Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I have a very peculiar situation and was hoping that you all will give me some needed advice.
My husband is the only son in the family and also his sister lives in US like us. I have a 3 year old boy and my inlaws were were here after he was born and MIL stayed for 6 months. We had to force her out as she had come with the plan to stay year or longer if possible. I have never lived in india with them and have been living in US with my husband for last 7 years. Since they have left, in every phone conversation I am reminded by my FIL about how much they miss their grand son(While he was here my FIL also mentioned to me couple of times how much he hates to see MIL in the Kitchen at her age when everyone else have thei DIL taking care of the kitchen). My MIL is in excellent condition and takes care of her body better than me. MIL keeps telling us that she wants to come back here to play with her grand child. I dont mind if they come here for a month or two and then leave, I have an issue with staying here for 6 months. 6 months is a long time and my work load increases and I lose all my privacy as she does nothin but talk to her daughter(my SIL) everyday on the phone while I go to work, come home cook and all they do is chat and MIL tells her what we ate, what I bought, who came to visit and such.
To top all this my husband bears all the expenses. I find it extremely strange but that' s how it is my SIL does not spend even a single penny on her parents. But gets the advantage of having her parents close by without spendig any money and her father (My FIL) saw her(my SIL' s daughter for the first time when the child was five years old and that also when we paid for FIL visit in the US). I did not see them dying to see thier grandchild from daughter' s side

For some wierd reason they think that they can not depend on their daughter at all and are haqdar in their sons house.
I don' t know what to tell them on the phone and also my MIL is trying to be too sweet these days as she is pressing my DH for her to come here.
Pl help and sorry for long saga.
Ruchi
sammy replied. Hi,

I live in the US too. I have been here for 6 years. I have no kids. My S-I-L lives in another state in the US and she invites her parents every year to visit her and take care of her kids. Two years ago, she called my husband and asked him to share the travel expenses for my in-laws to come here. It did not make sense to me as they were visiting her to take care of her kids. Why was she asking us to bear half of the expenses? I was doing temp jobs at that time and did not make a lot of money. My hubby told her straight that it is not fair and also that we are having financial problem. So you see these S-I-L' s are really smart. Namita replied. never let them come at ur home ... if they want they can stay at daughters place ... if next time ur FIL says abt kitchen, taunt him with a smiling attitude that now-a days DIL work in India so hardly get time for kitchen, u peole are blessed tht u hve to cook only for u 2 ... and abt ur child ... tell him that we will get him to India every year to meet u, in this way we can meet other relatives also(there side dnt talk abt ur relatives)and he will be accustomed with our indian culture bla bal.. and cont. saying that in this way in one xpense we can do lots of things ... say this as if u r not telling them bt asking and final sentence should come from you to ur agreement

Try this it will definately work, only thing it depends on ur husband, hope he dont get annoyed to it or say it in his absence never mind if u hve to waist money on 1 or 2 call for this. Bt better in front of ur husband.

Dont discuss this with ur husband, some guys dont like such idea but are ok when said unknowingly(unknwoing for him and evn if he says something give him innocent look and tell him tht i didnt mean to hurt them just it was my view).

This will really work, try politely dddd replied. Ruchi,I also stay in US. I am here from almost 5 yrs. No kids as yet.
But my situation is similar in lots of ways as my in laws too tell they want to come here. What i found a good way to put a stop to their visit is to tell them they are welcome to come and tell my husband not now.It works for me.you didnt mention how your husband responds to this.if he is on your side. tell him the expenses and explain the visit will be a stress to u .
In my case,we move every year and question of job stability is there.with these tensions how can i think of entertaining them. Also the first thing my in laws will force my husband is to get back to India. My husband is still young in early thirties. He wants to study in future.They are not concerned with his dreams of anything just that they want him to fulfill their wish.They have branded me aggressive and home wrecker who doesnt know how to adjust to married life . All this becoz my husband will not come back to india to them. Once he goes there,they will all make him a person who is laid back and not ambitious.
It will be very strenous for u when your in laws visit. I can understand this with your description about your mil and fil.
SILs are angels to husbands and in laws. They can never be wrong.My SIL is the worst. She is a home wrecker. But nobody sees her attitude in my husbands house. So now instead of asking my husband to respond,i give her back. Why dont u ask your husband to ask your SIL to also share your in laws trip. See her reaction.
My in laws too insist they want to visit us.They may miss their son but my husband hardly spent anytime with his parents growing up. My Mil always tells me why do u need to worry he will eat when he is hungry. Never they show any attachment same with my husband. But after my marriage they must have insisted 20 times they want to come and see my husband and they miss him.If they come me and my husband will surely separate.
Best of luck and post back.