Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

My problem is almost entirely different. My husband' s family is very loving and caring. Though we are staying seperate since almost very begining, my SIL is staying with us for earlier study- now work. She is caring, but is extremely outgoing and a spendthrift and spoilt by the loving parents. (she owns at least 40 pairs of footwear and has at least 10 handbags for diffrent occasions. Her wardrobe is thrice the size mine).My MIL encourages this attitude in her and pampers her. Also Despite staying seperate, we' ve never had the privacy a couple wants. I cannot go out shopping with her as she expects me to then bear her expenses. She herself can shop like mad and then likes to show it all off in front of me. In my own house I feel that I am not myself when with her. Though I love her and all that but I am tired of being so nice in front of her and playing the ' elder' all the time. I cannot tell her any of this. Though apparently nothing is wrong, Its not positive vibes in the house. How can I help the situation?? hope2help replied. I think suggesting that your SIL gets married is an amazingly old fashioned, chauvenistic and narrow-minded comment. I truely do! On top of that your SIL sounds naieve and immensely unprepared for marriage based on her ignorance of her imposition. She will hardly have a happy marrage when she is blind to what she is doing.

Getting back to the problem what would happen if you went shopping and forgot money? You couldn' t buy anything right? Why is it that your SIL is oblivious to this simple fact of life? For het own good and certainly for your own sanity someone needs to sit her down and speak with her about how this world operates.

Perhaps she does this with out any idea of the imposition it places upon yourself if not others. It is one thing for your MIL to pamper her, that is her choice as a parent but you do not need to cosset her. You have said you often play the ' elder' so can you not find a way to speak with her?

When you are about to go shopping and she decided to join you, it would be very easy to remind her to bring her wallet. When planning a trip you could ask what she plans to buy, etc... Should she ' forget' money you can then just remind her that you specifically asked she remember her wallet. Take only what you need to pay for your purchases and explain that you do not have the cash necessary.

As you have said she is happy go lucky and that your relationship is fine aside from this one sticking point I think should any offence occur she will soon get over it. Just be sure to express that you care for her and want to see her happy however you feel it is important that she is more mindful of herself.
manisha replied. by the way she always forgets the monay or leaves the wallet when she comes along with me for shopping. Pakka opportunist...doen not leave a single opportunity. Do you think she is justified in expecting things from me. Should I pamper her too...like others do. manisha replied. Well mostly she pays for her shopping since I dont accompany her anyways. Husband does not interfere in these things. I could do as you have suggested but it doesn' t help much. She always goes on picking up things for herself rather than helping you with your shopping when she comes along. It irritates.
agreed probably getting her married will be the only solution...though I am already dreading her marriage shopping. I feel her attitude is to just take everyone around her (all elders) for as long a ride a possible. even my MIL-FIL also. Since they dote on her...I wonder whether there will be any limit. Its like she always seems to have a lot to spend on luxary, whereas I feel low as I cannot spend that much money and time only on luxary, (we run the house-food-phone bills-and save up -i have a baby) despite earning a lot more than her.
Sometimes I feel it is my own mental problem...I go on thinking about these things and build a negative space around me. She is always happy and carefree. what should I do. tanya replied. get her married as suggested in the prev. post. i think thats the best solution since shes done with school and now works. if she was still in school it wouldnt b posible and also if u start looking for a match, they (husband' s parents)might appreciate your concern for the SIL. look aggressively but quietly otherwise they might think that u want to get rid of her...you complaining abt her being a spendthrift wouldnt do any good. it is just a matter of time she will get married soon maybe in another city or country...atleast your inlaws r good. lady replied. Hi

Hmm.. this can be quite irritating.
Have you tried talking to your husband about this? When she buys her clothes and shoes, who pays for it? Herself or you and your husband?
Maybe once you can go shopping with her and don' t take alot of money.. just enough for what you need.. but don' t tell her this at this stage.. when she has chosen something and expects you to pay, gently tell her you do not have enough money for it.. infact you can do this everytime.. leave your credit cards at home too. Hopefully she will get the message.

Also try introducing her to guys so she can find someone and get married. Or at least keep her busy and out.