Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Today when a girl / boy child is born..parents celebrate with same joy.
They never differentite bet them. No diff in their development.when they reaches their teens..some kind of diffrence starts like not going late night.Notmuch talking to boys...etc. But still it is all for their safety .
But after marriage why they become ' parai' . Why cant they fulfill their responcibilities same like a son. Today if i hv to do little bit also for my parents then i hv to tk permission of my husband & i m dependent on his wish. If he feels its required then only i will be able to do it.Why cant i decide on my own as they can decide for their parents.
For every decision i hv to tk it has to go thru my husband or in sm cases inlaws too. I m just fed up of this boundedness.

i know time has change & will chg more but daughter' s r changing faster than that & if inlaws / husband would like to bound them then either they will shatter & depress like me or their home will fall apart.

Parents gives full freedom to them to decide what to wear ,what to eat,what to become etc. They r the one who create home(parents) as per their own choice.
So after so much independence how can one aspect them to be just keep quiet & obey to others.

Husbands loves us but only if we behave like a doll / maid for family & their parents.
I m not a girl who thinks like girls r made for geeting married & dedicated to that family only.

I feel husbands r selfish but to think like this abt ur husband & then love ,respect them is not so easy but how nicely we all mng keeping smailes on our face.

We become the best diplomats after marriage.

Do u know why girls r so attached to father bcos God wants father to bear the same pain of her judaai as he has given to his FIL.Husband only realizes when they become FIL.But then its too late . Wife had spent her whole young age.
Before my marriage when i used to go smone marriage i used to laugh that why everyone cry so much at vidai time...smtime they r not so close to the wedding girl also.I used to say that she is not going too far off that they cant meet her & they can phone her so no need of all the drama
but after my marriage i realised that some r crying remembering their own time and parents r crying becos they r loosing their right over their daughter.

I just want to say that we shudnt become parai for parents.Help them out whenever they need us,even if u hv to do serious arguments for it with ur husband & inlaws. sana replied. Oh don' t you hate this
\" This is your house now beta, your parents house is not yours\"

nope lady this is your house and not mine cause i would like to watch a tv program without you coming in with a look of disgust.. Ritika replied. Very good points for stressing the importance of financial independence for women.

I think the root cause of so much dependence on husband and control by him is the fact that the woman is not working. When you earn, you have a little more say in how you want to spend it.

Yes, your husband might disagree on how you choose to spend your money, but if you are firm and strong about what you want to do, then there is nothing much he can do.

Early on in my marriage I remember having a fight with my hubby over giving some money to one of my close relatives (usually he is quite sweet over spending money on my family but this was a BIG amount). This relative had paid a couple of semesters tuition for me here in the US when I had first come here and for certain reasons I did not want to be beholden to this person. When my hubby protested against shelling out so much money from his pocket, I just told him that in that case I will wait till I could start earning. Yes, my hubby didnt like parting with so much money, but as I told him, I gotta do what I gotta do. I cannot live with that big obligation being held over my head and I was responsible for it and if he was in my shoes, I would have supported him. I also reminded him that I always support him when he wants to spend his money for a reason he feels strongly about.

Anyways, as I said this was early on in our marriage...by the time I actually graduated and worked enough to save that money, my hubby was totally on my side and was the one to cut the check and send it. :)

My point being that I never felt that air of helplessness that surrounds so many women when it comes to the money aspects in their marriage. Ok, so the husband said no. So what. You could earn and pay for what you want. Yes, it will take more time, but heck, it is worthwhile and a lot more enabling. swapna replied. SG hun

I hope youve read my posts on MIL woes.
FIL is equally evil. You know what he says everytime to me ,I need to forget my parents and give 200% love and affection to ILs. Ive lived for 25 yrs with my parents and now it' s their right to claim me. I hate him when he says that. after my wedding ,when I left for the US , my mom asked FIL if I could visit them for a few hrs. FIL flatly refused and my parents saw me only at the airport. Oh ,but the equation is different for my SIL(dh' s sister). She spends 2 days every month at ILs place ,a week for every festival and 1 month during summer hols.
I HATE ILs. daughter replied. What you have told in your query represents most of us in India and abroad. We live abroad, when I got married to my husband I thought since we are gonna live in abroad I won' t have to deal with in-laws issues and I can support my parents when they need me. But it didn' t took me long to realize that I was wrong.

My In-laws always say that parents shouldn' t take anything from their daughters. They have to only give daughters. Well, my in-laws have a son who takes care of everything for them, why they will trouble there daughters. After hearing this form his parents very often my Husband also believes in this.Whereas for my parents they don' t have a son, I have one sister and where should they go if they need any help? they won' t understand it. Also, we daughters also wnats to see our parents in a good condition. They have done everything for us and we should take care of them not in the need but everytime.

Eventhough I am working, I need to ask my hubby if I want to send a gift for my sister b' day or anything for my parents. If I want to give money to my sis DH says that I am not sending any money to my sister' s B' day. Ofcourse they are pretty much older then him. But when we send something to in-laws he wont say that we should do the same for my parents. When it comes to in-laws husband' s say that they want there parents to be happy and they want to give them luxury life etc.

Don' t know when this situation will change. recently for sister' s marriage I wanted to help my parents and I had to argue with him couple of times to get that done. Now, when my parents are coming for my delivary and husband says that they have to bear expenses like some clothes for me nd there travel expenses like suitcases etc in India. B' coz we have given some money for my sisters marriage.when my in-laws came he has given them each and every penny plus some extra money for there expenses.

No matter how educated they are there thinking is still in old age.