Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

i' ve posted on this board several times on how controlling/interfering my inlaws and SIL are.
My husband tells them everything on a daily basis...he gets a cold he calls both MIL & SIL..who comes to our home over the weekend or what goes on during weekdays they know it all. The problem is he tells them everything and thats how they control...he says that they r very caring and thats why they call so many times. I' ve been married 4 years - we are 10 months apart and have no kids yet. Inlaws live in Middle East and we live in US. Many have posted on how they live in Joint family and how couples dont get privacy. In my case, we live oceans apart and we still have no privacy. And MIL has to know all our freinds etc so she can brainwash her son. He cannot learn anything from any1 cos he will tell her everything and then she says \" beta aise nahin hota...woh galat hain\" . Hes so dumb....I am going insane.
Recently I booked a vacation to go home for 10 days in Dec. and he called his sister who we had visited in Feb. 07 already. He said that SIL wants us to come Nov. end for thanksgiving (US holiday). My parents are 1 hr flight away and I visit once a year. So basically SIL couldnt tolerate that I was going home. Normally, I had visa issues so I had to go home every yr. This time I got a US GC so there was no need.
So later that week we had a fight abt something else and my husband said that I need to ask my manager for a day off (cos I had told him she wouldnt give me that particular day off cos its busy then).
After this, his parents called and told us that FIL had chest pain and then he was admitted to hospital for test and also an angio. My husabnd wanted to wait for results but I told him lets fly. Then he had bypass surgery and we stayed for 2 weeks. As soon as I got there MIL said ' are u expecting...u look tired' . Instead of worrying abt husband she was concerned abt me.
Then the last day we were there and my husband wasnt around she said ' did u conceive? I dreamt abt u being pregnant' . I told her ' no, its all in God' s hand...since u do so much puja maybe u should wish for a child' . Then we had to goto hospital and the driver was with us. She tells me in the car ' do shiv' s puja every Monday he will grant your wish' ...i said to her' what will Shivji do....i know women fast on Mondays to control son & husband...i belive in all Gods...pls Stop it...everything happens with time...pls take care of FIL' . 10 minutes later she said ' maine naraaz toh nahin kiya...tu toh meri beti jaisi hain' . Basically she straigtened up. Now I wonder how she will brainwash my husband even more. All this happened without my husband around us but I did tell him part of the story that maine kaise mil ko explain kiya and that she needs to worry abt FIL and pray to God for a grandchild' . I dont know what her problem is. The servant cum driver had already bcome a good freind of mine and told me that' madam ko apne hila diya' . Now I' m worried how she' ll get bk to me at a later stage. I am sure my going to visit them for the 2 weeks doesnt matter cos its our farz. She even said that when FIL was doing our tareef. Plus she' d always appreciate her son and not me but FIL would say something nice abt me. So for my husband its not a big deal I guess. He had told me b4 marriage that we would live together - my inlaws would move in with us. Now that he' d have hi insurance in the US - the probablity would b lower but my husband has been talking abt us moving there which i am not in favor of at all. what do I do? i guess brainwashing has begun...not that it wasnt done b4 - all 3 talk to him daily at work. btw SIL never showed up and is still planning to visit - excuse - she has 2 little boys inspite of her being a stay at home mom. M replied. Take help from any outsider who is close to your husband. The problem is with your hubby and not your in-laws. He seems to be under the impression that whatever he is doing is normal. Ask this outsider to explain why it is not right.
DO NOT involve your parents or any of your relatives or your friends.
I have gone through this phase. After my mariage, my MIL told us to call her everyday and update her.
Don' t worry. Everything will be ok. You need to have patience for couple of years. DO not lose your balance at any point of time. Think about the situation as a third person. You will get solutions. anita replied. i can undrstand how u situation.As im also in same situation my mil brain washes my husbnd a lottt..wen evr she is going out of station he has to spend hoursss of togetthr just to take her advices he simply nodss his head..i dont undrstn why they r like tht..where as women can think more maturely than men if some tries to brainwash me i would simply ask them to get lost who ever its is..but thes husbands have veryyy gr8 patience towrds there mom n family wen it cumes to there wife and there family there patience is simply EXHAUSTED.I have not clue to sujjest you i hope somebody shuld sujjest..i have tried so many ways of stopping these brain washing sessions but it increased day by day..so i feel we cannot stop it in any ways..Let see if some one has good advice..