Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

My sister-in-law is the most rudest person I've ever met.

She has never liked me, even though she claims she does!

Her problem with me is a very simple one....she is a very jealous person. She is almost 32 and not married yet..she is not good looking at all...and ruins everything by talking in a very blunt and rude manner. She thinks she is better than everyone else and her arrogance and ego are her downfall.

She finds fault in everything I do...including being a wife, DIL and a mother...all of which roles she has no experience...she will say that she can do better than me when she is a wife and mother!(and epecially as a DIL)

she wants to have a good relationship with my child but she does not ever talk to me.
She wants to have a good relationship with my husband but he says that they have never had a good relationship even b4 we got married.

She not only is rude to me but also makes comments about my parents and brother. I will not tolerate this kind of behaviour...I have never told her that she is rude and that is why she carries on like this spoilt child.

I want to say something to her but don't know what to say.
My in-laws will never admit she is wrong and although my husband knows what she is like he has not ever told her to stop this behaviour.
I have told him to confront his younger sister...he has agreed when the time is right.

We'll see what happens...but in the mean time I don't talk to her on the phone....she did not even have the courtesy to say 'Congrats' on the phone when we told the family we were expecting another child.
The good thing is I am in the USA and she is abroad.

It is all about jealousy with her....what goes around comes around...the rule of Karma.

How do I behave towards her?
I want to be myself around her but her comments to other people in the family afterwards make me very scared to be myself...I feel like I'll be judged be her (although her comments should not control me) Just_Another_DIL replied. Dear Sonia,i can totally understand what you are saying and i can tell you why you feel intimidated also.
Prbaly when you met your SIL first she must be more comfortabel since she was around ehr parents in her home with her brother. She spoke her mind as and when she pleased coz she was totally at ease. But you being new must be uncomfortable and not very open to giving your opinion. So now she has made that impression on you that she can say thing as and when she wants. Her parents your hubby are used to her so that will not feel that she is wrong and infact wont even bother pointing it out.
So you have to speak up when you feel something said is rude. Say somthing like \";hey thats not nice\";
Also be happy and dont let he rhurt you. Honestly you dont have to please her at all. You dont need her approval. Just becasue she dislikes you does not mean that you are not a nice person. She is no Judge.
Be your special self and enjoy everything with your child. Dont give her the pleasure that she can hurt you and disturb you in anyway. Its a normal human tendency to hurt people all the more who get hurt easily.
Also many ppl will advice that you tolerate this and that but belive me it is not possible.
We are todays girls who have enjoyed freedom and independence all through our growing up. It is not possible for us to behave like our mothers who would tolerate lot of things and digest them too. Our generation has changed in lots of ways.
Anyway you take care and dont give her so much importance. You have better things to do.
My yahoo id is df77104. We can chat if you feel like.
You take care
Love. Just_Another_DIL replied. Well this is how i deal with my SIL. Hope it helps you too. SO here are the RULES :

When she says anything mean, i just try to her on the spot. That way i get it out of my system.

And on other scenes if she is ok i talk ok.

Dont go out of my way to be pally with her. I have done that before and it didnt pay off too well.

Dont tell your hubby about your SIL/MIL's behaviour. I just doesnt help. Infact talk with your frineds. They will give you a good outlet and sharing and talking with girl friends really helps. Its just an outlet.

Well take care. Let me know if you want to talk on the phone :). I live in the USA
Bye
Sary replied. Hi Sonia,
congratulations on the forthcoming happy event! I'm sure u must be very pleased. After having read your message I thought I must write in as I can relate. my SIL is older than my husbang but is not married either. She is extremly spoit too and behaves like a spoilt 2 year old. She too is very jealous that I got married, and have my own home and she doesn't. Although she is always nice to me in front of her brother she has behaved very rudely and coldly towards me when he is not around. I can imagine how you feel. We also live abroad so dond see her often. My husband knows how she has behaved but never did anything about it saying too we'll see when the time comes- but I dont expect anything to happen from past experience. My way of dealing with her is that I too never speak to her. We went for about 2 years with not speaking as she never calls us and when we speak to my in laws I dont even ask how she is. I dont knpw what u want to do but that is what I do- just ignore your SIL! you have your own life here, and if u ever need to meet for family occasions then just be formal and polite- no need to be extra warm or nice!I too belive what goes around comes around- so I leave it to that. you should too. never let it get to you. I've learned they are not worth it- but honestly speaking I used to mind it a lot and still do from time to time.take care, Sary