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Role of in-laws:question

2008-01-16

Name: Dd Hi,

If you friends remember my story, we(me & hubby) r still not on talking terms with my sil. But ok with il' s.
now tomorrow is my sil' s birthday & today my fil called my dh and told him that whatever hurting words you said to sil in the fight when u left home were not good & true, so you send her a sorry card & boque of flowers tomorrow for her birthday. my dh told him NO but it upsets him & hence me that still his parents does not understand him & thinks that he is wrong & not their daughter. it makes me very sad to see him in that situation.
Hey girls, advice me what can i do to make him feel better & if possible make il' sunderstand our point of view (which looks impossible at te moemnts.
they r giving into her all whims & supporting her in everything she does even if its wrong & wants us to do the same but we can' t take it anymore & that is why my dh took this step of seprating to bring them some senses. they should understand that who is going to take care of her(sil) when they(paernt' s r no more), if they don' t make her realise her mistakes.
can' t understand what else can be done.
i was so happy before 2 hrs. bcs one of my best friend of college has come to india after along time & she caled me to let me know. i will be meeting her after 8 years. but just now i went to my dh' s office for tea break & he told me about the phone call. which made me upset.

Subscribe to this conversation Reply Anonymously

Hi,

If you friends remember my story, we(me & hubby) r still not on talking terms with my sil. But ok with il' s.
now tomorrow is my sil' s birthday & today my fil called my dh and told him that whatever hurting words you said to sil in the fight when u left home were not good & true, so you send her a sorry card & boque of flowers tomorrow for her birthday. my dh told him NO but it upsets him & hence me that still his parents does not understand him & thinks that he is wrong & not their daughter. it makes me very sad to see him in that situation.
Hey girls, advice me what can i do to make him feel better & if possible make il' sunderstand our point of view (which looks impossible at te moemnts.
they r giving into her all whims & supporting her in everything she does even if its wrong & wants us to do the same but we can' t take it anymore & that is why my dh took this step of seprating to bring them some senses. they should understand that who is going to take care of her(sil) when they(paernt' s r no more), if they don' t make her realise her mistakes.
can' t understand what else can be done.
i was so happy before 2 hrs. bcs one of my best friend of college has come to india after along time & she caled me to let me know. i will be meeting her after 8 years. but just now i went to my dh' s office for tea break & he told me about the phone call. which made me upset. Dd replied. hi
iwas very upset yesturday 7 could not concentrate on my work 7 kept browsing till 6.30 than went to my dh' s office. he has this ability to imerse himself in work despite of any distubances & he was very busy because we had previous 2 day off for kite flying festivle. he finhed his work at 7.30 than we wne t out for dinner & than we wnet my friends place & came back hoem at 11 & than watched dvd till 12.00.
i got soem bad dreams in the morning & than i talked to my dh & he said that is why i don' t tell you evrything but you insist.
but we have decided we are not going to say sorry or even wish her bcs its not our fault.
so i am at peace today & now i will try to concentrate on work bcs i have a big back log & have to go out of town for weekend for new project. Namita replied. ask ur husband to send her a bouque and card it shud b bday card not sorry ... u call her to wish, if ur husband dnt feel like then leave it ...

i dnt think it is possible to make them understand .. infact i feel they know very well that their daughter is wrong bt just dnt want to agree to it and may b they want u people to say sorry just to relax their and their daughters ego

even i have sil, she is still in college but whtever she does my MIL supports her ... she supports her till the extend of bunking exam and lies at home ... once my DH brought to their notice a cheat which my SIL carried during exam but u know wht happend .. this people asked us to move out of house

so its better not to get much involved ...u just send a bday card and bouque and u make a call ... finish the topic here .. njoy ur day with friend dnt waist this beautiful moments for such ugly people Friend replied. Hi Dd
Take it Easy Dd. She is not married and she see all the other people around her is married and happy that' s why she is frustrated. It happen. what you can do is don' t send her sorry card but still you can call and wish her for her birthday. you guys are living seprate, she is not going to interfere in your life again. and at last if you too behave like her then there is no difference between you two. Ritika replied. Hi Dd,

I' m sorry but could you refresh our memory about why you are not on talking terms with your SIL...I went back but did not find your old message about this...

Ritika

2008-01-17

Name: Dd
Subject:

update

hi
iwas very upset yesturday 7 could not concentrate on my work 7 kept browsing till 6.30 than went to my dh' s office. he has this ability to imerse himself in work despite of any distubances & he was very busy because we had previous 2 day off for kite flying festivle. he finhed his work at 7.30 than we wne t out for dinner & than we wnet my friends place & came back hoem at 11 & than watched dvd till 12.00.
i got soem bad dreams in the morning & than i talked to my dh & he said that is why i don' t tell you evrything but you insist.
but we have decided we are not going to say sorry or even wish her bcs its not our fault.
so i am at peace today & now i will try to concentrate on work bcs i have a big back log & have to go out of town for weekend for new project.

2008-01-17

Name: Namita
Subject:

i remember once u had said, we have similiarities ... our situations are also almost same ... n yes, even i get bad dreams after i listen to such things or think abt. their doings ... njoy ur life ... just ignore them

2008-01-16

Name: Namita
Subject:

ask ur husband to send her a bouque and card it shud b bday card not sorry ... u call her to wish, if ur husband dnt feel like then leave it ...

i dnt think it is possible to make them understand .. infact i feel they know very well that their daughter is wrong bt just dnt want to agree to it and may b they want u people to say sorry just to relax their and their daughters ego

even i have sil, she is still in college but whtever she does my MIL supports her ... she supports her till the extend of bunking exam and lies at home ... once my DH brought to their notice a cheat which my SIL carried during exam but u know wht happend .. this people asked us to move out of house

so its better not to get much involved ...u just send a bday card and bouque and u make a call ... finish the topic here .. njoy ur day with friend dnt waist this beautiful moments for such ugly people

2008-01-16

Name: Friend
Subject:

take it easy

Hi Dd
Take it Easy Dd. She is not married and she see all the other people around her is married and happy that' s why she is frustrated. It happen. what you can do is don' t send her sorry card but still you can call and wish her for her birthday. you guys are living seprate, she is not going to interfere in your life again. and at last if you too behave like her then there is no difference between you two.

2008-01-16

Name: Ritika
Subject:

Re:

Hi Dd,

I' m sorry but could you refresh our memory about why you are not on talking terms with your SIL...I went back but did not find your old message about this...

Ritika

2008-01-17

Name: Dd
Subject:

sil

Hi Ritika,

my sil is older to my dh. she is very telaented but does not stick to one thing & keeps changing jobs & does not work for very long time in between. she does not even help in any household chores but wants everything according to her taste & liking.she boses everyone. finally she got married before 3 yrs at the age of 37 but came back within a week & than took divorce. i mean she never wants to adjust on anything with anyone. my dh is ver hardworking person & he always had differences with her for attitudes. he is very patient guy but looses his temper very badly once in while when it gets too much. so before 6 motnhs he had this big fight with her & he decide to leave the house immediately, so we paked & left. my fil was not home at that time so he has not seen what happened but heard account of it from my mil & sil. we stayed in makeshift arrangements for 1 months & than finally rented a place. It herts both of us very much to see mil-fil working at this age, but we can´ t take it any more. since than she is not talking to us. we go their for evry festivle bcs my dh wants to show fil-mil that we don´ t have any problems with them bt she always makes faces at me & shouts at mil-fil for silly reasons when we are there. my fil is getting her treatment for clinicle depression but has not workd. she ahd thyroid problem since 3 yrs but she keeps changing doctors. she needs to reduce weight according to doctor but she does not want to change her lifestyle. i mean she wakes up at her own time & gets up from the bed only when her tea & breakfast is own the table. i used to do it for her but now either mil-fil does for her. imagin your 65 yr old mom or 72ur old doing it, how you would feel?
it boils our blood but we can´ t help it. she does not do any physicle activity & used to shout at me for putting less oil in every food.

this is a snapshot of her. if i keep writng it will get very long. i hope you got a picture.

Dd

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