Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi friends,
Pl tell me solution to my mind.
' m myself loosing peace while thinking about ' her' (MIL) .
She has done much and ok, still i want to forgive and be peaceful myself atleast because she is not living with us...and i listen her voice daily when my hubby call her and monthly once when we visit them...but her memories folow me like a shadow...always I think of her words, deeds...everything.
When I tell myself to forgive her, a lakh of incidents which I faced and the major injustice of her (I told my hubby is loving and caring, in next month she could break our lovely bond ...he changed much and i couldnt regain him back...,majjor quarrels happned in home and she comletely turned him to not to love me...) after 2yrs he realised all she was not correct...but still the b' tiful love is not yet established again)
.I remember it and again and again.... I become reluctant to forgive her.... In this process ,I' m loosing my own mental peace of mind... Pl friends, Tell me ways to improve my wilpower to concentreate on Mediatation which might reduce my stress??
I want to forget her. I' m unable to be happy just because of my hubby' s over love towards them.. I am insecured. Once I told about my insecurity feeling ...but he told whats my problem when he is now changed and not completely believing in only her.... But, I' m not able to trust them.... she is so cunning. i dont like her.
I HATE HER.
How can i become normal? She irritates me in many ways which I cant explain...

Tell me ways to forget things she did and ignore her just because she gave birth to my hubby.

Pl give me that sage-like fair mind... strength to ignore her in my life and to lead my own life happily...

Pl,Pl...my hubby is her only son and my sil is very selfish. i have to do her in her final stage. So i need to be positive to her... She never realise things...but atleast I need to keep on forgiving her....give me strength for that..........


Saheli, One question to u? do u love ur hubby unconditionally? Once u told both of ur bond is nice...How it is possible? Is this because he is good OR because u r good?
Do u adjust in any way to his any of his negatives ? Pl share with me... ?

I' m not happy with him only in her matter. Otherwise he is ok...But, But, As I think always about her, my hubby also become part of my negative thoughts...and so, not able to regain my love towards him....what to do? can I ever be happy myself...?Can I excuse him fpor his weakness in his mother? Or can I ever ignore her irritating actions??I' m always staying in blues...save me! Namita replied. extremly sorry for very late reply ... i know u wud b looking for some suggetions for urself .... i m also going thru bit bad phase now ... God knows when vl i b able to leave seperately far away from IL' s .... friend, i agree with Help, u join Art of Living i have heard a lot abt it ... it helps to give peace of mind ... n abt ur hubby and ur thoughts abt. MIL, try to calm urself down ... feel lucky tht atleast u dnt hve to listen to their taunts and see their face every morning ... try to look at the positve side of ur life, try to realise that atleast ur hubby is with u, he agreed to stay seperately ... forget abt. his bond with his parents(i know it is difficult) but u hve to do this for urself and for sake for ur relation with hubby otherwise if u still keep on nagging n being unhappy this vl irritate ur DH and he vl blame u everything .... so try ur best to forget abt ur DH' s realtion with his parents, act as if this is not part of ur life ... live ur life with the postive things happening and put efforts to make ur relations best with ur DH .... by nagging and fighting with ur hubby u r making ur MIL life easy ... stay cool .... i m also trying this, though it is difficult SG replied. I read ur post but didnt reply initially as i myself is going thru negetive phase...withme it happens on & off.
My case is also somewhat same as urs. Now my mil dont live with me but i cant forget the bad time when i was with them. Even i tried then some new incidence happen.....everything goes like a picture in front of my eyes & i start hating them. They r miser, noncaring, No physical, mental help. though today i dont expect anything from them...but when i hv to do anything(physical/ financial)- anything means anything even making a phone call, my husband comments that oh u only think about ur parents family.
Thr was a time whn i cudnt able to mk a phone call to my parents/ siblings. Cudnt meet / call/ gift them anything.Even when my parents come home my mil dont talk to them properly.....very bad 4yrs of mine.

It really really hurts me so much that i give him a reply that after what his family attitude towards is, what he expects from me.We always hv lots of tension regd this.
He know that what they hv done is wrong but dont want to comment/accept & want me to hv same affection with them as i hv with my family.
But its not possible....life has taken its turn.
I m not doing any harm to my inlaws but is unable to feel abt them...I just pray to God that give me strength to do what i feel is right & also make me see the right direction.Aur yeh bhi ki kabhi inlaws ko agar meri real help ki jaroorat ho to main kar sakoon but doing a weekly call or something like that i cant ...

So i can understand ur condition but cant help u much in this....only that u hv to be strong & clever to face the situation.
Do what u feel is right but be soft( which i also cant pretend )And pray to God . HE will surely listens when we pray with honesty. gg replied. i agree with sana n help both..
u are going thru exasctly what i went thru few motnhs back...i wudnt help my mil in her work ..i use to royally ignore her ..when my sil was bad with her i too joined her ...not in fighting or being rude ..but i had turned say deaf ear towards her n i use to just ignore her ...time is the best healer people like u n me who do not want any kind of prob go thru this but not fr a long time...we cannot be so bad to any1
but let me tell u all my grudge is gone now..but i will never be able to respect my mil just as the way i use to love her b4 n after my mrrg...
i still hate her for whatever she did with me ...now she is scare d of my sil
let me tell u sana n help..u can forgive but u will never forget your bad time..atleast i will never...
in my diff time whn i was preg i use to dialy pray god i may 4gv my mil but u dont 4gv her...just as the way she ddnt pity me ...u also dont pity her while punishing her for her deeds...n i think she is going thru now..god forbid i must not say this..but u end up thinking this way
i hv started praying to god for my daughter hope she doesnt get a mil like my mil..she gets some1 nice who understabds dil' s prob n take care of my duaghter just as the way she took care of her son..i hv coem across many such good mil' s ...
my mil' s experience was very bad...
i suggest wait ..time is the best healer
sana replied. well you do need forgive and most importantly forget for the sake of your health and your relationship with your hubby. Find an activity that will keep you happy and occupied. If you don' t have kids ..have kids (these little bogger really show you the real meaning of life) and something about being the mother of his child will make your husband have another bond with you that is very very secure.
well thats my 2 cents Help replied. Dear friend,

I can only suggest you to join Art Of Living course for Yoga and Meditation. Check on their website if they have a group in your city and upcoming Part 1 courses.
This course will help you with all the negativity you have on your mind at this time. Your approach towards those cunning/insensitive people around you will change and you will be surprised of your own transformed view point of this world.

Just my 2 cents!
All the Best.