Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

hi
can any one sujjest me what 2 do
i m maried , both me & my husband do job
we have a 2 yrs baby girl my in laws don' t live with us but they came sometimes . they are good their behavior with me is nice
but the thing is that my BIL lives with us from 2 1/2 yrs. last yrs he got married but his wife is also in job she stays out of station. the thing is this my BIL uses my husband a lot means he has taken my husband' s bike when he came to our place. my husband faced a lot of problems after that i have given him my scooty now they both have vehicles but i m facing probs bcoz i m in job i also want a vehicle. now what to do when i talks with my husband abt this matter he always says that we will take a new but i say why we? why not he? he is living with us but never gives any money to us . whenever he has to go somewhere ( to his INLAWS) he always takes our Car he asks to my husband he never says no
one day hen i talked to my husband all about this i said that i will talk to him if u cann' t
ha said to me that if i would talk to my BIL i could not see my husband face after that

what should i do
my BIL & his wife both r earning they r doing their savings we are the only persons who can live life as their own
my husbad never listens any statement agains to his family members he never gives me time for any communication between us, he communicate with me in front of his family members
he said me not to say these things to my MIL/FIL

my FIL/MIL care me a lot
but i have prob. with my BIL
what sould i do now?????? Ritika replied. Hi jj,

As others have said, its difficult for your husband to change his habit of always taking care of his younger brother - financially or otherwise..even after he is working and has gotten married.

Since your husband refuses to say anything to his brother, stop discussing with him what you plan to say to your BIL.

Next time you guys are sitting together, why don' t you ask you BIL in a cheerful manner, that since both he and his wife are working, when is he buying a new motorbike or car? Kinda like pulling his leg...but with a little bit of truth in it.

I would also suggest that try to tell your BIL that he should try to stay together with his wife because this is the time their marital relationship needs to develop.

He has been married for a year now..Why are they staying apart? Tell them that it is important for a good marriage that they should be in one place.

Also, next time your husband communicates with you in front of his family, join him in his game. Very cheerfully, say whatever you want to...but remember to do it with a calm, smiling manner...like if he says that he' ll use yr scooty to go to office and you can take the bus while the BIL gets to use the mobike, tell your BIL - \" aapke to bade maze hai..bhaiyya scooty chalane ko tayyar hai, bhabhi paidal chalne ko tayyar hai aapke liye. Waise, I think it would be better if you bought a new mobike...that way all of us can go easily to the office...kya kehte ho?\" and then smile at everybody.

But do this after a period of calm with yr hubby. Since he is taking it otherwise..stop talking about yr BIL with him for a while. Then in household conversations, start taking a more leading role, rather than waiting for cues from your husband on what to say.

hope this helps.

gg replied. in laws are very irritating ..but if u have one or 2 charactters like this in ur family ..it willl be sone pe suhaga...in adding worries n irritating u like any thing believe me there is no soluition for these mangilals...types ..coz they love what they are doing n they enjoy what they are doing...so plsss....i had such characters in my mothers family ..very irritating... sss replied. hi jj,
its amazing to know how someone else can have exactly similar situation as yours.

i have similar situations.my in-laws are good and they stay away.they love and care for me.my BIL stay with us and he is unmarried.he has a good job in MNC.
its always my hubby who spend money and i am irritated sometimes with that.but deep down i know it is the right thing to do.the younger ones are always pampered by the elders and while doing so both the elder one and the younger one are happy.and if your husband is happy doing small favours to his younger brother what is the problem in that?and its not like he is spending a fortune on his brother.let these small favours happen.that way he is respected as an elder brother and all remain happy.that is what i think to be calm when i also get upset sometimes.
then i think about my blessings.my in-laws love and care for me.is it not good?its not something everyone get.
see,i can understand your feelings as i have gone through them.but if you keep these things in mind,you wll harm your relationship with all your in-laws and gradually your hubby.so try hard and overcome these felings.all the best.