Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I have a rather different question- I am out of mind with trying to sort things out etc but it seems impossible. I really hope that some one can offer some advice.

My problem is that my husband, who has his good moments is also very jealous. I had a love marriage and my mother did not approve of him at first. My family then came to accept my marriage and they are find with my husband now. However my mother is also quite possessive of me. She is very nice in the sense that she goes out of her way to do things for me and also my husband. But on the other hand she loves telling us what to do. We live in separate from either of our families but my mother insists on ringing me every evening even if I have spoken to her during the day from work. I work all day and in the evening my husband and I have food , watch tv etc and spend time together. She always rihgs at that time and talks for a long time. If I say I am busy she says sadly, oh ok go then etc. She also expects us to visit every weekend- which is not always possible as I do cleaning/shopping on Saturday and then we try and go out on Sundays.
The major problem is that my husband does not like her. He says he finds her irritating and interfering. But I know that she does not say it in a bad way all the time. But I know she can be quite difficult. My mother and my husband are quite similar.
I am tired of all the yelling and screaming and abuse directed by him to my family-I want to know what is normal- as in how often should I meet her, or we go over.
I am also concerned of the future- when we have kids- she will want to buy them everything and my husband hates that.
Please help. Cannot ask his mother as she doesn't like me very nmuch and they live back in India.
A replied. Dear Sary,
I can understand very well the situation you are in. As NB has suggested, talk with your hubby. Let him know that even you want a way out from this situation. Explain to your mother that her behavior his making your life miserable. You can give some special time for her. May be you can go out for shopping or something with her once in a while. Tell her that it is not possible for you to visit her every week-end. I know, you can not stop this instantly. You have to take gradual steps. Talk with your father or someone who is very close to her. Believe me communication is the only solution.
At the sametime, convince your hubby that you are trying to solve this problem, but you will need his co-operation. Sometimes, when your mother calls up, make him talk to her.
Love,
A. nb2004 replied. Dear Sary,
You should tell your mom that you are a grownup now and taht you have a separate life. Your mother hasnt yet accepted that you have gone away form her now.
Its natural for your husband to get irritated. Think abt it if your MIL would do the same things you would have been so mad at her.
Dont feel gulty of making plans with your husband, After all this is the time to enjoy coz when you have kids...you wont be able to.

Talk to your husband and infact ask him what should i do without hurting her...Tell your hubby that he is the most imp person for you and you understand that you relation together is the most imp and you need a way to deal with this.
Listen to him what he has to say. Am sure since your is a love marriage he wont want to hurt you also.
Also think from his perspective..how can he like someone who did not approve of him
Am saying all this coz i am on the other side. My MIL neevr approved of me and then would call my hubby and talk laugh with him. It would drive me crazy.

You have to put your faith in someone and trust them completely. Either your hubby or your mother.
I would suggest you tell your hubby how you feel.
Sary replied. Hello, its me again-was hoping somone could give me some advice on how to deal with this matter.

would really appreciate comments,thanks