Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

hi,
i am down and out coz of inlaws and then myhusband. well i have a child who is 2 and half yrs old. and i am EXpecting again and in my 14weeks. my unborn baby has not seen me happy so much.
my MIL is very smart. for 5yr she played games and i thought i caught on it but for the last one yr she was quiet after motivating me . I used to fight with my husband regulary as she used to tell me something else and my husband something else and then act innocent and obvoisly being a moms son whose umbical cord has still not been broken i was proved wrong. due to immaturity i didnt understand the game theat she palyed..
now if i ever say anything to my husband he says only one thing.. she who r the only one who has problem, u only wanted me to seperate from my parents.. u just dont like them etc .. and i am now left lonely. he doent talk to me at all.. i am basically too talkitive and share everything with him.. now suddenly a loner.. i cant take it...
in short i want to knwo whether this is a game going on to make sure i am become MAD and he takes away my daughter and asks for a divorce.. he loves his daughter like anything...my inlws dont do a thing for me,.. only talk to my husband.. if i am ill they clal him in the offic and tlak and then he thinks they are nice and caring.. but they are not.. they aRE JUST SHOWOOFING IN FRONT OF HIM,, I CANT UNDERSTAND GAMES.. I AM A KID STILLL.... PLEASE PLEASE HELP.. I DONT WANT TO GO MAD.. I HAVE STARTED TALKIGN TO MYSELF MORE..,. I STILL SPEND TIMEW WITH MY DAUGHTER BUT WHEN SHE IS ASLEEP OR IN SCHOOL I TALK TO MYSLEF ONLY.. I HAVE STARTED BECOMING ALOOF FROM BEING A SOCIAL ELEMENT ONCE OF THE SOCIETY... ( AS IN KITTYS AND ALL)... I AM NOT GOING TO SHRE THIS WITH MY PARENTS AS I KNOW LIKE EVERY PARENTS THEY QWILL SIDE ME AND THEN THINGS WILL BEOCME MORE WORSE..

I AM SCARED ACTUALLY.. AND SUDDENLY... U THINK HE WILL TAKE MY CHILDREN AWAY WHOM I AHVE BOUGHT UP IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE AND SHE IS THE BEST GIRL IN THE WHOLE PLACE.... HE WILL TAKE HER AWAY... PLEASE HELP.... IF THEY ARE MAKING ME MAD I AM BEOCMING ONE... PLEASE I WANT MY DAUGHTER.. ANYWAY .. PLEASE HELP...

MY MIL HAS OFTEN TALK TO HIM OF LEAVING ME HOME.. PELASE DONT THIK THEY ARE UNEDUCATED.. RESPECTED DOCTORS IN THEIR FIELS.. MY HUSNAD IN HIGH POST IN PRIVATE SECTPR/// ME A MBA BUT WAS NOT ALLOWED TO WORK COZ OF MY INLAWS AND HAD TO LEAVE WORK AFTER MARRIGE THOUGH THEY NEVER TOLD ME THIS...
HAVE LOTS TO SHE BUT TELL ME HOW CAN I SAVE MYSELF FROM BEING TERMED MAD.....
I AM A REGULAR WRITER IN THIS WEBSITE IN PRESCHOOL AND ALL.... I AM TOLLTY IN MY SENSES.. BUT I AM SCARED.. I AM REALLY SCARED.. I LOVE MY DAUGHTER .. MY LIFE IS HER.. PELASE TELL ME HOW CAN I SAVE MY INLAWS AND MY HUSBADN FROMT AKING HER AWAY..

SORRY FOR SPELLING MISTAKE.. BUT IF SOMEONE CNA UNDERSTAND ME PLEASE REPLY..
sss replied. hi riti,
while reading your and chandra' s story,one understand how badly inlaws can affect the peace of mind of their daughter-in-law' s.and how desperate the wife must be to get her husband to her without the influence of in-laws.i wonder why these husbands still dont understand their wife' s needs and clutch to their parents.ofcourse he is their son and has some responsibility to them.but after marriage his biggest responsibility is his wife and her happiness.why dont men understand this?and what do they gain in return?entire family includings the kids are badly affected.
riti,dont be upset.be happy for your daughter and for your unborn baby.your happiness means a lot to them.all the best. sonu replied. Dear Riti,
U r in ur senses and clever enough to know whats smoking behind u!

None can take ur daughter away from u. Even ur hubby doesnt leave u. Congrats that u r bringing one sibbling for ur dearest daughter..And I wish u best of the life.
Everything will be settled !

Its thta u r in pregnancy and may be having moodswings ,so scared more than u need.
I assume u r overthinking on it. Sometime before , I used to be scared in many ways. Its just monster in law playing mind game.
If she is a doctor, u r also an educated and a genration ahead than her. so u defiitely clever enough to handle ur problems. Keep faith in ur strngth. Stop thinking u r naive to politics. u dont need any politics to gain ur husband trust. He soon can realise where truth lies.

Ok. stop treating urself in self pity and stop talking to urself. Instead, do some yoga or mediatation. I know taking control of mind is impossible when we r in HER thoughts.

But I could do it. I didnt do any mediatation or yoga...but started some puja and concentrated on it. I decided to not to give any space to her in my thoughts.
Just spending happy time with my dear hubby. Yes ,i hated him like anything when he was doing nothing but shaking his head to his mom.
But I decided myself to live happily without anyone' s interferencein my mind.

First, Riti, Take ownership on husband and feel he is ur' s! So u juts can think of her as an outsider and definitely can love him though its tough. Just like him as he is ... and spend good time...talk cool, smiling and always look pleasant.

it makes difference. In ur hubby' s presence, Tell him u both are not going to fight on any issues related to them. Decide on it. He must be willing a peaceful life with u . Why u have developed the feeling \" he' ll leave u soon and take ur daughter away ?\"
Can u pl tell any strong reasons that u smelled ?

First, make urself feel better. No one is going to do any harm to u without ur permission. Show ur confidence and courage.

Do u know what? Even cruel animals cant do any harm to us unless they sense fear within us. So, dont show ur fears to them. Live confident and courageous.Tell him u want to live a peaceful life with two cute babies.
U want to make a good wife and good mother in ur life and u need his support for that. Also, riti, Dont ever get inlaws topic urself.Dont be nagging.
Alwasy look pleasant and happy ! he should be surprised of seeing u quite happy!

All the best and I want to listen more frm u if I were incorrect in assuming anything.
Sunita replied. Hi Riti

You are playing straight into their hands - wake up and smell the coffee. You are playing along wth your MIL' s games when what you should be doing is ignoring her and not saying ANYTHING to your husband until he approaches you!

Girl sort yourself out - You' re not naive as you may think as know exactly what is going on, you' re more than aware of the monster-in-laws games. You need to work out an action plan and stop crying over what they can/won' t do.

You' re not going crazy as you' re aware of what is what. Dont think that you are,otherwise you will fall into their trap hook,line and sinker. You are making this sooo easy for them!

I take it you are well educated - did you always have your head stuck in a book - did you not realise what lies outside of college??? I can' t believe that you can be so naive, you have been exposed to all sorts of characters in early adulthood, was no-one in your family difficult???

As for your daughter well it' s obvious how much you love her, but if you want to keep her, be a good role model and don' t take any rubbish from ' them' . Stand up for yourself.

Riti stop wallowing in self pity, be brave, do it for your daughter if you can' t do it for yourself. She will look at you to learn what a woman is - would you like her to be in your postion? Your husband and in-laws walk all over you and manipulate you because you let them! Your parents didnt just educate you so you could have a few letters after your name!

Unfortunately,your in-laws have pushed you into the position where you need to be as ruthless as circumstances allow you to be.If i was in your postion i would go to my parents house WITH MY DAUGHTER, it is best you go on YOUR TERMS, not wait for them to push you out. If they took you home and left you there, how would you feel? Take some responsibility for your own actions, if you know that you have done no wrong then act like it!!Im sure your folks will understand and respect you as an adult for making a stand instead of fighting, which is no good.

Explain to your not so DH, that you are not jeaopardising your health OR that of YOUR UNBORN CHILD. That you need a break from this constant arguing. That you have done nothing wrong and that your children will always come first. He needs to realise what is MORE important to him - to be a good father or a good son. He knows where to find you and the kids when he comes to his senses.

I hope to God that you find the strength to act with intelligence and maturity. To the point where even your mother in law will be surprised and in a weird way admire your strength to hold your own family together.May God give you the strength to change what you control and accept the things you cannot.

Good luck and God Bless
p.s congrats on your baby (im 13wks!)