Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi Namita,

this is in response to your questions to gg.
Don' t be upset. u r probably on right track about moving out. i don' t know mauch about u.
today i am very busy so i will try to write more in detail tomorrow but meanwhile if u can post more about youeself it will give me some more idea.
hey cheer up girl...
Love
Dd gg replied. i am jealuous with u namita...lol..god really saved u..u know i went out of bombay last week wo informing my mil...i informed her last moment on fri late night ..coz u dont know her whn it comes to going soemwhe my mil will start her drama she will get headache, loose motions, chest pain...feeling breathless these are her fav illness...my sil ddnt speak to ehr for 2 days nor she helped her in work ..i came to kknow from my maid that she was crying rmbring me..after that she has totally changed ...i dont know for how long this change is for ? but yes her behavior is totally changed... Namita replied. thanks Sonu, Dd, GG .... jst want to share something .... like GG says Ganesha is there with her ...yes, just yest. evening i was thinking tht i trust so much on God then y is he giving this to me .... n wht is the suffering my MIL is getting, nothing, she is sleeping and taking nice rest by pretending to be ill (evn yest. she said that the egg burji i made no one will eat tht bcoz people in our house dnt like such burji) ... i felt bad and i was talking to God and u know 2day i got my periods, it was expected last month 28th but i got it 2day and bocz of this now she have to make all Diwali items by herself (ladoo etc. etc.) she was saying this to me \" it is tiering to make all items alone but i vl try n make it\" ... bocz when i hve period v cant show the items to God which are made by me .... i have lots such eg. where God have punished her in such ways ... nyways thnaks to u girls, keep in touch ... Good tht we r there with each other, and v can share our daily grudges ....bcoz its not good to tell DH everyday abt such things otherwise he vl think i m nagging for all small reasons. gg replied. this thing is there in my mind ..but not so soon...not in near future ..do u think i hv not ried doing that..i hv done everything posssible..my husband n i hv both decided not to do anythign for another 2 years ..there is a reason behind this...i hv no choice ...otherwise y do u think i suffered so much? i pray to god i hope it happens..i know god cant be so unfair to me...i hv complete trust in him..my ganesha is there with me.. Dd replied. Hi Namita,
you know about me so i will not repeat the story. we r fortunate enough bcs our dh understand' s what is going on & stand by us. for me it took long time-almost 10 yrs. to get seprate bcs we leaved together on & off. And we both(me & my dh) being strong supporters of joint family, it took us long to take decision. And we lost precious years of our marriage trying to make it work.
that is why i was suggesting to gg not to loose time & try working on it from now so it may happen in near future for her. I am really happy for u that u r making this decision early in life.

I am not against staying with inlaws but it is just that they behave partially towards us. in my case i don' t have many problems with fil & mil but with the sil. and how mil & fil instead of making her understand tolerate everyitng & expects us to do the same and we were doing it till now. my last job was very demanding & i used to come home by 7.00 pm very tired & than had so much work in the house. i did not use to get time to even read news paper bcs i used to get very tired. my mil was very helpful but at the same time she use to generate lot more work bcs she is fond of making lots of things & very energetic for her age. but i use to get tired after the whole days work. many time i asked her to keeep cook but she refused saying i am helping u. in the mean time my sil took up a job in another town & was staying by herself, still she kept maid & cook both & also my used to call my mil to stay with her. so she use to go & come back. after 1 year my sil left the job & came back. now she use to sit in the house doing nothing, & was very demanding about food & other stuff in the house. everything had to be according to her test. she use to fight with my mil to keep cook whenever my mil try to reason with her, instead of helping us.
i was running around like mad trying to juggle work & home. finally my dh helped me decide to leave my job & start my consultancy but still it was becoming difficult to manage house & staying in that envirnment for both of us. so we finally took decision to go seprate. and probably staying separte will improve my relationship with mil & fil. because while stying together it was getting strained. and as i said earlier we r very sure they will come & stay with us in future but meanwhile we need some space & time to secure our future.

sorry i get carried away while writing & wrote long about myself again.but this is to make u visualise your future. u r making right decision by moving. & after moving if possible try to improve relationship with them but don' t go overboard to please them. Distance works wonder. and we both r satisfied with our fredom to do thing in our way, so it makes relationship better.

I am seeing many examples around myself of both the situations & both have some positives & some negatives. so it depends on individaul' s situation what works for them.

so don' t be harsh with yourself.
go out & have your own life.

Love Dd Namita replied. i m eager to read wht u say .... i m married for almost 2 yrs ... my IL' s are ok, they dnt interfere much in our life, ofcourse, it is bcoz v hve given them back whenever they tried ..... n now as v hve thought of staying seperately, i think bcoz of tht thy dnt show much interest ..... nywys i m happy abt it .... my MIL had also tried to create rift bet. me n my hubby n hd succeded even 2day she tries tht ... bt i m lucky tht i was able to convince my DH abt her plans, n ofcouse he knows there behaviour from beginig ... they are same with other Aunty' s also .... my MIL had also indirectly ask for my Salary by saying that \" all our relatives ask her whether ur DIL gives her Sal. to u and we have to lie them that yes she gives\" that means she wanted me to give her all my Sal. and she had created big drama abt. it ... i had fought back at tht time saying my parents had never asked for my Sal. and if realtives say that u ignore them bcoz relatives also ask me that how come ur MIL is making u do all the work (we dont have servant) inspite of u being a educated and employed ... i told her all the people in our society and even our realtives feel pity abotu me but i ignore them same way u also ignore them ... then she nevr asked me abt. Salary ...... there r lots such things .... as i wrote now she dnt eat wht i make, last sat i had made Brk fast and went out and was back on sunday, on one in the house ate that and had kept that break fast till sunday and my MIL asked me to give it to begger on monday when i go to office ... i felt bad she can keep it for 2 days ... n 2day she is unwell i hve cooked all food ... God is there .. now she and her daughter hve to eat wht i hve made .... wht do they get by showing such ego ..... her daughter helps her in her cunning nature like yest. her daughter was saying \" Ma u r not well so dnt get up at all... sleep\" bt y do she hve to say tht after i reach home since mornign they both were at home .... i m fed of them nd hate to see them anymore ... i m lucky to hve my DH, who understnds me and is alwys there to listen to me and one most imp. thing is i m working so i dnt hve to see theire face for whole day and listen to their naggings ... waiting to listen from u Dd and others