Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi,

I am married 8 years back, now with 7 year old child. We both are working. In the first four years of marriage I was paid good and his salary was only used for his conveyance and other expenses. I used to manage the home hoping for better opportunity for him. To manage the home expenses I had taken credit card. Later he got an offer with a good company and a smart pay. But it was in someother city. I had to quit my job very forcefully to accommodate him at his work place. After me resigning the job (I haven' t looked for a new job at new place) I settled the credit cards from my savings. There was a big issue with my in-laws that time. Then we decided not to take credit cards in future, we will learn to manage with the money what we have.

Surprisingly after one year of shifting I came to know that my husband took a credit card (I came to know about this only when the executive came for recovery), very huge amount was pending. All this were spent for his tour expenses and the company has not paid him back. This continued and finallly he left his job without recovering the amount. We both were jobless for few months. I cleared his credit cards by selling my gold.

He joined a new company, another city even there also the same scene continued. He stopped giving money to home. Finally I made a decision came back to the place where I was working, looked for a job meanwhile he also got transferred. After me shifting to my old place I told all these to my in-laws they spoke to him. Now the situation is he gives me a little money which will fullfill min. requirements saying he wants rest of the money for his tours. AND latest news is that he again applied for a credit card for managing his tours.
I am not backed with any money from my mother to save for my kids future. We have to earn for my kids higher studies. Apart from this he is very caring..... I don' t think I should brake the relation.

How can I convince him and make him understand the responsibility of a father & behave like a responsible father. There is nobody like him in his family.

Please advise me .... Namita replied. For what tour have he made such expenses, enquire abt it now ... never mind evn if it is a past ... next time u r spending some money fo rhis expense do it bt show him that u r doing it and only bcoz of u he is able to spend so much ...

Abt investment, lock-in his money in FD' s or SIP or recurring so that he has no option bt to give some amt. every month (not to u bt thru invest.) tell him benefits of it tell the returns he will get ... as much as possible keep investment documents away from him, dont let him know where u invest etc. tell him most of money is spend on expense ... manisha replied. Its easire said than done. Breaking marriage is not that easy..esp if he is otherwise a caring husband and also that thye two of you have a kid. think about the child' s life too. I think you need to do two things.
1. Be TOTALLY independent. earn on your own and manage the baby' s life and yours independently (just like you would if you were seperate).
Take charge of situation and be very strict with him regarding his repayments. It will be good if you can save some money without his knowledge (show them as expenses to him). This will make your situation financially stronger. Do not melt down and help out with jewellery or any other asset. Let him know that you love him, you are there in his life and the child' s life, but this attitude is just not done. Strict but caring...is the answer to this. It is possible that he always ends up being carried away by these sales agents. give him time. Do not leave him just for this. Life without a partner is not easy for either of you and esp for the baby, no matter whether you are with your parents or inlaws or alone. (unless of course his character is in question) the challange is to make the situation work. Smitha replied. Honestly, you are wasting one year of your life with this guy. You will be even further depressed. Get out right now from this situation.
I know of a personal case where this kind of a guy not only drained out whatever money and gold the wife had but also his father in law took his retirement money and gave it to the son in law, the final story was that, he used it all up and lost it and ultimately ditched his wife. You don' t want to land into this kind of situation do you ? Think and act now before it' s too late.

Smitha Smitha replied. In my opinion you are headed towards financial disaster with this guy. You should cut your losses and run away from this guy. You were able to pay off credit card debt by selling off your gold, next time what is your plan ? It will only keep getting worse, I would advise that you should leave this guy and be on your own.

Smitha