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Role of in-laws:Problem with SIL....

2004-03-15

Name: minu Hi,
My SIL(BIL's wife) is pregnant and is due next month.Both of us r in US.I have good relations with her but I do not feel comfortable at their place at all.Now my hubby wants me to go there and stay for 6-7days and help her out after the delivery although her mom is going to come over to help her out.I actually do not mind helping her out if she REALLY needs my help but I cannot just go and stay at their place as I feel very awkward.I mean my SIL is good to talk to and all but still I am not much of an extrovert and feel trapped in their house.Moreover my hubby won't stay with me for those 6-7days.I don't know what to do....I want to know your views abt weather my SIL will really need my help after the delivery?What should I do abt it?I also feel that if I would have had a job or studying then probably I would not have landed myself in this kinda situation.Please help me.

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2004-03-16

Name: nb2004
Subject:

Gosh

I know what you are saying. I hate going to my In laws place too. I feel exactly the same - Trapped.
I think you can suggest that now the MIL is there so you can go to meet her after the MIL leaves. Bcoz then she will be alone again.
From my expn...spending time with MIL SIL together is worse than with one at a time.

2004-03-17

Name: Minu
Subject:

agree with u...

Hi nb2004,
I agree MIL and SIL together might me a deadly combo but its my SIL's(thats my BIL's wife)mom who is coming over so thats ok.And my SIL is ok to handle if u don't indulge in an argument :)

2004-03-15

Name: Archie
Subject:

Minu it's not difficult

Hi Minu,
Your problem could be trivial if your co-sister (wife to BIL) lives in same place or commutable distance.

In this scenario you could go her house or hospital and take care of one of these two parts. If her mother decides to stay with you co-sister then you can help them work at home and at the end of day you can come back to your own home, even if you have to stay with her in hospital do all help at hospital while her mother takes care at home. In second case you would not suffocate in her house.

hope you find some way. YOur Co-sister would need some help but won't tell as her mother is coming.
Archie

2004-03-17

Name: Minu
Subject:

feeling better....

Hi Archie,
I am really feeling better after reading your reply.Although my insecurities regarding my cooking exist I know now that I would be helping them out and not serving them for pleasure.And yes I am going to talk to my hubby and tell him that I can stay for 3-4 days and try to help as much as possible.Hope things will work out.Thanks for taking the time to answer my queries.

2004-03-15

Name: Archie
Subject:

Discuss

Hi Minu,

First of all let me tell you that you need not to worry about your cooking skill, if that bothers. Not that everybody is perfect. I know many like you who say are not good are indeed better. More over you will be helping not serving for pleasure.

About you not being confident in driving is serious. You need to talk to your husband that without him the place seem very foreign to you. He need to be there when you stay in relatives home, almost impossible without him. I hope he will understand when you accompany this with your fear on driving and insecured cooking skills.
It will work out, help your Co-sister not only you but your husband also, may be just over the weekend instead 6-7 days.
Place youself in her shoes and think accordingly, your husband may have been thinking that way.

Good luck
Archie

2004-03-15

Name: Minu
Subject:

still confused....

Hi Archie,
Thanks for the reply.
No, Me and my co-sis do not stay within a commutable distance,infact she stays in a different city 3-4hrs from our place.And most probably her mom will be staying in the hospital most of the time (as during my co-sis's last delivery her mom spent most of her time in the hospital).And if my hubby will not be with me at their place, I will feel very awkward and tense.Moreover I am not a very good cook so I don't know how much of a help I would be in that dept.I don't know wheather they will like what I cook or not.Although I have a license to drive I am still not very confident abt driving alone and so driving her mom to and fro from the hospital is also not possible for me.Everything is a mess.I feel very tense and instead of confiding in my hubby and telling him my probs I yell at him.Sorry for bothering u again Archie,but can u please guide me?

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