Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

hi

Just thought i need to write somewhere just to get rid of some of my fustration.
My inlaws have always caused problems and they are old school people so like things done their and in their traditional way...i come from a modern upbringing and found it hard to deal with at times but did what i had to do up to the time my son was born..(i have wrote on here before)
my husband has been brought up not to speak up to his parents and whatever they do he has to take it but i dont come from an upbringing like that if something is wrong for me i will speak up becuase otherwise no one will come and defend me.
I think my inlaws find that a threat as i raised issues with them that they have done to me in the past but they have denied everything when i have proof...they made me out to be a liar so now i go there as less as possible...
Now diwali is coming and i have to work on that sat so my husband wants to take our son there and celebrate diwali there when for the last 2 years we have been going there since i have been married and i thought this year i will spend wiht my family. So i said to my husband that we will go on sunday and come back on sunday but he doesent even want to do that...well he cant have it all his way. Im also pregnant with my second child and they have not rang me once to ask how i am or any kind of congratulations or would u like us to send u any food...infact my sons child asks me...Thats what hurts but still my husband cant see all this...Today i just feel so upset about the whole thing tht i feel like going away somewhere to take a break..its like i am in a battle on my own. i guess so many things have happened in the last 2 years that everything has now taken its toll and i have had enough. I am human after all and have feelings but these people cant see it.
May tommorrow i will feel better.

sonu replied. hi

Thank for all ur support and good words, made me feel better.
yes u guys are right never ever talk to inlaws about problems as they alwasy deny it, i experienced that.
Namita i tried telling my husband we do a day trip but he wont agree to it as he says its never been a done thing that i dont stay....hes to scared to tell his parents that we come for the day.
They make me sick when they go on about my son of how i am not letting them bond etc....what they seem to forget is that their grandson came from me but u know what its like he is to carry the family name so only my husband and my son matter to them.
i try for them to not let me bother me but when my dh comes back and says i have to go their despite what they do and say i have to ignore it as it dont bother him what they do and say about me so why do i get bothered and my answer to that is that u maybe a door mat but i am not...i have my self respect and morals.
Yes SG u are right aswell i will stick to my guns as i do feel strongly about it.
Namita i do have 3 sils and the mother tells 2 of them everything and one of them interferes so much. they both gossip about me constantly
AA bottom line is yes i wll alwasy get blamed for not going there and doing my duties but what are there duties towards me? they obviously dont see that.
LOL...Namita i have already been accused of brainwashing my husband...and making the family unhappy but i only addressed the problems that were already there even befroe i got married...they all talk about each other behind the back but no one has the guts to sort it out....Such a joke this family its unbelelivable.
well if they dont want to be involved in my pregnancy then they are not gonig to have a say after the baby is born and this time i am going to put my foot down and after my son was born they caused so much stress for me for 8 months...i did everything what they wanted and still got a kick...they even when and gave mithas to everyone after my son was born and didnt even tell me or give any to my family....
Maybe one day my husband will realise, just hope its not to late by then.

Thank you once again and hope to chat to u guys soon

xxxx Namita replied. This is to all Ladies please never try to bring up issues infront of inlaws or discuss ur prob' s with them with inlaws ... bcoz atlast only and only we are blamed, no matter even if u have strong proof, they have strong power to convert those proofs against us and show that we are lier bcoz in such situations ...both MIL and FIL will support each other and if there is SIL then worst she will guide them how to play the cunning game ... and our dear DH will say that i m becoming sandwich bet. u all .... then the climax will be like this, OUR BAHU IS MAKING OUR BOY UNHAPPY, SHE IS SPOILING OUR RELATIONS AND PEACE OF HOME, SHE IS OF NO USE .. hence it is always better to inform DH whenver necessary abt the things going (ofocurse not everyday) bt he should be aware abt. their doings ...

Sonu,

ur first responsiblity is to take care of urself .. forget abt. ur IL' s, dnt expect them to call, dnt feel bad, instead take it in good sense, tht good they are away n not speaking u to not enquring abt. u .... u hve less troubles .... i would prefer not to speak to them rather then speaking n gettin irrtated

You speak to ur DH n tell them tht u need rest which u didnt get during ur 1st preg. bcoz of them ... if he sticks to his decission tell him ok then i vl come with u on sat. and come bck same evning saying Dr. appt. is there ... use some technique acc. to ur DH nature n how u can handle the situation SG replied. After reading ur post , I felt like me reading my story itself.
Smtime I feel not to discuss IL’s prob with hubby but then bcos of all these situations which comes on the way I had to make him realize that they hv done wrong and now i cant compromise more & that’s whr fighting starts initially with arguments .
Now after 6-7 yrs of marriage also I hvnt been able to mk him feel that they r selfish(he calls me biased). My il’s never ever (from marriage itself) given me anything and always want us to be away from my parents who hv tried to help us in all our diffcult times.So I cant leave them ..not at any cost, even I don’t want DH to leave his but let them feel that it hurts & we cant bear more. My inlaws too never called us when I was pregnant , they didn’t even came to see our child….

so many inlwas r like that…it’s a relationship of laws..
Even if u will gv them proof then see who is the judge, hubby ,who is already on their side.

If u r pregnant & had one more baby, then try to explain ur hubby strongly that u want to celebrate u Diwali at ur home as it is auspicious to do so, spl first diwali after baby. And if u go thr u wont be able to tk rest which is imp. Also tell him that clearly that if they r so crazy abt thr grandson then why didn’t they call me when I m pregnant.U hv to argue if u feel strongly abt thr selfishness. Maybe this time he doesn’t agree but later…if we keep telling they hv to understand one day.

Imp pt . Discuss issues with hubby & not with inlaws..total waste of energy & ultimately u will only be proved ‘kharab bahu’. But smtime that also is required but not often.

And why dont ask him to call them here at urplace if u can mng & maybe they dont come so he can also say that its difficult for u to travel/ bear exertion this time.

Hope today u will be much relaxed. aa replied. sonu, i hope that sharing your problems made you feel better somewhat, sometimes just talking to someone helps. Please take care of your self. i know what you mean when DH wants to spend all occasions with his family and not yours. i have had to comprimise alot too, i have spent countless birthdays with il' s, but the special one' s with my family, i have not been able to go. be strong, and know that there are so many dil' s just like you, in your shoes. try to find a comprimise that works. when my dh and i disagree about something like this, usually he gets his way, beaucse i' m tried of fighting over these same issues, and my il' s will blame me for everything, if they dont get to see my kid, and their son on a special day. i hope this helps!