Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

When things are too close to eyes, you cant see them clearly! This time I need your help friends.

The time when my MIL+4yr-kid want to have lunch (1:00 pm) clashes with my baby's lunch time (khichdi/daal). My MIL wants my maid to make rotis, but the maid is busy as takes care of the baby when i am in office, and feeds the baby with bowl and spoon around same time.

Problem is, it takes long for maid to feed the baby after which cleaning the baby, changing clothes etc happens and MIL is after the maid to cook rotis. Finally, the rotis are made when baby is crying for sleep after lunch (MIL managing her somehow), and elder kid and MIL both late for lunch.

What i hv tried so far
- changing baby's lunch time. But the maid is not smart enough to manage it and was unsuccessful
- getting another maid to make rotis (one who does Bartan, Jhadoo-pocha). MIL refused, says she is dirty. (Cant get a third maid now only for making 2-3 rotis.)

MIL tries to adjust at times. She makes rotis herself and even takes bread if need be, but thats rare.
Also She wants the maid to make the rotis (And i want a permanant solution).

MIL is a nice person \";otherwise\";, takes good care of elder kid but cannot manage a baby at all. Everything in the house is managed, controlled and decided by MIL. I cant ask her to make rotis herself. She refuses to eat pre-cooked rotis and doesnt let the kid hv them too.

MIL, kid cant have lunch early as the kid comes home from school at 1230.

My kid and MIL hv lunch around 2-3 pm which is v late. The maid has lunch even later, around 4 pm, which is too late for her (though i hv made arrangement for her bfast and snacks so that she doesnt go hungry). She is a nice girl and takes v good care of baby. I cant go home for lunch in the day.

Please advise me, how to get a permanant solution.
saheli A friend replied. Hi Saheli,

Sorry did not read what others have written to you I could be repeating what someone might have mentioned, but why dont u ask the maid to make the rotis before feeding the baby.

Take care. saheli replied. Yes, this is a mgmt problem!
My takeaways
1) Using Microwave. I wonder why did I not think of this before! If MIL disagrees to this (some people just dont want to agree to solutions) then I shall suggest next.
We are north-indians so Rice is cooked once a while and Roti is major.
2. Hiring a maid exclusively for Rotis seems a good idea. My MIL is against having anymore maids (we already have 3 for different purposes, divided work for redundancy). But after giving her 1-2 options like these i dont think she will go against all (she might complain abt frequent power outage here so Microwave might not work always). Either she has to agree to this, or find another solution herself!

Yes my MIL is a nice person .. or let me say .. she has changed a lot in this 5th year with us. Hubby and I have had a tough time earlier. But somethings happened that made her change. My mother's unexpected expiry, which my MIL has witnessed closely, her attachment with my elder kid has grown a lot in last few days so she is busy with her, and, in the battle of power, i have given everything in house to her .. all provisions, decisions, management .. all with her. So she is busy, and she is happy. Good for all!

Its also imp to mention that I too have changed myself, changed my outlook so that its more pro-MIL. We DILs are also not perfect people!

Thanks for your help Rajo and Xanthia.
saheli xanthia replied. Yours does't sound like a MIL DIL problem it sounds like a time management problem! These can always be solved one way or the other. Either follow what Rajo suggests or hire a maid for rotis! In India that is not a big deal I know my mom who lives alone has a maid(paid Rs 300) a month exclusively for making 2 rotis for her because my mom will not have the jhadu pocha lady make rotis for her.
For people like me who live abroad such solutions are not even feasible!
I remember when my MIL(who was of no help to me at all!) came to supposedly to help me for the delivery of my baby
angered my maid because mu MIL thought she could talk down to exactly the way people talk down to servants in India. Here maids do not have the servile, humble attitude that maids in India have. My maid refused to work the next day saying I will not come back unless you throw \" that woman\" out of the house!
I was forced to sack my maid because my MILs ego would be hurt otherwise and hire another maid who refuses to clean my MILs room or even speak a word to her but that is the way it is!
So you are luck your problem can be solved by just hiring another maid. Soon your baby will grow up and not need the kind of attention from the maid that he does now. So yours is really a temporary problem. Wish some of us were as lucky! rajo replied. 1)is your MIL very particular of eating only rotis in the afternoon,if not she could try some rice made in the cooker.
2)do you use nappies for your baby, if not you could use a nappy just before the baby's lunch and even if the nappy is dirtied it can wait for 10 minutes to be changed after your maid has finished making the rotis.
3) if you have a microwave at home then you can show your MIL how within 10 seconds a roti cooked earlier in the day can be turned warm and soft, as good as the one made just then.
hope this helps