Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi all,
I had been a silent observer since past 6 yrs on this board. Thanks to all who reder valuble advice to folks in need. The reason for me to post this message is that i see a lot of positivity on this board .I am married for past 7 1/2 yrs with a 2yrs kid.My life had been a hell since i married. My husband is a mama' s boy and just listens to his mom for even taking food.I am an independent type who was working in a mnc though not in a highly paying job.We were a joint family and his mom disliked me a lot since she thought dils would seperate her from son since i was looking good far better than her son.Ours was ana arranged marriage.i found everything strange since i got married since i felt something was unusual at home.i got sick as i had to travel long for work.I couldn' t manage my health as i was getting depressed day by day after hearing my Mil' s complaint and my husband showed deaf ear towards it.I had nil support. Finally i couldn' t manage any further and came to my parents house .ILS Left my husband and went to home town after brainwashing son' s mind.My husband asked me join me and started torturin by speaking bad and rude always .i thought he would be o in time. But it continued for next 3 yrs during which my health went bad and i gained a lot of weight out of depression. We fought whenever we were together. Finally i decided to get divorced and went to my parents place . My parents finally found that some black magic was done on me and her son by Mil. We spent money and corrected it. My daughter was born after 3 yrs of blackmagic removal but still my health is not ok. I get depressed now and then for some or the other reason. I stopped visiting ILS house since i knew that they did bad to me.My husband had reduced nagging me to visit his parents during our india trip since we live in USA.After my child' s birth my husband has changed a bitfor good and both of our lives revolve around our daughter.ILS have never changed till today and keep cursing me atleast once a week on phone when husband speak on speaker phone.They have visited my daughter only at temples only where i allowd them to see their grand daughter.I am unable to decide whether to go to their place which would turn my life hell again since i need to settle in india in next 1 1/2 years. Kindly advice me what would be best to decide since i have a guilty feeling for not making my husband happy on this .Thanks Namita replied. One more thing i wanted to tell u, y dont u tell ur husband that if u are moving to india u will WORK there, as u was working before and after marriage, it was ur decision to leave and now also it will b ur decision to join back. If you will take up a job (nver mind with minimum sal), this job itself gives us a confidenc in ourself and we learn to speak out and stand and fight for ourself. If he gives reason of ur daughter tell him lots of care center are there give him some fake eg. of friend who are at good postion and good human being even though they were brought up in care center bla bla ... If he fights, fight back never mind if it gets physical ... sufuring for few days or months convincing him to let u work is ok, rather than sufuring for whole life with his parents. yogapriya replied. Hi all,
Thank you for all of ur valuable inputs.My husband speaks to me in a way that he says i am wrong in all aspects.This makes me feel bad always and unwanted thoughts come often. I had taken effort to reduce weight and on medication .I read a lot of books to boost my confidence .Do yoga and meditation, Inspite of all these i get depressed since i cannot speak back to him as he speaks too much which makes myself go into shell.I had spoken to him for staying away from his parents for some more time.Since i am not employed and he doesn' t want me to do ajob, I am worried about going back to india and settling.Please give me some more input on this Saheli replied. Dear Priya,
From your story, I am wondering why you are even considering the option of staying with your inlaws. You havent mentioned details about going back to India .. if you have already found a job/your hubby has got one, why do you guys want to go back, why cant you find a job in another city.

Try and seek a separate home for yourselves in India.

My reason for suggesting you this is not your MIL' s/ILs' behavior or what they have done. I am suggesting this because it seems to me that you would not be able to emotinally handle them. If you are going there with neg notions in your mind, the latter obviously wont work out.

Just want to share some of my thoughts, what I felt after reading your story. May be you have not given all the details, but this is what appears to me from its \" face value\" .

You have mentioned only a few problems you faced when you were with MIL. Hubby being a mumma' s boy, or being rude to you, doesnt seem to be a reason good enough for a divorce/separation. Was that all they were doing to you? Or, was their anything from your side that they were not liking, any serious faults they were finding in you? Anyways. I dont expect the answers, but just that the reasons dont seem sufficient enough in a short para.

About depression. Depression cannot be cured at home. If it has been diagnosed as \" depression\" , then it needs consultation from a psychologist. We generally expect people to try and come out of it, which is not possible. For serious cases of depressions, medication is also suggested.

Depression and anxiety increases weight. Impacts health. I hope you have consulted some doctor and told about your physical and emotional health. I also assume that you have undergone tests like thyroid and all (the doc would suggest this, pls dont go by my words!). If exercise and balanced diet is not helping you reduce your weight, then find out other reasons behind.

You can ask ' Rajani vs' on this board, she is a nutriotionist, may be able to guide you better about this.

I think what your ILs return and you joining your hubby is what has helped improve the relationship. Addition of a daughter has enhanced it all the more! I dont believe in black magic, nor think they would have done anything like that. I am sorry to be straight here, and again, this is just my opinion (or peeception in this case), that at times a couple takes longer time to realise the value of togetherness. And it applies to both, he .. or you.

Black magic exists. I dont deny its existence, but I believe its all scietific and has explainable reasons behind it. I also believe that to do this, needs immense practice and dedication, for years and years. If you know they referred to a Tantric who is at that level of expertise, then only it is possible.

Please try and resolve the matters, if any pending, with your hubby patiently and with love. Take his feedback seriously, and try to change yourself if you think he is right. If you think ego is a reason at times for the arguments, then avoid that. Dont expect it from him, start yourself. If he is childish and still take' s mumma' s side, then just forgive him. They are away now, and you two are in USA. Couldnt have been better.

Good luck and keep us updated. leena replied. I really don' t understand why these men that are mummmy' s boys get married...they should stay at home and listen to their mums...
First yoga priya u need to get protection on urself incase ur mil gets on a mission to do more black magic on u guys...really these people are sick in their minds....what these inlaw do just to control their sons...secondly u shouldnt have to do anything u dont want to do...why u making ur life miserable for those idiots who dont care about u and are ruining ur life..
U have to focus on ur daughter now who needs u aswell as ur husband even though he has never fought or defended u, but u know there is a god out there and hopefully one day he will open his eyes and say that what he did was wrong.
I hope u have confronted ur mil about all these things she has been doing because i would have by now.u need to start doing what she does to u but basically not infront of ur husband. its very difficult but u have to play the game infront of ur husband be all nice to them etc (thats the most harderst part) and then when he is not there u speak and do what u want....but if u have a option of going to stay there or not then pls dont go there....why u worring about not making ur husband happy on this matter....if he wants to go and live with his mum then let him,...they dont feel guilty and say if tommorrow they do some black magic on ur daughter what u going to do then. these people are totally insane and they are capable of doing anything so best to stay away and focus on ur own family.
Good luck in the decision u take dddd replied. Yoga priya you have taken charge and did the right thing. I am also in same situation. Only difference is my in laws keep doing black magic and i keep suffering here. I am in US and they in India.MY husband had been abusive mentally and physically before thanks to my in laws black magic. I took legal action after suffering for 4 yrs.
Why dont u tell your husband you need to stay apart. Its better to be bad before than suffer. One thing we shud not suffer and let in laws lord over us.My SIL is an evil witch who lords over everybody in my husband' s house. Once my husbands says he is in a problem
she says come back . My in laws are doing black magic from 5 yrs so that my husband comes back to india and is not attached to me and abusive.But now with my efforts we havent gone back and they are seething as their efforts are not coming true.
Why dont u try to apply for canadian permanent residence. Most people who leave US do that.In that way you will be far and happy. or can try UK too. Just a suggestion.
take care and post back. Ritika replied. Please don' t feel guilty for wanting to have a normal non-abusive life away from your in-laws.

Your husband is not a 2 year old child that he has to be with his mommy and daddy all the time to be happy - he' ll get over it.

Let alone \" unable to decide\" , I don' t know why you are even entertaining this idea after all your past experience with them??

You start living with them again and you' ll be in the same hell as before.