Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi,
As a tradition,girls have to leave their homes after marriage which make the parents of those girls very insecure and lonely in old age who have only girls. And the girls conventionally can not look after their parents without the help of their hubbies. Whereas boys can do any thing for their parents without any permission from their wives. This is a very pitiable situation.
MY SUGGESTION IS :
GOVERNMENT SHOULD MAKE A LAW THAT WHEN A BOY GETS MARRIED, HE TOO WOULD HAVE TO LEAVE THE HOME OF HIS PARENTS AND SETTLE AT A THIRD PLACE WHERE BOTH BOY AND GIRL WILL LIVE. THIS SHOULD NOT BE CIRCUMSTANTIAL OR OPTIONAL FOR THE BOY BUT SHOULD BE STRICTLY MANDATORY. LIKE EVERY GIRL IS TOLD AS SHE GROWS THAT ONE DAY SHE WILL LEAVE HOME …..THE BOY TOO SHOULD GROW ON SIMILAR LINES.
This will give girl' s parents an equal and legitimate status ....just like parents of a boy behave after marriage. The punch of the suggestion is that boys' parents should have the same insecurity that one day their son too wud leave home and it may help in reducing the ' SON SYNDROME' AND EMPOWER THE WOMEN.
Whats ur OPINION ?? shelly replied. I think you did not get the actual reason behind the discussion.. if boys parents have the right to live with their son then why not the girls parents. why does the society want to break the relationship of the girl and her parents and boast of great tradition by asking the girl parents to suffer and letting the boys parents enjoy all the privileges.
I am not against living with parents but there should be no discrimination between boys parents or girls parents. they should be treated equally. raj replied. i totally agree with u. but i guess it will take another generation for this to happen.

to give an example... my father never even spoke a word against his father and mother even though if i think from a 3rd manm, they literally screwed his career. but now my wife and mother demand things from each because both of them want to live their life. even if my mother does not like to be order i find she is irritated when something demanding is asked. but she has no choice since she is financially dependent on me.

i have a son and daughter. sometimes i feel i would not like to be ordered my m
son or daugther in law to do some after i am retired since i have worked hard for whole part of life and at retirement i do not want to be treated as a waste. infact i will opt to live alone or in something like a community home after i am week.

i guess this geenration people have to go thro this phase due to various factors like

1. money
2. no aid from govt.
3. social status ( still people take this concept negatively).
4. lack of proper security. it is still dangerous for old people to live alone not like usa where people care is very good.

raj replied. Hello ladies

Well i do really agree with u all that it is good to live a little seperate from parents after marriage. Infact i sincerly feel this.

But consider a situiation suppose the boys father is not there or boys mother is not there ... so is the case with girl... what they shall do..

kick them out to some old home or something.

i am not saying that parents living is crap idea but there a hell of possibilities life throws..

suggest me SR replied. I totally agree!!!

Boys should start looking for their own place immediately they get engaged or even sooner!!
After the age of 18, blokes move out in Western Countries... the parents encourage them to do so. They find it embarassing living with parents esp at the age of 30!! They want to be independent.. have their own investments etc etc..to start building their own future.
Not only does this create peace.. but also see it as an investment into a property. Instead of having one house (parents) .. you now have two. Of course you can visit parents regularly and vice versa. This way the DIL will look forward to having her inlaws over and entertaining them.

I am so glad my husband´ s agreed to move out. We move in June!!! Only 2 months away... but that too seems so long. He is already enjoying the independence he is going to get.. the responsibility.. and is aware that his will now be the man of the house. We are both very excited about the new place and look forward to decorating it and furnishing it to our OWN taste. He also mentioned once to me that he wishes he took this step sooner. Now he can do whatever he wishes..and when he wishes.. he had acknowledged the fact that he is not the decision maker at his parents house (which he always thought he was) and whatever he did there, credit would do to his parents and not him. There was hardly much identity for himself. Even though he owns part of his parents house, that is not recognised. It took me 1.5 years of convincing.. worked in the end!!! Hard work paid off. Intially he used to get very angry with me and fight with me when I asked him to move out. Am glad he saw things from my point of view.

I look forward to enjoying my space and freedom.
If there are any guys there who is considering this, then I suggest you go for it. Does not have to be a huge house.. am sure your wives will be happy to have her own place even if its a tiny studio apartment. happy to know replied. i totally agree with you.At least i found someone like that who has the same thought. See in abroad once a boy and girl gets married the parents of both sides themselves want their children to live separately from them.Not that they have to fight and separate, but its a mutual decision.LIKE THIS THEIR IS LESS TENSION IN THE HOUSE(I FEEL).

Actually in India women are illiterate.They always need support of a man.First father,then husband and then son.Thats going on since ages.Girls are always treated as outsiders in their own house as well as after marriage in in- laws house.Parents get insecure as they age which is natural i understand,but having a boy in our country is more of an EGO....because for girls we have to bend at marriage time even if she is better off than boys.Dowry is the main cause...thats y female fetuses are also aborted in our country because they feel its unnecessary burden....i Feel so hurt when i read such things.

Yes Govt should be strict vimpi replied. I agree on breaking the tradition of \" Parents must live with sons\" for the obvious reasons that this tradition is losing validity now. It is because of this tradition that Indians yearn for a son vs a daughter and all the problems associated with males feeling and being treated superior to females, females being taken for granted, MILS harassing DILS etc take place.
But my take on this is why should parents depend on their children boy or girl for their security? I am not saying parents cut off with kids when they are married or kids cut off with parents in old age but WHERE IS THE NEED TO LIVE WITH YOUR KIDS ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE FINANCIALLY CAPABLE OF LIVING BY YOURSELF?
Which is why I think retirement communities are an excellent idea. No one should be pushed into living in one but one should be open to the idea of living in one. One can live with security and dignity givng some purpose to the last years of ones life. I think the Government should encourage the growth of such communties by giving subsidied land and tax benefits etc. These sort of ideas cannot be enforced by laws people must grow to accept these ideas just like people once grew to accepting the idea of educating the girl child. A retirement community is very much the ancient Indian idea called vanaparstha we just chose to discard it all we need to do is revive it.
I also did not like the idea that you asked only parents of girls to respond why is this so? Whether boy or girl the rules should be same. Otherwise where is the fairness?