Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi All,

I am planning to go to India this december after 2 years. I have started buying gifts for my trip. But i have a small problem. EVerytime i buy something for my mom i have to buy something for my mil i am fine with that. My mil was here recently with us and just left here 2months back. The problem is certain things i already got my mil when she was here so i want to buy it for my mom alone but i land up buying for my mil also cause i think my hubby will feel i am neglecting his mom(he is a mamma's boy and keeps fighting for silly things when it comes to his parents first i used to get upset but now i just ignore him). At times i dont want to do this. This makes me unhappy why cant i buy freely for my mom alone(I am a working woman).This is irritating me also at times. Cant i have a life of my own. At times i land up buying more for my mil than my mom which doesnt make me happy. But one thing what ever i do his parents are finally going to complain so i am fed up doing for them.

What should i do? Any help appreciated.

Thanks,

Nishi Nishi replied. Hi all,

I got really good ideas will do as follows and keep u guys posted. Feel really good after seeing ur replies.

Thanks,

Nishi Maggie replied. Hi

I used to face the same thing as you and I did the same thing as diya in fact I just did not take the bag to my mil's place and straightaway took one bag at my mom's place, although I bought the same for my mil and my mom. Mil did not tell me anything but I am sure she told my hubby. I feel the same as you but you know what the bottom line is I want to buy everything for my mom and I don't care if I have to buy it for my mil too. There are a few different things I buy for both of them and that is my choice. I tell my husband that if they happen to go to a function where they bump into each other they should not be for eg. Carrying the same bags. So you aim should be to get all you want for your mom. don't worry about your mil. In fact show your hubby that see I buy same for both of them but keep in mind what your mom wants and buy similar things. I am a working woman too but sometimes try to give in or ignore. What I am going to do this time is carry some cash and take my mom shopping and buy things for her in India. We get everything in India and the same quality too. Try to explain this to your mom. I'm sure she will understand.

Cheer up dear and happy shopping!
diya replied. I guess the things ou said happened with me too. My MIL stayed with me for couple of months and incidently i to happened to go to India in following 5 months.I usually goa month early and my hubby joins me later.They have a unwritten rule that i visit them first (even if Hubby is not accompanying me)and then go to my mom's place. previously they used to tell me when to go, later i started buying e-tickets from here so that they can't tell me when to go.
As for the purchase i do make purchases, but buy things which they like. what i buy for my mom i pack it in a separate bag which i never open for my in-laws to see.they don't need to know .right?
I just show and give them what i purchased for them. you can try this.Once they asked what i had in the bag i had packed my moms's stuff. i said clothes that i will wear at my mom's place, so that i need not pack again.How's it? Anu replied. Nishi,
You said you are a working woman, so making your own money, you have every right to buy whatever you want (within limits ofcourse) for your mom. You should not and need not buy same for your mil. It is possible your mom likes certain things that your MIL does not. And also why does your husband need to know every little detail of waht you are buying. You have to make sure this with your husband tell him that his mom was in US recently and got a chance to shop your mom did not. And ak him why in the world it has to be same things..buy some items for mom and some for MIL. It does not need to be tit for tat.
Stand up and tell him. Be assertive and help in stoping this crazy notion of buying same stuff for each to make them feel that they are same in your eyes.
Anu