Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi
I dont know friends how to start.I have put my problem ind discussion borad from several angles.This is my last try. I am married 13yrs ,i have 2 kids. my son doesnt bother to open his book n read . He cannot concentrate ,i sent him to tution also The teacher says he can do but he wont ,poor concentration ,very distractive.H eis 12yrs.Weak in math.H e will not put efforts. Now we r in US .I dont know weather it is good for him to study here r in India.We r bringigng books from library for revising math.he doesnt want to learn. He says i get headache .I will not.H e dis obeys me all the time i cannot make him to sit .

K eeping this aside I have problem with my MIL saying that iam unable to teach him n put him under control.She wanted him to be with her when he was small n even my hubby.She is in a small town.I donot want that cause he used to be sick often when he was small.As yrs passed there is lot of change in him.He curses me for putting him into ICSE.Cause he wants to go to STATE syllabus as evry thing will be spoon fed.Besides my MIL N husband says had he been with my mom he would have been better.T here r many differnces betwen us.My Mil takes advantage of this n tries to blame me for every thing thats happening in the house.My son is not friendly with my daughter also .H e always hits her n some times they will be good .Even for this my MIL SAYS no even my daughter is to be blamed ,she tells her not to go to the brother n tells my husband to put them in differnt places.[seperate them] I dont understand does any one faced this problem n did u tried to seperate them ? PLS help me with any tips .Thanks for ur here.
Namita replied. Y dont u put ur son in State board, yes state board studies are more easier then ICSE, ther is lot of difference, some children cant cope up with ICSE and CBSE, thats ok .... take ur son to Art of living or some Yoga class, ask him to do meditation, never mind start it with some time. and even u sit with him. Neetha replied. Nija,

From what you wrote, it seems to me that your son' s behavious could be related to ADHD. You say that you are in US now. Discuss this with his pediatrician and they might have more input/advise for you.

And take your MIL' s comments with a pinch of salt. Concentrate on the problem at hand! Once you figure out the solution and implement it with the help of professionals, that itself will be an answer for all your MIL' s cribbings.

Good Luck! a friend replied. Hi Nija,

As long as the MIL' s interfere in their grand children lives where it is not necessary the situation will be the same like your son' s. I feel he was pampered by your husband and MIL. Since they scold you in front of him he doesn' t respect you. Try looking at the problem in a diff. angle. Is there anything else that you are not giving your kid which he likes more? If that that is the situation sit with him understand his feelings. Promise him you would definitely do that when he reaches his targets. Set some goals to him. Should be very short term initially (as you said his has less concentration). When you see some progress encourage him with some gifts which he likes more. Spend time with him like a friend don' t command things from him. One more important thing you need to remember is that he is entering teen age so you need to be much more careful on his feelings.

Tell your husband and MIL also not to blame you in front of your son. Anything needs to be discussed in his absence only. Tell them we all are worried about his future, something can be achieved by working collectively. Not by blaming at others. You are with your husband since 13 years. Don' t let your MIL take control of your home. You can always respect her but ..... draw a line showing love and care towards her.

Coming to separating your children is not going to solve the problems. Fights in between children is common at any home. Don' t give too much attention.

ALL THE BEST !!! Let me know your feelings and progress. nn replied. don,t worry P
I think you should take your son to a counsellor.It should be easy in us to find one.TO me it seems a Behaviorial problem.
nn