Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

hi all,
i'm really having a tough time making the decision of my life.hope u'll all help me find a solution.
i'm a south indian girl.i'm in luv wid my 1st cousin.marriages between cousins are permitted in our custom.he also loves me.both of us know we love each other from childhood,but none of us have expressed our feelings for each other.now,since my parents have started to look a groom for me,i'm getting worried.though i love my cousin,i'm keeping it to myself.this is because i've heard that the marriage between cousins are scientifically not good as it may affect the child born.i've heard that the children born to blood relatives r mentally or physically handicap.i dont want to be careless & selfish to cause harm to an innocent baby just because of my desires.my cousin loves me too,but hasnt told me anything directly.i can see that in his actions though.......so can u all plz suggest what shld i do? is it really harmful to marry him? shld i go ahead & propose to him or just supress my feelings & marry whomever my parents suggest? i'm desperately waiting for ur responses.thank u all in advance Tony S replied. Dear Preeti,
U say that u have not expressed your love for each other. On what basis do u love him ? Is it just physical attraction . Proaobaly this might be the case as u do not seem to have interacted with any other guys - who r your classmates or neighbours. DO u know his likes and dislikes - what he likes to eat, which music he prefers, what is his idea of a holiday, what does he want to achieve in life - professionally ? Preeti all these factors go a long way in a person taking a liking to someone else. Have u considered all these factors a;lso ? Or is it that u converse with him for hours together and u feel safe and v v comfy in his company ? Please have a thourough thinking on all this and then analyse as your feelings of 'love'. Love has no definition of itself - it is defined by many things like a combination of physical attraction, similar likes & dislikes, mutual trust & respect, affection, and personality traits.
Also yes if u marry your first cousin, there are chances of defective genes, esp. for the 2nd child. I have no idea about the medical info but I have seen amny examples in our family and friends who have married their first cousin or uncle (mama) and have had defective kids. So take this factor into account also. Marriage is a loving give and take arrangement between 2 individuals so that they r mutually happy. All the best for your thinking.