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Role of in-laws:Can anyone tell me how this happened?
2007-06-05
Name: suni



This is not a MIL problem but just a management type of problem and I am not able to find out reasons. My MIL stays with us. I am a working person with 2 sons. Mil looks after elder son while maid looks after the baby son.
Maid cooks food both times. When I am at home, I look after both kids and maid is in kitchen. Since past 1 month my mil has gone to a relative place for marriage and something. Since she ahs gone my maid and i have realised one thing that there is suddenly very less work in the house.
The work load has gone down and house seems cleaner and in control more than earlier. Maid has lot of free time and looks after kids better, gets time for her meals bath and other small tasks and also takes a small nap in noon.

There was not much work as such that maid does for mil and so we are surprised why house is better managed in mil' s absence.

When mil was here the maid always would be so busy and have lot of work to do. She wd find time dificult to get for her own bath or lunch. Morning she would make lunch and pack our tiffins and then feed baby breakfast. The baby would then sleep then his milk bottle. By that time my elder son back from school. There is another maid who baths both kids and makes them ready. The first maid makes rotis and serves food to son and mil. then feeds lunch to baby. Then she cleans kitchen while baby plays with bhaiya and mil. then maid puts baby sleeps by 3 pm and maid has lunch after that and goes for her bath washes her clothes etc. This goes till 5 pm. All other tasks are done by the other maid. 630 pm i am back home and by that time the maid makes both kids ready for playing in park gives milk to both and goes to park with my mil.
There is not much work maid does for mil. She serves her brakfast (in her bed), makes 2 roti for her and serves food in her bed (along with food for son). Mil makes her own morning and evening tea. Maid cuts fruits for mil around 11 am or gives her hot glass of milk. But yes while lunch the maid had to do number of rounds to mil' s room to serve her all food. Earlier maid used to make 7 rotis now she makes 5.

I keep in touuch with maid by frequent calls from office and i see that she and the other maid bath kids on time, feed them on time they play together cutely and all 3 are asleep by 3 till 5 pm! Then she makes them ready, gives milk, prepares little bit dinner like sabji daal and go to park.
My mil used to take kid' s homework which is now on me. But i am also finding house more controlled and better managed (earlier she would decide menus, buy veg and control maid i had little house work to do except for baby). I cook remaining food and take kid' s homework also make their evening snacks while maid looks after kid. And everything goes smoothly.
I even get time and energy to make my kid brush teeth before bed which i never had earlier and even read them books or teach something good or tell a story.
The extra tasks maid had to do because of mil at times was making chatni or pickle or cutting extra veg. But that too was not everyday.

Why is this happening? When there wasnt much work as such that mil added to maid why are we finding comparatively much more time and better managed house when all the responsibilities are now on us?
Please help me find out. this will help me do the same when mil is back. The house is ill managed and hoshposh when she is here.
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2007-06-12
#1
Anonymous Name: Priya
Subject:  Hi



This is quiet a interesting post. I am facing exact same thing with my MOM (not MIL :) )

When mom is around house is all hotch potch .. things thrown around and maid all day wiping something or other ... and cribbing.
And when mom is not around and I have to manage .. its better managed and everyone has spare time for nap or tv or anything.
I shall post details in some other thread but I guess bottomline is better time management and more organised work plan for maids.
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2007-06-05
#2
Anonymous Name: Minka
Subject:  Best of luck !



Hi,

Aren' t you the same person who posted earlier about maid having to feed baby and at same time , make rotis for MIL and son.

I feel that maybe your MIL is trying to do a lot of things like pickles and cut extra veggies etc which may not be necessary. But if that' s what makes her comfortable, so be it.

The other thing is most old people like to make the most of having a servant around. The idea of a maid napping and resting may go against their mindset of wasting money on maid. On the other hand, if the maid is rested and relaxed, she may handle your children better. SO maybe you can ask your MIL to see if it makes a difference in how maid handles things when she' s stressed and when she has too many things to do. And do it diplomatically a few days after your MIL comes back - you don' t want her to feel like you have taken charge in her absence. Get her involved in keeping an eye on maid and tell her you think maid handles kids better when she' s relaxed.
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2007-06-07
#3
Anonymous Name: suni
Subject:  this is helpful



No minka i am not the same person. I remember that post as I am a regular reader on these boards. Situation seems similar. But your suggestions are good and you are right in saying that my mil must b keeping the maid busy. U r right she is of the same concept that if we are paying for a full time maid then maid should be working all day except for basic needs. which i think is not right as she is also human and away from her family. every human needs love and care. i also talked to my maid hersf and asked her the reason. at first she was not able to think but then she found out that my mil keeps giving her work and so she is busy.

i will try to talk to mil as per yor siggestion whn she is back. lets see if that helps.
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