Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Yest. my MIL came up with the fight ... it started like this .... yest. i made sweet item and kept 5 peace for home rest i brought to office, u might reember my IL' s dnt eat anything tht i make they jst throw it in dustbin or hand it over to me to give it to begger .. so i kept each for my MIL, SIL, FIL and 2 for my hubby bt in the afternoon my SIL ate all those 5 peace, now my MIL & FIL were out of station n they had told me specifically over phone that make food after coming from office dnt make anythign in morning so i had made the food in evning ... now while having dinner my MIL was looking at my husabdn bocz she didnt find sweet item as it was upvas yest. .... so my husabdn said that SIL (his sister) ate all 5 she(myself) had kept.. my MIL said why did she keep only 5 i make so much .... at that time i didnt say anythgin bt later i cudnt control myself n told her in a very low tone that i kept 5 bcoz last 2 times when i made 21 peaces u asked me to give to begger next day which i feel bad always and u do this with whtever i make ... after hearing this ofcouse she denied abt it and she got chance and created huge drama ... she told us once again to move out of house ...... now they have one house in Slum Rehabilation Project, u can understnd wht type of people live in such buildings they want us to go n live there ..... now my husband is sayign v vl go n leave there .... n he is blaming me that u started the topic, who told u 2 explain her? u cud hve ignored her? do i say anthing to u? u know her very well? u shud adjust to it? bt my question is Y ALWAYS ME

I said that bcoz i wanted my FIL to know wht my MIL does ... bcoz she does every bad thing behind others so he vl feel i pruposely kept 5 peace ... i wanted eveyone to knw the reason

No one pointed my SIL' s mistake that she shud hve seen that only 5 peace are there so she shud hve eaten jst 1 ... n on top of that my MIL is blaming me of not cooking food in morning i told her u only aksed me to cook in evening then she is saying then also u shud think abt SIL and cook and if i would have cooked she wud hve said that purposely u cooked food in morning so that v vl eat stale food during upvas

girls pls. help me .... was i wrong in bringing to notice that y i kept 5 peace ... abt. food i know all this the drama my SIL and MIL did, i can say they are Ras***ls

now my husabdn is feeling very low and constantly tellin me tht bcoz u made 5 peace everyghin happened ... bcoz u went n spoke to her everything happened .... bt wher i went wrong

one more thing ... when my MIL was saying tht I dnt knw to cook etc. etc. .... i told her one eg. tht 2 of her relatives told me tht \" ur MIL dnt to cook chicken we cant evn eat that\" ... i told her this and explained that y people sya this when u (MIL) feel that ur food is THE BEST .. bcoz everyone have different taste ... same is with my food have different taste for that she shud not keep on blamming me .... bt now her ego have got hurt and she is behaving like wild dog tht how dare someone said bad abt. my food and again my husband is blamming tht y did u tell her ....she will crib abt. it for whole life (i didnt give her any name) ....

pls guide me on following:

shud i stay in another flat .. bcoz my husband is saying y shud we waist money on rent let us stay there ... let our relatives realise wht parents do with us and sooner or later when we will buy our new flat no one will balme us eveyone vl blame them .....

how shud i behave with my MIL now ... i had taken out my hand from almost all cooking work eveen when i was at home ... i use to do clenaign cleaning nd only cleaning bcoz i hate to do wht she does ..... bt now yest. she brought this out n said u only cook i vl guide u ..... she is supper dominating she wants her bahu to only say yes yes nothing else

she was askign my husabdn to tell me to leave job and do work ... when my husband didnt say anything she said this girl will leave u but not her job ... if u dnt belive ask her to leave her job and see ... my MIL knows very well tht whever i m, whever confidence i have and whever i say and bcoz which she cant dominate me and bcoz whihc my husbnd also feels proud abt, me is my Job and she have targeted that

pls help me
Namita replied. gg,

fine, i hve written for u in one msg. tht dnt invite her if u r not comfortable we are happy with each other.

To all,

i have told my hubby to live this house .. the other house which thy told us to go is also in their name ... so it is all in their hand if they allow us to live their and on top of tht the other house they hve given on rent ... i dnt think they vl cancell the agreement for us .... i feel like going to some other place on rent if they dont give ... bt doubt if my hubby agrees ... n money is also a concern, as my hubby say tht still after leaving from here he will give them money so it will be a very financially tight situatin for us .... pls pray for me tht they themselve allow us to go ... i m fed up ... i come home with a fright and tension .... God should do something ... i m very jovial perso and confident bt all this IL' s prob. i m not able to handle ... i m broken now .. evn in office people ask me if i m not well, they say it looks as if i have lots of strain ... pls. pray for me ... thts y i said that gg u r gr8 as i m nt at all able to handle more stress .. i thank u all for sharing my feelings, i thank this board gg replied. eg ...my mil ....hates ..hates n hates some 1 getting up late in the morning...obviously my sil loves loves n loves to get up late...she gets up late n come out 7.30 am ...it seems my mil shouted at her ...she created big scene at home after i left home...she gave big lecture to my bil..also on being henpecked husband...
can u believe what my sil did today..she got upt at 7.30..opened the door..n went for walk with her husband ...came bacn k at 8.15...whn my mil shouted they said doc said to go for walk...
she doesnt open her mouth in fornt of my mil..but she takes reavenge on every small things...

about geting her on this board i thought about it..i think i wont tell her..coz she will come to know about my past present everyhting whiach i dont want..coz i never say bad things about my mil even to her...whtever its btwn us is what she sees...i dont tell her anything...i think i wont be comfortable discussing things on this board... Swapna replied. Namita

Yep,pack your bags and leave. Your dh is behind you 100 %. So go for it. To make things short ,these Ils are not so worth it.
I couldn' t post for a long time now - I went down with double pneumonia, bronchitis and a monster UTI that Im still battling.
Im still recovering and I guess the last 4 months of continuous stress had taken a major toll on my body.
Sorry about the hijack ,leave ILs asap. Ritika replied. Please go and stay in another flat. That is the simplest and best solution.

Stop feeling guilty. You said what your MIL deserved. She had it coming.

It is NOT your fault. It is easier for your husband to say it to you than to his sister or mother. Don' t blame him too much...

Just pack yr bags and leave this \" roj ka chik chik\" place. Your MIL being what she is is not going to stop with this drama. She' ll soon find something else to create a fight about.

You concentrate on yourself and your hubby. By living separately, you' ll prove to her that you guys are not dependent on her. She will be the one to backtrack and call you home later...but heck, that' s another story.

The best thing will be that when you come back in the evening, you will have a loving evening with your husband, rather than waiting in tension for what yr MIL has to say next to you.

The marital relationship that you develop now will stand you in good stead later on - after you have kids and all. As long as yr hubby stays with his parents, he will never be able to gather the courage to speak up to his parents and defend you.

So think of this as a golden opportunity. It is time to make your home nest. As adults, part of the fun comes from being independent and taking all the decisions yourself. When you keep staying with parents, the feeling of being a child never goes away completely.

Hope this helps. Namita replied. thanks .... i know i shud ignore her n i do tht bt atleast one day i vl b frustated n ans. back .... my husabdn undrstnds y i said bt. still he feel i ws wrong in mentioning abt. 5 peae n wrong abt. talking abt relatives ....

i know this people very well n to handle them ... bt i know it ws my mistake and have learned from my mistake tht never to give ny clarification or justification to MIL .... from today onwards i vl learn to live like gg' s SIL .... being deaf ear ... thts best ... n i said abt relatives purposely so tht she shud also feel the same pain wht i feel when she talks abt my food .... sorry girls i was wrong i know .... thanks once agian

i m writing this jst before sleeping ... now i m feeling ok .. actually in the evening i was so much nervous tht i didnt wanted to come home ... bt sonu' s msg. gave me my confidence back

thanks girls for being with me Dd replied. HI Namita,
i have written to u in joint family section in gg' s post but before reading this thread.

As long as you r leaving with them foloow waht gg is saying. i totally agreew ith her. you can clarify with the people if they r understanding , if not no point talking to them. instead distance yourself from them.
let me give you example. u know my story. now one of my cousin sil has come here for few days from overseas & we both r very close & friendly to her bcs she helped us a lot when we stayed in their city without interfering in our life. now my sil yestuday cried to her that she has not done anything wrong & complained about what we did to her. this cousin sil told my dh bcs they r very close(she tells evrything)
so my dh was very upset yesturday why people always blame him or me. I told him we know we can not change some people & we tried but we can not tolerate their ways of life so we decide to distant ourself from them to have peaceful life. now don' t think about them talking bad about us. ignor let' s leave our life.

try to talk to your dh about renting a place however small it is. and move out & slowly strat looking for a place to buy. with both of u working u will easily get housinmg loan. don' t go & leave in her flat not bcs of the area but she will some day say that you stayed in my place untill u could not afford your place & now u want to cut off with us.
and work on strengthening your relationship with your dh. read some of the golden rules i have mentioned in your reply to joint family section.
gg replied. ..thank ur stars u hv a husband like him...he is right in whatever he said n doing...
take my example...u all know i hv 15 mebers now...each one has their preferences ..b4 cooking anything i will ask every1 this a what i am making eg, using egg...who will eat...then acc i will make...my mil is the only prob first she will say no...for self ..my fil n her mother...her no will be wihtout asking them..whn the thing is ready she will be the first one to taste..she will say let me taste lil..n her lil is a huge bite...then slowly she will praise ..woow nice it ..then she will gv to my fil..then to her mother...my fil is a puppet..gandhiji..babu u will say he knows very well what starts now...he wont eat but she will force him to eat...obviously now for those i had made wont get that ...to wat..then the same scene will start just like ur mil...
ur husband is ab right dont gv any expalination..to her..she will make ur life more miserable....
she will create more.. stop justifying urself coz everybody knows ur mil more than u...still they wont support u...
be practical when it comes to money...ur hubby is great ..hats off to him...atleast he is thinking so wisely...i am jealous...(joking)
for a second i got scared that y did u tell her about the realtives ...
never tell her other wise she will def create fight btwn u people....t
let ur mil pass nasty comments on u...dont ever leave the job or back answer her..she will do this u encourage u to say soemthing n join her in fight ...she knows very well u loose temper soon...this way she shows ur husband that see how ur wife ill trets me...n believe me now ur husband is with u after soemtime ..one day he too wl change his felelings he will say yes my wife insults my mother ...for get about ur mil no one wl sya that she wwas the one who creastes fight...
about cooking this happens with me all hte time ..just ignore her..y do u want to gv so much imp to her comments? u love her som uch...i can understand ur husband tell u that this thing is not cooked properly n u sit n cry...but for mil..yuck....
i think by creating such drama ur mil always succeeds in involing u in her nasty drama...
she succeeds in irritating u...making u upset this is what she wants...u to loose mentl peace....i suggest ignore ignore n ignore..believem e if u dont react she will be more frustrated ...thatn u n then see her drama...