Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I have been married for over 2yrs and am expecting my 1st child in July. My work takes me all over England so i spend a lot of time away from my marital home (i live with my dh family - mil,fil, 3 bil' s). After a long discussion/ argument with dh, i agreed to having the baby at my ILs, despite cultural views on having first born at the mother' s parents home.

The problem is, however, that i find being at my IL' s very stressful as the bils dont work despite being in their mid 20' s - mid 30' s. I find it infuriating that my mil will go to work and then come home to look after her ' babies' . Whilst my hubby is self sufficient and self employed, i feel everyone is taking advantage of him. When i am at home, i am expected to cook and clean after my bil' s, which really annoys me. The way i see it, they can at least contribute to the home by doing household chores, if they cant get off their lazy butts and work to financially contribute!

As you can see the whole situation does upset me but i am unable to do anything about it. When i initially got married i tolds my hubby what i thought and he said that him and his bros had an agreement that the ' wives' would stay out of their faces and not complain abt anything!

I also have brothers and let me tell you they all work and are fully domestic! Their wives compliment my mother on how well they have been raised! So you can see what i am used to.

I guess the main thing is that i am now 3mnths pregnant and the thought of moving back home permanently, once maternity leave kicks in is stressing me out! Does anyone have any advice for me on how best to deal with this nightmare? Smrity replied. Well, like Namita...I would suggest u to go to your mom' s home for delivery and come back only when you have gained enough health.

Forget about cultural views....more important is your health. I am 21 weeks pregnant and I know I get tired so quickly now a days and my mom says that after delivery it will take some time to gain back my energy and get back to my original self. Also after the delivery, baby will have a different schedule and you have to change your schedule accordingly. In that situation, I can’t imagine you also doing household works. You will need to take lot of rest and just focus on your baby….and that you can only do at your mom’s place.

You better discuss these aspects with your husband. Tell him that in a current scenario you cannot imagine giving due attention to your baby and explain him that you cannot take rest which is very much required post delivery. I hope he understands and even if he doesn’t you better talk to your mil and go to your mommy’s place. Probably your husband will get angry but once you will be back with your baby, he will forget everything.

And sweetheart, don’t take tension and most importantly don’t stress yourself. You should be happy and cheerful.

Enjoy your pregnancy. It’s an awesome experience.
Namita replied. y dnt u go at ur mothers place .... if this is so hectic ... working for bil' s and with husbands attitude that they ahve already decided ... i suggest better u go at ur parents places instead of stressing urself aa replied. hi Stressed and pregnant. When i was pregnant with my first, i cried alot cuz of my inlaws, now my son is 2yo. i regret letting them upset me so much! my il' s dont live with me, but they would make me and husb fight (like they always have done). ithought that they would have a little bit of compassion and keep quiet through out my preg, so that me and my baby were healthy. But that was asking too much of these rude ignorant people!! i was in and out of the hospital many times before i had given birth. so my advice to you, let your il' s behave however, you can only change your own attitude, dont let them hurt you in this very special time in your life. thats what i did, and my preg was a tough one cuz of it, enjoy and relax, think of things/people that make you happy....good luck aa replied. hi Saheli replied. I am not commenting on how the ILs are or how the relationship is -- I am not even considering it.
I simply believe that a woman should choose the place to deliver the baby where she finds it comfortable. Also it would be good to have someone help you after you deliver. Managing the baby alone and other related small tasks like lil bit of cooking, housechores, are too stressful. Best would be to have a helper for you and baby.

Good luck and enjoy your pregnancy!