Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi frds,

I am living in a joint family and facing the humilation and tana frm my in laws....

my hubby always takes my in laws side and i have accepted this as his nature...

next week my hubby and his mom are planning to go to SIL function leaving me at home.... my MIL always does like this.. she never takes my along and if i do the same (by chance) than there is lot of drama at home... after marriage we have never gone out for a movie without our MIL....

this tm i don't want him to go to attend the function bec SIL insulted me a lot during her recent visit at our place... (bithing and all)

shall i give 1 or 2 sleeping pills to my hubby so that he shd not wake up in the mor to catch the train... if yes than which one????? or any other medicine due to which he feels slightly unwell......

THIS TM I JUST DONT WANT TO GO HIM... this way my MIL shows her upper hand... its very depresing for me.... no use of discussing with hubby.....
PLZ HELP IF THERE IS ANY OTHER WAY OUT... saheli replied. I dont think u were behaving childish or its because of the ekta kapoor soaps, to think of giving pills to hubby. Ask all those DILs who are sufferring from \" saas-syndrome\" . There is so much frustration and helplessness ... lagta hai ke kuch toh karoon ...
so feel positive abt urself that u hv a heart to write out what u felt.

And, on a lighter note ...
after watching \" lagey raho munnabhai\" and being impressed with Gandhigiri ... next movie one should watch is Khosla-ka-Ghosla

;-)
saheli saheli replied. Gandhigiri !!

I have really liked this idea since the movie released, and i believe in it to a good extent. But i resist to suggest this to people because 1) not everybody believes in it 2)it is practically not too possible for people like us to implement (even I am in that category).

But if someone can do Gandhigiri, or can behave like a saint to resolve MIL-Hubby problems, i believe they will give the best results (best desired results ;-)!!

If you have decided to do this, i am impressed! Please go ahead. Let us know if it works.

Thanks for appreciating me.
saheli ruchika replied. hi,
i agree to saheli .nice advice .PP try gaining sympathy of ur husband start spending time with him talk very very good abut ur MIL (reason whenever ur mil try to say something bad about u ur husband will see the diff by himself.after all he has to spent his whole life with u:).
bye saheli replied. If your hubby sleeps so long, will ur mil go alone?

Anyways, though I respect your feelings and understand the frustration behind that made you think like that, but friend, please be positive and dont do anything like this. There are always better ways to resolve things, and if not, there are positives hiden behind things that appear to us as negative.

How can u be sure that the sleeping pill suits your hubby? what if he gets allergy/rashes/any reverse effect?

Instead for SIL visits, i wd say, let them go and you enjoy your time alone back at home. No cooking, no work, buy something tasty to eat and lie around watching TV or reading book or surfing the net. Go to a parlor or visit a friend or go to a shopping mall and just hang around.
Anyway you dont like your SIL and you say she has not behaved well with you. So going there is not going to b a fun trip. Why waste your time?

That for for visits to SIL. Now abt going out with hubby alone. You know, my hubby and me too never went alone for a movie or outing for many years after the marriage. MIL wd be with us always and all my complaints to hubby wd fall on deaf ears. He had his regular, hubby-like explanations for his mom accompanying us.

But then when i tried to understand what he was saying, i realised it as true. My FIL is no more and my MIL has lived a pampered life. She is fond of shopping, movies, outings, eating. However she is, the fact was that she was now restricted at our place - new city, she cant drive, no hubby to take her out, new people ... (we cant say that now she is old so she should devote time to God more than outings ... its not that easy .. she is also a human, and why shd she)? ... so does that mean the mother has to curb her desires ? Certainly not. Being a human i will never do that.
So gradually i accepted taking her out along with us.

But 'being a human with desires' applies to me as well. I talked to my hubby - told him that i understand why mummy shd join us and that she will join us always. But a couple of times i wd like to go alone with him, as i like to spend time alone with him. I told him i shall respect his feelings to wards his mom, so pls respect my feelings too. He understood, agreed.

How we solved the problem?
Still, most times, the whole family goes out. When i want to go out with hubby, we still ask mummy to join us but HUBBY tells her he wants to go for so-and-so new english movie (as we know mom wd not join us for english movie).

It works.

So crux of matter\"
Yes, it frustrates. But chill down and dont take steps without thinking. Take positive steps. If they dont work, let them go and enjoy ur time.

Hope this helps. Let us know what worked for u.

saheli
girl replied. Put on your sexiest lingerie when he wakes up so he'd rather stay at home than go with his mother.