Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hey girls,
As swapna said you girls rock. I was going thru previous posts since past few days to find peace for myself as i was not able to express it to anyone. I came across something very nice yesturday & wanted to share with all of you. It is real good advice given by someone in one of the previous reply in march 2006.It holds VERY TRUE for everyone.

\" Every mil is different, some respond to be bossed over, some respond to love. I tried love and failed.. I dont want to be unfairly bossy and change my personality and be cruel to prove a point to a crazy lady.
But stepping up and giving ultimatum to husband is necessary. I asked my dad.. u were probably in this situation once..between your wife and mother..what do u think? I did this to get to my husband' s train of thought.. and here' s what my dad said..

My dad said: when men grow up they are bothered by constant cribbing and advises that his mom gives him as if he still is a child. So he marries hoping that this lady will understand him, be his partner and share his feelings. But if this new lady(wife) starts a new nuisance and cribs about his mom.. this is bad coz he knows his mom is wrong but doesnt want his wife telling him that. So be your husband' s confidant. Be the person he comes to after listening to his crabby mom.. dont be another crabby woman. Otherwise your husband will think..\" man.. i just got this from my mom...not again\"
So i took that to my heart. I dont complain about my mil and just state what my mil or fil said that bugs me and add that i am not complaining just letting u know what just happened and then talk about other things to him and be nice to him. He did change!!
My husband started complaining about his parents to him and how they bug him too.. and that helped me feel so better..and rmeber i didnt join him here. i just listened without any interest or concern and that made a whole lot of difference coz it felt like he was talking to a friend and not enemy. Dear girls, take this advice to your heart. Make your husbands your friend and not your enemy' s son to take your frustrations out and u will lead happier lives hopefully! Good luck \" aaaa replied. I think you are correct. Even i used to complain initially after my marriage and then found that my DH used to feel that i am MILs enemy. later i stopped and then he understood my MIL' s intentions without my complaining. SG replied. Its nice...thr was a msg too.
But smtime i feel why only girls hv to be guilty. Most of the men too cribs abt their inlwas even when they dont hv so much contact with them. The girl when enters into a family doesnt hv any impression or if they hv its mostly good.But after living with inlaws for 6mnths most of them ends up with lots of tensions.They just want to run from thr.Still they keep adjusting bcos that is wahat they hv been told from a very young age....to adjust.
Once a while when they fedup..they back ans.So cant they r look upon thr husband as a frnd to save or support them at such moment.
We when marry r very young so mistakes r natural & its a period of romance but elders dont consider those pts and start critisizing as if we r experts.
They want to just bossy but dont help us when we r ill or needs help.
I understand that they r old but whr is maturity gone?
Sorry for being serious...but do anyone else except the bahu know that we become sandwich bet all the roles we played.
Anyways husband always is our priority.
We r bearing so much bcos of him.

Thanks :-) for sharing ur msg !! gg replied. too good ...is not the word to describe ur msg very nice
and i totally agree with u in my personal life one of my close friend had opened my eyes i was all the time burried in my mils thought my friend she is quiet elder to me thought me explained m=to me to just ignire her n be strong enought to ignore mil n pay attention to daughter n husband..
i totally agree with u..coz these mils are here to creaste mes s in ur life ..eg my mil she ddnt stay with her inlwaws she is the only bahu who broke joint family her her husband she enjoiyed her family life by staying nuclear
she is just distracting us from concentrating on ur personal life by dragging us in her boring live serial drama beter stay away from themn ...
as i told swapna ...its very difficult but best thing is to ignore n not to listen to mil completely ...