I think you remember me. I am the one with 7 year old child left at mother and sis place and with husband with disorganised financial planning. As you know the whole story of mine I took the liberty of posting a question on you name.
What is your opinion on boarding school. Please don' t think that I am a cruel mother planning to send the 8 year old child to boarding school. I am just collecting opinions from the experienced mothers. Does it help the children or it won' t.
Please give me your valuable time once again with your guidance on making decision on leaving child in boarding school from next year..
Thanks again in Advance.
Pooja
Subscribe to this conversation
Reply Anonymously
Hi Saheli,
I think you remember me. I am the one with 7 year old child left at mother and sis place and with husband with disorganised financial planning. As you know the whole story of mine I took the liberty of posting a question on you name.
What is your opinion on boarding school. Please don' t think that I am a cruel mother planning to send the 8 year old child to boarding school. I am just collecting opinions from the experienced mothers. Does it help the children or it won' t.
Please give me your valuable time once again with your guidance on making decision on leaving child in boarding school from next year..
Thanks again in Advance.
Pooja
Namita replied. If your parents and sis are ok keeping him with them let your child b with them instead of boarding, you can meet him on weekends or fortnightly(i know few people who do this) .... if they hve financial prob., then ofcourse instead of spending money in boarding schools which are always costly you can give that money to ur parents....
If your parents have prob. to keep him .... look for some full time maid, who will stay with u, i know it is very uncomfortable to keep a third person at our home, i can also understand tht this maid gossips as soon as they come to know abt our in n out of our house our relations etc. But this is a best option rather then keeping ur child away from u and this is also a much more cheaper option. ... full time maids you will get in 3000 or so
Pooja replied. Thanks Saheli and Ritika.
As you both mentioned that there are +ves & -ves in leaving children at boarding school. I am still thinking... I am also planning to speak to my in-laws. I will keep you posted.
I once again sincerely thank both of you for a very quick reply.
Pooja.
Ritika replied. Hi Pooja,
1) Correct me if I' m wrong...but I thought the main reason why you left your kid with your sis and mom was because you were financially strapped and were trying to earn and save some money to get over your hubby' s debts.
Good boarding schools are very expensive. I don' t know if you' ve looked at the cost aspect of it.
2) I have a few first cousins who have studied from Doon, Scindia, Sherwood etc. But they entered when they were at least 11 or so. ( I think usually they take kids only from class 4th onwards)...
One of the biggest negative (that I have seen) is that there is loss of that family feeling within them. Plus they become very aloof..again, this is my perspective based on just a few 4-5 people that I have seen.
A child of 7 yrs, I feel, is too young to stay away from his parents (or a close relative). If you send him at such a young age, chances are that the bond between mother and son would invariably be weakened quite a bit.
I still feel that there must be some way to keep the child with you. Have you checked a day care near your office? It can' t be more expensive than a boarding school. At least you' ll be seeing him morning and evening + weekends.
Is there something in your story that I' m missing...?
What is your husband' s take on all this? Is he also ok with the child staying away from him? Does he realize that it is because of his financial behavior that the child is suffering?
Saheli replied. Pooja,
Looks like you are seriously looking for solutions to your problems.
Please take my word, and consult a counsellor. You are considering right options and taking right steps. Invest in a professional' s advice as it will give you wholistic picture, experienced answers and help take a right decision.
We can only suggest based on what you write, but the counsellor will able to guide you better.
Anyways. My personal opinion abour boarding schools is good. But they should be good schools, renowned ones.
I am assuming you know the goods and bads of putting kid in a boarding school so dont want to write them here. Evaluate the goods/bads against goods/bads in your condition. I ean, actually write down on paper all options, their adv and disadv, and evaluate them. For eg, keeping kid with u, or with mom, or boarding school.
Also check the kid' s readiness for that. Dont tell him rightaway what you are thinking. Start with just telling him concept of schools, the good associated with it. In separate discussions, try and make him aware of your situation without giving hint that u r thinking of boarding school, and without spoiling respect for father or anybody.
This way, see how he accepts the concept of boarding school. If you see him totally rejecting the idea, then no point telling him that you are thinking about boarding school for him. If you see him liking the concept, you can tell him as per what you decide.
I may not be right person to suggest about boarding schools because my experience is limited. I have come across a few people who have lived in these schools. All of them were well educated, well mannered, independent, professional. Also, all of them had one common flavour of attitude ... little bit negative .. probably because they stayed away from loved ones.
A few of them I have seen at very high posts in later stages.
My personal opinion considering your overall situation is this. Best if you keeo him with you, if manageable. Next option is your mom+sis who you say to be very nice people. Third would be boarding school.
If you think nothing else is working out, I would say go ahead with brd school.
But please be aware, this is my opinion and do not get biased by it. I am NOT a professional. Nor have good exposure to boarding school kids. Please consult a counsellor and take your own decision.
Be confident, dont forget to take out time to do things you like and enjoy. You are thinking right lines, just take decisions carefully. Dont think you are alone. Life will be good, very soon.
Happiness is what we define. If we go considering that happiness lies in having a good hubby only, then its that way. If he is not that bad, make sure you are not spoiling your happiness and enjoying the good qualities he has.
Keep us posted. I am really involved in your case and feel for you, please let me know how it goes.
2007-09-06
#1
Name: Namita Subject: Think 100 times ... other options are always there
If your parents and sis are ok keeping him with them let your child b with them instead of boarding, you can meet him on weekends or fortnightly(i know few people who do this) .... if they hve financial prob., then ofcourse instead of spending money in boarding schools which are always costly you can give that money to ur parents....
If your parents have prob. to keep him .... look for some full time maid, who will stay with u, i know it is very uncomfortable to keep a third person at our home, i can also understand tht this maid gossips as soon as they come to know abt our in n out of our house our relations etc. But this is a best option rather then keeping ur child away from u and this is also a much more cheaper option. ... full time maids you will get in 3000 or so
2007-08-28
#2
Name: Pooja Subject: Thank you..
Thanks Saheli and Ritika.
As you both mentioned that there are +ves & -ves in leaving children at boarding school. I am still thinking... I am also planning to speak to my in-laws. I will keep you posted.
I once again sincerely thank both of you for a very quick reply.
Pooja.
2007-08-25
#3
Name: Ritika Subject: Re:
Hi Pooja,
1) Correct me if I' m wrong...but I thought the main reason why you left your kid with your sis and mom was because you were financially strapped and were trying to earn and save some money to get over your hubby' s debts.
Good boarding schools are very expensive. I don' t know if you' ve looked at the cost aspect of it.
2) I have a few first cousins who have studied from Doon, Scindia, Sherwood etc. But they entered when they were at least 11 or so. ( I think usually they take kids only from class 4th onwards)...
One of the biggest negative (that I have seen) is that there is loss of that family feeling within them. Plus they become very aloof..again, this is my perspective based on just a few 4-5 people that I have seen.
A child of 7 yrs, I feel, is too young to stay away from his parents (or a close relative). If you send him at such a young age, chances are that the bond between mother and son would invariably be weakened quite a bit.
I still feel that there must be some way to keep the child with you. Have you checked a day care near your office? It can' t be more expensive than a boarding school. At least you' ll be seeing him morning and evening + weekends.
Is there something in your story that I' m missing...?
What is your husband' s take on all this? Is he also ok with the child staying away from him? Does he realize that it is because of his financial behavior that the child is suffering?
2007-08-24
#4
Name: Saheli Subject: re:
Pooja,
Looks like you are seriously looking for solutions to your problems.
Please take my word, and consult a counsellor. You are considering right options and taking right steps. Invest in a professional' s advice as it will give you wholistic picture, experienced answers and help take a right decision.
We can only suggest based on what you write, but the counsellor will able to guide you better.
Anyways. My personal opinion abour boarding schools is good. But they should be good schools, renowned ones.
I am assuming you know the goods and bads of putting kid in a boarding school so dont want to write them here. Evaluate the goods/bads against goods/bads in your condition. I ean, actually write down on paper all options, their adv and disadv, and evaluate them. For eg, keeping kid with u, or with mom, or boarding school.
Also check the kid' s readiness for that. Dont tell him rightaway what you are thinking. Start with just telling him concept of schools, the good associated with it. In separate discussions, try and make him aware of your situation without giving hint that u r thinking of boarding school, and without spoiling respect for father or anybody.
This way, see how he accepts the concept of boarding school. If you see him totally rejecting the idea, then no point telling him that you are thinking about boarding school for him. If you see him liking the concept, you can tell him as per what you decide.
I may not be right person to suggest about boarding schools because my experience is limited. I have come across a few people who have lived in these schools. All of them were well educated, well mannered, independent, professional. Also, all of them had one common flavour of attitude ... little bit negative .. probably because they stayed away from loved ones.
A few of them I have seen at very high posts in later stages.
My personal opinion considering your overall situation is this. Best if you keeo him with you, if manageable. Next option is your mom+sis who you say to be very nice people. Third would be boarding school.
If you think nothing else is working out, I would say go ahead with brd school.
But please be aware, this is my opinion and do not get biased by it. I am NOT a professional. Nor have good exposure to boarding school kids. Please consult a counsellor and take your own decision.
Be confident, dont forget to take out time to do things you like and enjoy. You are thinking right lines, just take decisions carefully. Dont think you are alone. Life will be good, very soon.
Happiness is what we define. If we go considering that happiness lies in having a good hubby only, then its that way. If he is not that bad, make sure you are not spoiling your happiness and enjoying the good qualities he has.
Keep us posted. I am really involved in your case and feel for you, please let me know how it goes.
All tips on Parents of Schoolgoers
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic : Saheli and other friends
Subscribe to this conversation!
All tips on Parents of Schoolgoers
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic : Saheli and other friends
Subscribe to this conversation!
All tips on Parents of Schoolgoers
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
I feel that my husbands parents are using their son. My husband is from India and I am from the USA. He obtained his greencard and citizenship through me after coming here. He is a physician and obtained his residency training. I worked to earn for our family for two years until he got his job. Then he applied for his parents to visit us on a visiting visa. We were both wo... - Tina Shah [View Message]
RE:self centered inlaws
I agree they have completely double standards as I recently found out. I saw my husbands childhood photos when he was young. His parents claim they sacrificed everything for their kids and lived poor and behave like martyr parents. Got treated as free domestic servant. But the photos showed them dressed like Bollywood stars with watches and jewellery enjoying their life. O... - Tina [View Message]
RE:self centered inlaws
Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve. ... - Tina [View Message]
RE:Jadu on food?
Hi , I am facing the same thing.. I married my husband and we are not only from different caste but also different country. My in-laws are so nice to me on face but I can sense the jealousy and that inferiority majorly in my mother in law and my sister in law.. I never had such doubts but I experienced pain sadness , depression while they use to be nice .. and it was confu... - Noname [View Message]
RE:Mother-in-law spoiling my child
hello kajal,
you think that excess sugar given to him by your mother in law, and thats why you are worried about your son, so dont take stress of this thing, your son is little now, after some years, he will stop eating sugar by selfly.... - nandita [View Message]
RE:Mother-in-law spoiling my child
hello kajal,
if you are dont like your mother in law behaviour then tell her on face, that you dont whenever she gave sugar to her son, so she may be stop giving sugar to him, and your porblem will be sort out.... - kamna [View Message]
RE:Mother-in-law spoiling my child
hello kajal,
if you are rudely talking with her, then this is not way to talking with your mother in law, you tell her in polite way, your son is her grand son, so she never think about his bad effects.... - ruchita [View Message]