Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

HI All,
iam a newly married girl and living with MIL's house. Actually i really wonder why these people are like this?
My MIL is one such nut.
see i don want to disgrade her but her actions make me to do like this.
It is a simple thing but i feel this makes more problems. we are veggies and don eat outside often. That day we happen to go out to visit one of my husband's uncle. It was not proper lunch time but still they forced us to eat there, so we had just a little and returned home. later we felt hungry, so my husband asked my MIL to serve her food, Since i was newly married i was a litle shy to ask, but then i managed to ask her that i also need to eat, but she didnt respond me at all. i really wonder how she can be like this?
what makes her angry on me?
she served food to my hubby alone and sat near him for long time and talked...
Even my hubby forgot me.. i felt so embarrased that day,
you know one thing my MIL is kind of person who never uses eatable for next meal, she will just like that throw them in dustbin.
That day i refused (indirectly without telling the reason) to eat there and only after going to my mom's home i had food. i cannot forget that day.
Even now when we sit to eat she takes care of her son rather than looking at me.
i wonder y MIL's r like this, i feel human's r same all over and their hunger is all the same na?
Y this discrimination?
She will put food in to dustbin rather than serving me..
nowadays i never ask her to give me something bcos i don want to get illtreat. Before wedding i was like a queen at my home (whenever i ask for something i will get) and now just for a day's meal i have to be iltreated. i had tears in my eyes when i told this to my mom and later my mom consoled me that all my hubby's earnings only go there so u don worry, u go take food and eat without shy.
then i follow this but some how i feel i have not been regarded by them even i also earn and give money to them often. i know money alone not makes all but i pay due respect to them but still y they are like this?
y they refuse to give the basic human respect to DIL's?
are we not humans?
Any suggestions to handle such situations without feeling shy??

ruchi replied. hey i know many of usare sailing in the same baot .PROBLEMwith MIL are they feel very very insecure abt their son's after marriage that bahu willsnatch thier son from herbut they forgets saas bhi kabhi bahu thi.

any ways show as much as love u can show to ur husband gain sympathy so that he shud think first of u then anybody else change the prioritylist u now come first .

and try talking and getting adjusted with everybody show respect as much as u can to elders and love to youngers sabki aakhon katara bano yaar chahey man karey ya na karey . and try talking to ur husband everything in very ver7y lovable manner so that he even dont think for one glance u trying to tell him something just a disscussion.

bye hh replied. Hi pooja,

xanitha is very correct that this is typical MIL 's behaviour.....
even i have also faced a similar situation... where MIL was only serving to her son... and most importantly everytm asking her son only to what he wants to eat in dinner or want to carry next mor for off...
and moreover she aws asking in a manner as if she was going to cook for him nooooooo.... she than tells me to cook... as if i m a maid na....
what abt our choice and taste....????

than i have taken these steps that time
1) if ur hubby is having food alone (like he did in ur case forgot to ask to to eat).... tell him when u are alone in very polite and loveable manner that see i m new here na... i feel very hesited in asking anything frm ur mom so if u cd ask me before eating anythng so it will help me to adjut here na..... if he repeats same mistake of not asking u... don't mind ... and don't eat anything that tm.... but than later do tell him see u forgot to ask me and i hvn't had anythng :(... gain sympathy......

you hve to prepare ur hubby to tell his mom to bring for u too ....

2. and i feel u will also face this prob in future that ur mom will serve the food to ur hubby only not to you on dinning table..... don't mind...

u take initiative..... keep an eye on his pale.... offer chapati immediately if it is abt to finish... and simialtenausly ask frm ur FIL, MIL and everyone there.... ur MIL will get jealous.... do this for some days....

these MIL feels little insecure thats why shows more pyar -dular to his son..
you also show how caring wife u are...

U are earing and giving money at home... so why and what for u are crying and wasting ur tears on these Monster In Law's

by the way i m now seperated with my MIL (reason : i m also working and was not giving a single penny to my MIL hahaha....) thank fully... so all these drams have stoped...

chalo bye

don't cry ok
xanthia replied. What you describe is what a million DILS experience everyday and continue to experience even after 15 yrs of marriage!
I will tell you how my SIL(My BIL's wife) deals with it, though I myself do not follow her method being a proud person!
When we visit our MIL in India she makes it clear to the DILS that she has only cooked small quantities of her sons' favorite sabzis and these are mainly for her sons' to eat and her DILS must only eat a piece or two for taste and leave the major quantity for herself, FIL and her sons. She tells us so explicitly and once when I reached out for a second helping(which was exactly one piece of the sabzi) she grabbed my hand and said there was only enough for her son so I should watch out for my husband incase he wanted more! I was so embarrassed that I refuse to touch any subzi in her house ever! My SIL deals with it differently. She purposely helps herself to large helpings right under MILS nose inspite of MILS warnings. Sometimes she even takes helpings out of her husband's plate just to make MIL understand that she is going to do exactly what she wants and MIL must realize that she is being petty and mean! My SIL even advises me to do the same but I am just too proud. Though I have to tell you my SILs method works better because my MIL is forced to gape open mouthed when her own son lets his wife take helpings out if his plate!(by the way it is not as if any of us are crazy about her subzis!)
So thats an idea for you!
I have also wondered why MILS treat DILS in this way especially when it comes to food. They go around telling everyone \" bahu meri beti jaisi hai\" but again I have heard her say so many times about her bahus \" after all they are not of the same blood as us, they are outsiders brought up by different parents with different values, how can they be like us?\"
Sometimes I feel like it is resentment on the part of inlaws. MIL feels like why should I feed this outsider called DIL and watch her grow to take control over my very own domain. Believe me if MILS could have some way whereby they could have their sons produce an heir to the family heritage without marriage they would never get their sons married! But society forces them to get their sons married and now we have this model where MILS know they cannot do without a DIL! But can a DIL do without a MIL? Now that is a question that needs to be answered!