my story goeslike this..my first 3 mnthsof pregnncy was i london,then my usband n i went back to india..there we are living in a joint family...my mil is very wicked,she wud taunt me n interefere in all matters.i had a very bad pregnancy,i cud not eat anything,kept on vomitting till my last day..in my 8th mnth i hd a fite with my mil,and the situation became really bad,my husband loves me a lot buthe always wants me to bend in front of his mother,so ikept on saying sorry to her ....in 9th mnth my fil called up my father asked him to take me to delhi ...i was only 15 days away r my delivery....i didnt go becoz i was not in a state to travel fr 5 ours..my inlaws kept on misbehaving with me...finally i deliverd a baby grl...wen i came back home mymil taunted me and continued to misbehave...i finally decide to leave them and go to my parents place..they didnt even stop me..my husband tukme to my parents place wen my baby was only a week old..now its been arnd 20 days that there has been no sign to take me back frm my inlaws,and my husband continues to say the same thing that imust say sorry to them,i cnt afford to stay at myparents place for ever,i aske my husband to tke n apartnent so that we can styhappily,bu he says he will not leave his parents...his parents have also asked us o shift...my parents hve also discussed ll dis with my hubby..but he oly asks me to wait...now i m at my parents place...he comes n visits me n the baby..we do not discuss anything abt returning back..plz suggest wat to do?
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my story goeslike this..my first 3 mnthsof pregnncy was i london,then my usband n i went back to india..there we are living in a joint family...my mil is very wicked,she wud taunt me n interefere in all matters.i had a very bad pregnancy,i cud not eat anything,kept on vomitting till my last day..in my 8th mnth i hd a fite with my mil,and the situation became really bad,my husband loves me a lot buthe always wants me to bend in front of his mother,so ikept on saying sorry to her ....in 9th mnth my fil called up my father asked him to take me to delhi ...i was only 15 days away r my delivery....i didnt go becoz i was not in a state to travel fr 5 ours..my inlaws kept on misbehaving with me...finally i deliverd a baby grl...wen i came back home mymil taunted me and continued to misbehave...i finally decide to leave them and go to my parents place..they didnt even stop me..my husband tukme to my parents place wen my baby was only a week old..now its been arnd 20 days that there has been no sign to take me back frm my inlaws,and my husband continues to say the same thing that imust say sorry to them,i cnt afford to stay at myparents place for ever,i aske my husband to tke n apartnent so that we can styhappily,bu he says he will not leave his parents...his parents have also asked us o shift...my parents hve also discussed ll dis with my hubby..but he oly asks me to wait...now i m at my parents place...he comes n visits me n the baby..we do not discuss anything abt returning back..plz suggest wat to do?
shuchi replied. u know wat happened...in order to save my family and on my hubbys instructions i said sorry to my inlaws and my inlaws straigh away said that th dont want me to come back...and if i come back they will not let me enter and if by any way i enter they will take my mobile,my lappy and lock me in a room....i still said i am ready to live with their conditions...my inlaws alos said dont even exp my husband to come and take me back...she said that she wants us to saty away all of our life...my husband is a coward and mommies kid..wen i told him all this he refused to except that his parents said althis...wen i asked him to divorse me,,,he gets very sad...finally he said that he will be coming this weekend to take me back..additionally my inlaws speak really ill of my parents and abuse them rite left center....
Saheli replied. Your priorities need a re-look at this time.
1) The baby is just 20 days old. So soon, out of the delivery, you need to concentrate on yours and the baby' s health, which I think can be better taken care of at your mom' s place. According to me, you should give the two of you a rest period of 8 weeks at the least.
Goin back to ILs will give you physical as well as mental stress.
2)Your hubby is visiting you, is a good sign. I would say, enjoy the baby and share the feelings with him for whatever short time you guys are together. He' s visiting you for a short time, please dont nag him with same old topic. Rather, treat him with love, give him a breather, just dont raise the topic for some days. When things are settled, raise the topic and discuss it out.
3)Please, at least I dont expect the DILs of today to be bothered by having a baby girl .. or be bothered by someone else' s comments. Boys/girls, they are all the same. Those who taunt, are pitiable.
Totally ignore it.. just uproot it from your mind forever.
For now, take rest, take care of baby and yourself, enjoy motherhood. Be nice to hubby and win his heart.
I dont think there is anything wrong in saying sorry again, if you want to go back to that house. It is your house. Saying sorry to elders is no bad.
Remember ...
if you want to change the system, you have to be in the system.
So, first get into that house, then try and talk to your hubby. Stop nagging him for same problem, rather spend cool days and openly and neutrally discuss issues with him.
Keep us updated, and heartiest congratulations for the little angel.
God bless her.
Saheli
jsa replied. Hi Shuchi..
very very sad to read your message and i felt your hurt.
First thing-Congrats for your new arrival!!!! dont feel depressed cause u have a baby .This is the time to enjoy and be happy so that you can take good care of the baby and to feed her.If a mom is depressed then she cannot feed her baby properly.
Second-i dont know what to say about your hubby!!this time you say sorry and get in to their home..fine, next time some or the other problem comes and again he will ask you to apologise to his parents...this will become a habbit and they continue to do their tantrums.so unless and until the fault is in your side dont ask apology just to live with your hubby.If he really loves you he should protect you from his parents atleast for the mean time as you both should enjoy with your baby and do the parenting together.
when your inlaws asked to move then what hinders him..next time when he comes to visit you talk to him about this.tell him that he is the dad now and your daughter who is not even month old is not getting her fathers Love.(only the visitors/relatives comes and visits the baby!!!! and not the dad!)
You can take an appartment nearby your in-laws place.Your hubby can go as and when he desires and do their seva.
tell him that atleast for the sake of the baby you both should move out.
I dont think by apologising & getting in only will solve the problem temprorily.
If your in-laws really wanted to see their sons happiness they would never let you go to your parents place.
wait and see what happens and what your husband' s reaction in this.Dont cry and show your desperateness when he visits you.Take good care of yourself and the baby.once when the baby is 2 or 3 months think about taking up a job.so that u can support your parents and yourself financially .you will get self confidence once you start earning and when you feel that you are not depending on anybody.
otherwise if you are really depressed and want to live with your hubby then give them a last chance and tell to your hubby that this will be your final apology to his parents and next time if they trouble you you are on your way.Be clear in what ever decission your are going to take.But dont lower your self esteem by apologising to them again and again.
Best of Luck...Dont loose your self-confidence.
gauri replied. u seem to be nice girl...one who takes mil' s non sense quietly...first of all ur in laws will never let u go seperate..they say like that but they will never leave u nor they will let u go..
another prob even if its ur mils fault ...u always hv to say sorry...
n if u say sorry all ur life u hv to listen ..mind u only from ur mil..that u wanted to come back thats y u had to fall on her feet...otherwise they never wanted u...
my sis in laws every1 face the same prob..the best if u want to go back n u hv no choice...then say sorry n nver fight with ur mil...they r very good in making life miserable...just ignore her..pay attention to ur husband n ur daughter..these stupid fights with ur stupid mil will only take ur peace away..gv u tension worry evreything...n it will be ur loss...u will end up ignoring ur husband n daughter...
mils are super woman i dont know what they eat from where they get energy...they master in planning...stay away...
dont fight with her ..n try to become ever1 favourite...let her be jealous of u...ig nore her.....royally..n if u wishh to go back ...say sorry n go back...dont ever make this mistake of wating for ur husband ..he will never do anything...for u...
2007-09-21
#1
Name: shuchi Subject: thanks all
u know wat happened...in order to save my family and on my hubbys instructions i said sorry to my inlaws and my inlaws straigh away said that th dont want me to come back...and if i come back they will not let me enter and if by any way i enter they will take my mobile,my lappy and lock me in a room....i still said i am ready to live with their conditions...my inlaws alos said dont even exp my husband to come and take me back...she said that she wants us to saty away all of our life...my husband is a coward and mommies kid..wen i told him all this he refused to except that his parents said althis...wen i asked him to divorse me,,,he gets very sad...finally he said that he will be coming this weekend to take me back..additionally my inlaws speak really ill of my parents and abuse them rite left center....
2007-09-24
#2
Name: jsa Subject: hi
dear Shuchi,
Did your husband come to take u back? if the answer is yes and if you are happy,well and good.If the answer is no then read my previous message once again.
You´ ve mentioned that your in-laws does´ nt want you back-How silly, i guess they are not aware of the law.If the complaint is lodged against them for this reason they will be imprisioned if they do so.they dont have the right to kick u out of their home.even after apologising,if they are not in a position to accept u.then only thing u can do is to approach legally.I can clearly picture out that at anycost even after their threat u want to live with them.i dont say it is wrong.i appriciate your love towards your hubby.but dont be the victim of abuse.for these kind of people you have to give them back.if no one is there to speak for you then only way is to approach legally.Next time they will fear to do anything to you or give verbal abuse about u or your parents.they rightly need this shock treatment.
2007-09-13
#3
Name: Saheli Subject: re"
Your priorities need a re-look at this time.
1) The baby is just 20 days old. So soon, out of the delivery, you need to concentrate on yours and the baby' s health, which I think can be better taken care of at your mom' s place. According to me, you should give the two of you a rest period of 8 weeks at the least.
Goin back to ILs will give you physical as well as mental stress.
2)Your hubby is visiting you, is a good sign. I would say, enjoy the baby and share the feelings with him for whatever short time you guys are together. He' s visiting you for a short time, please dont nag him with same old topic. Rather, treat him with love, give him a breather, just dont raise the topic for some days. When things are settled, raise the topic and discuss it out.
3)Please, at least I dont expect the DILs of today to be bothered by having a baby girl .. or be bothered by someone else' s comments. Boys/girls, they are all the same. Those who taunt, are pitiable.
Totally ignore it.. just uproot it from your mind forever.
For now, take rest, take care of baby and yourself, enjoy motherhood. Be nice to hubby and win his heart.
I dont think there is anything wrong in saying sorry again, if you want to go back to that house. It is your house. Saying sorry to elders is no bad.
Remember ...
if you want to change the system, you have to be in the system.
So, first get into that house, then try and talk to your hubby. Stop nagging him for same problem, rather spend cool days and openly and neutrally discuss issues with him.
Keep us updated, and heartiest congratulations for the little angel.
God bless her.
Saheli
2007-09-12
#4
Name: jsa Subject: to shuchi....
Hi Shuchi..
very very sad to read your message and i felt your hurt.
First thing-Congrats for your new arrival!!!! dont feel depressed cause u have a baby .This is the time to enjoy and be happy so that you can take good care of the baby and to feed her.If a mom is depressed then she cannot feed her baby properly.
Second-i dont know what to say about your hubby!!this time you say sorry and get in to their home..fine, next time some or the other problem comes and again he will ask you to apologise to his parents...this will become a habbit and they continue to do their tantrums.so unless and until the fault is in your side dont ask apology just to live with your hubby.If he really loves you he should protect you from his parents atleast for the mean time as you both should enjoy with your baby and do the parenting together.
when your inlaws asked to move then what hinders him..next time when he comes to visit you talk to him about this.tell him that he is the dad now and your daughter who is not even month old is not getting her fathers Love.(only the visitors/relatives comes and visits the baby!!!! and not the dad!)
You can take an appartment nearby your in-laws place.Your hubby can go as and when he desires and do their seva.
tell him that atleast for the sake of the baby you both should move out.
I dont think by apologising & getting in only will solve the problem temprorily.
If your in-laws really wanted to see their sons happiness they would never let you go to your parents place.
wait and see what happens and what your husband' s reaction in this.Dont cry and show your desperateness when he visits you.Take good care of yourself and the baby.once when the baby is 2 or 3 months think about taking up a job.so that u can support your parents and yourself financially .you will get self confidence once you start earning and when you feel that you are not depending on anybody.
otherwise if you are really depressed and want to live with your hubby then give them a last chance and tell to your hubby that this will be your final apology to his parents and next time if they trouble you you are on your way.Be clear in what ever decission your are going to take.But dont lower your self esteem by apologising to them again and again.
Best of Luck...Dont loose your self-confidence.
2007-09-12
#5
Name: gauri Subject: hi
u seem to be nice girl...one who takes mil' s non sense quietly...first of all ur in laws will never let u go seperate..they say like that but they will never leave u nor they will let u go..
another prob even if its ur mils fault ...u always hv to say sorry...
n if u say sorry all ur life u hv to listen ..mind u only from ur mil..that u wanted to come back thats y u had to fall on her feet...otherwise they never wanted u...
my sis in laws every1 face the same prob..the best if u want to go back n u hv no choice...then say sorry n nver fight with ur mil...they r very good in making life miserable...just ignore her..pay attention to ur husband n ur daughter..these stupid fights with ur stupid mil will only take ur peace away..gv u tension worry evreything...n it will be ur loss...u will end up ignoring ur husband n daughter...
mils are super woman i dont know what they eat from where they get energy...they master in planning...stay away...
dont fight with her ..n try to become ever1 favourite...let her be jealous of u...ig nore her.....royally..n if u wishh to go back ...say sorry n go back...dont ever make this mistake of wating for ur husband ..he will never do anything...for u...
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I feel that my husbands parents are using their son. My husband is from India and I am from the USA. He obtained his greencard and citizenship through me after coming here. He is a physician and obtained his residency training. I worked to earn for our family for two years until he got his job. Then he applied for his parents to visit us on a visiting visa. We were both wo... - Tina Shah [View Message]
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RE:Jadu on food?
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thanks all
Name: jsa
hi
re"
to shuchi....
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