Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

i live with my husband and 1 year old baby.
my bro-in-law also stay with us.
my in-laws are very nice people and husband is very much attached
to his brother and parents.i feel like an outsider everytime and is jealous to see them all
enjoying together.
my in-laws are staying away but will join us soon after my fil retires.
now i am really worried how will i cope with them in my life as i am always uncomfortable
in their presence.
they are nice to me till now but i dont want to be in a joint family.
whenever i am with them my husband always criticise me that i am not behaving well with them.
he is dissatisfied with me in this regard but otherwise our relationship is very good.
i always feel i am the wrong person but i cant change the way i think also.
i never showed any disrespect to my in-laws but i feel suffocated and
detached in their presence.
any suggestions is most welcome about how to learn to adjust and be happy. NJ replied. Hi SSS,

You are lucky that you IN-Laws are coming to stay with you. You mentioned that they are nice people then what is the problem. You also have parents, don' t you wish that your SIL should behave nicely with your mother and Father.

You mentioned that you feel jealous when you see all them then happy, instead of being jealous why don' t you join them and enjoy with them. Why do you think your IN' s are coming, why don' t you imagine your parents are coming.
Don' t react when you husband comments on you, he would understand. He should be happy that his wife is caring about his parents.

Beleive me, I have raised my kids of my own and could tell you that its really a bleasing that your kids would have grand parents with them. There might be some financial burden but don' t worry we would also be burden on our kids some days. They have raised your Husband and they now deserve some love and care back.

Enjoy the blessing and just ignore if husband says anything, he would stop it. SG replied. I feel insecurity & jealousy is on both sides (wife & mother) like sabita has said when we leave r parents house,its husband we r most closed and it take years to gel into his family and make it our family. Sameway mil is insecured too as she is loosing her son.So son/hubby is one person who can really handle the situation well but they usually keep themself away or bydefault tk parents side.
In ur situation is start thinking worse before something happens...just be happy & enjoy with them.If they r gud to u as of now then be normal & gud to them. Yes imp is that u & ur hubby should also smtime alone even hen inlaws comes...so that u can share ur feelings with him.Assure ur husband that u r doing the best u can do and later if still unnecessary blames for not doing and ur ur inlaws r not comlaining then ask them if they r hv some prob from u or not(dont tell abt the discussion bet ur hubby & u).
Yes its sad that we hv to leave our parents but thats the way it is as of now.Imp is we can be with our parents when they need us afterall they hv taken pains for us in the same way as they wud hv tkn for a boy child.
They r coming for ur kid so tk thr help ...give luv to them so they can gv luv to u & ur kid.Its easy to work when kids r tkn care by inlaws.For small prob dont mk issue,thats a cost one has to pay for living together.
sabita replied. I can understand yor situation completly....i think its may be because we leave our parents and other family members just to live with a load of \" RESPONSIBILITIES\" life....we are expected to be \" ROBERTS\" after marriage...and when we see our HUBBY enjoying his life with his parents and other family members we get jealous..i feel its natural and it would take years to get rid out of that..but one thing i would like to pray for future generation that their should be law that no parent and child can be separated even after marriage..sometimes i feel western culture is very much better than us..Anyways i have made up my mind and concentrating more on my kid to make her the best all the time..instead of wasting of my time getting jelous all the time..PLEASE FRIENDS DO SEND ME ALL OF YOUR VIEWS..What do you all think am i correct or wrong.. freind replied. Hi there,
Reading ur post remineded me of my ownsituation.The relaionship i share with me in laws is also very formal but in the long run this is the best way, this is wat i have concluded.Wat i can suggest from my exp is that dont over do or over indulge ur in laws only for thier stamp of approval. Respect them and treat them rightfully and dont expect much from anyone.Set ur expectations low from them n u will remain calm. As with ur hubby dont criticize his family just make him understand of ur insecurities and not that u dont respect them but u need to be given space to do ur own stuff.
As far as living in a joint family is concerned i dont know wat ur in laws financial position is so as of now hang in there and let them be after all they r ur hubbies parents. Just dont bend over backwards for them.Things will not be as bad as u imagine.