents expect their offspring to send money back to feed their extravagances. If debt is owed then yes, this debt must be repaid. However, I would hope that most parents would firstly like to see their son/ daughter settled abroad, without any worries.

I think there are some people who think that the streets of UK, USA and Canada are paved with gold, that the money is literally plucked out of trees. Send money back by all means but don' t kid your parents that you are raking it in when in fact you rent, or sleep in your living/ dining room. Trust me you are just getting by. There should be no facade because only you will suffer when their requests for money increase. Be real with your parents and send what you can afford, think of your own circumstances, bills have to be paid, children need to be fed and clothed. Only a fool would live in denial and show that they are living like a King when in fact they are closer to living as a pauper. rajo replied. I don' t think it is right to generalise and say that most married girls living abroad would never have managed to live or work abroad if they were not married.I was educated in India and I am now working in the UK and i very well know that even if i had not married my husband i would (with my parents help)have been able to make my mark here.(without any help of any sort from in-laws!!)
regarding the cribbing about the money we send to in-laws,I agree with you that it is actually good to be supportive and make sure that they live a comfortable life but they should not take undue advantage of us as expect that we take care of their daughter' s family expenditure as well like my in-laws do.As you might very well know we put in a lot of efforts to earn what we earn and we cannot be responsible to take care of others (SIL' s)families. aaa replied. what about the DIL who stay in US, and their mother in law often visit them (every year) for almost 6 month, and above all they have to give them money also. A replied. IT SURELY MAKES SENSE. THE STAY IN US DEFINITELY IS FAR BETTER THAN THE RUT ND RIGMAROLE THE DIL' S UNDERGO HERE IN JOINT FAMILY OR FOR THAT MATTER EVEN NUCLEAR FAMILY.
sss replied. Seema, If I' m not wrong ...The SIL you mentioned in ur post must be ur brother' s wife ?! yes?!