Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi guys...long story, but its so bizarre..or maybe not..but seriously, its crazy!

so i got married like 7 mths ago. i talked to my fiancee, met thru parents, for 6 mths before we actually got married, talked all the time, on the phone, met up a few times between. so we got married, it was an amazing wedding.
went to the inlaws place, he worked three hours away, so me and him found a place close to his work. on weekends, we drove back to my inlaws and go back for monday workday. my FIL is quite ill, he has cancer, but is doing A LOT better. its pretty much stopped now.
so i knew before we got married FIL was sick. I was never one to want to live on my own, i wanted to live with and take care of my inlaws.
before we got married, my DH would tell me so many things, like how we were gonna do little trips here and there, before i went away back to school. None of that happened. ok, understandable, we had to go home every weekend.
seemed like me and DH started to get into fights. i started resenting him, but i dont know why. it just didnt seem like the happy marriage we were going to have.
FIL got involved, he called my dad, saying me and DH were not getting along. my dad got on the next plane to fix the situation. EVERYTHING me and my husband talked about, in private, whatever it was, good or bad, DH told his father. (i was quite upset about that)
so my dad came, and FIL started saying that i should go back with him and think about what i did!!! needless to say i was SHOCKED. now i should mention, i got pregnant very quickly after the wedding. during this ordeal i was 3 mths pregnant. my dad had to basically BEG my FIL to let me stay with them, the inlaws house. my DH had NOTHING to say. seemed to me then, that the FIL would tell him things, and he would listen, and obey. alright, so we got over that hump. i was very very angry at the whole thing, but what could me and my dad do! being the girl' s family, what say did we have! i mean, my FIL was talking about abortion AND divorce!!

so things were a bit better after that. i didn' t trust my husband as much, but it was coming back. now, i went away to school, to prepare for an exam and start my studying again. I had been pushing my exam back because of course, family stuff. its a medical exam, people take mths and mths to prepare and study for it and basically forget about the rest of their life. Now, being newly married, dad being sick, trying to live up to their expectations, i didn' t get enough time to study, so i left for school, started, and pushed my exam back two mths to prepare. THIS was a HUGE problem for my FIL. he got very angry, saying i wasnt smart enough, i wasn' t going to become anything, etc etc. he also said to me that i was NOT to come back home until i was done my degree AND the baby could be born here with me and come back with me when im done. THIS IS HIS GRANDSON!!! i was shocked again! i didn' t know why he was sooooo angry. of course, he said things to my DH and of COURSE the husband started saying the SAME THINGS. i was like...aren' t you at all concerned about your unborn child! again, they got my parents involved, but this time, my dad was mad. he said, this is a stupid reason to be angry about. my DH said, to take my exam NOW and everything would be fine.....or take it when i want and not come home for two years!!! My dad was angry, he didn' t take this sitting down like last time. He said, if these people are going to act this way, then who cares! everytime..for some reason, FIL gets DH mad at me! and NOW, the inlaws are all better, and the DH is still mad. I tried talking, calling, emailing him, but i used to get rude comments, so i stopped. and now he wants me to continue!! i told everyone, my parents, inlaws, him, that i wasnt gonna take anymore hostility from him.
I don' t have any trust in my husband anymore. I don' t know why my FIL is out to get me. I have never disrespected him, I' m always there for everyone. but if something he doesnt like happens, the first thing he thinks..divorce..separation...and my husband follows along like a little puppy!! thank goodness my parents were supporting me though. they knew how ridiculous it was for these people to force me to take a test i wasnt ready for!

how do i trust my husband again. he acts like i did everything wrong by not listening to his advice, and doesnt even think about what he was saying to me!!! its so upsetting. im getting over it, but now im scared im going to live a life without loving my husband. because as of right now, i dont! and trusting him again...i dont think i can. so many threats, about divorce and making me leave or not letting me come back. i wish they would just get it over with!! Sunita replied. Firstly, well done for getting through this! I know you' ve got some way to go but being 3mnths pregnant myself, i have to give you credit for being so strong! Hormones,feeling like someone' s taken over you body and dealing with this nonsense too?!!! You' re one tough cookie! Respect to your dad for backing his girl, your lucky to have that support!

Ok, your DH is acting like a prized prat! He needs to choose whether he wants to be a good son or a good father! Don' t be offended but your F.I.L isn' t in the best of health, you' d think he' d want to spend the rest of his days in peace and look forward to having grandkids. Some ppl just don' t learn,even when death is knocking on their door.Unfortunate.

As for Hubby,he needs to wake up and realise when his Dad' s gone, that it will be too late to be there for those precious first moments of your babys life. He needs to be around now. I don' t know if your showing yet but it will hit him like a ton of bricks when he see' s your bump! (Hopefully it will metaphorically knock some sense into him!)

So where is your M.I.L in all of this? Is there anyone in your in-laws who you can turn to for support?

You need to be resilient.If he isn' t with you when you go for your scan then send him a pic. He can' t walk away from his responsibility. Don' t give them the opportunity to say you never kept them involved.

I really hope things work out for you. You sound like a nice person who' s had to put up with a lot of the proverbial! Keep your chin up and look to your own family for support and kindness, this baby will be loved regardless of your in-laws!!
GOOD LUCK!!! sss replied. just married for 7 months,involved your family and in laws two times for solving problems,talking about divorce and pregnant.yes,your problem is a serious one unlike most posts here which are actually about dealing with simple problems of life.
dont panic,sit and think what you want.do you want to continue or not.since you are already on the family way,i would advice you to give your marriage another try.call your husband,listen to him and gain his confidence.adjustments and understanding should be from both sides.take pofessional help if you can.
all the best