Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hey Guyz,
I just need your opinion on the things that I did during my vacation back in India.I know that what already done cannot be undone but still would love to hear from everyone in this board.I don't know if anyone remembers me ..i wrote long back abt tackling issues with inlaws right in front of hubby..guess what..I did that to my own surprise!!
I stayed for abt 3 months in India.1 & 1/2 months at my inlaws. My hubby came there for 15 days. So I was left all alone with the clowns in the jungle for about 20 days b4 he came. That lady (MIL) is a kind of person u cannot predict.I have 2 kids. The first one is 5 yrs old & the 2nd one is a 1 yr old.She would raise her voice even when my 2nd baby cried.She kept saying that I dont take care of my baby & she keeps falling.My baby just started walking & I would always keep an eye on her. Sometimes my baby would hold some things & when i snacthed it from her hand,she would scream.That lady would come running to see what happened & would yell at me saying that i am not taking care of her.She didn't bother to ask me how i was when i was pergnant & now she says that she loves her grand children.
So to cut the long story short(before my hubby came,)my life was a living hell.Then one fine day, he came.She kept hugging him & kept holding his hands all the time we were there. She kept asking him to sleep in her room since the kids would disturb but i didn't leave him..She kept saying that her maternal family is great & her kids r great & that she has seen a lot of kids etc etc(believe it or not..these were her exact words).I was very patient & took all those comment smilingly.
We had to go to a marriage party from Bangalore to Mangalore.We hired a car & this lady invited her 2 daughters & they came with their family.I didn't mind a bit since sat back with my sil's kids whom I love dearly. The whole time that we were there , my hubby didn't care to carry our baby.She sat on me the whole journey whick took for abt 8 hours. We passed my uncle's house, my aunt's house which was right on the way & she didn't want to visit anyone..OK Fine..I didn't say anything but was boiling inside seeing their talks abt their family greatness & their love & understanding with each other by holding hands etc etc . Anyways ,i had a blast behind with just kids singing & all that.My baby also didn't trouble me till we reached Mangalore.When we finally reached there, we had jsut abt 10 mins to get ready to go to the choultry hall. There was no power in the guest house that we had booked, it was raining heavily & my baby started crying since was hungry.My MIL had kept the food items that i was supposed to feed her during the night.When I asked her 2 - 3 times abt that ,she didn't respond since she was busy with her family talks.She always does this..she pretends that she didn't hear. OK fine...leave it. I didn't say anything.I asked my hubby to ask her & somehow i got hold of the gerber can.I fed her..gave her bath...changed her with absolutely no help from my hubby..By then,they were all ready to leave & I was the only one left.My hubby didn't help me by holding the baby even when i was changing...OK fine..kept quiet..=My MIL came ruuning to my room to see what had happened to her grandchild(IF she had fallen)when she was crying & i explained her politely that she isn't used to powercuts & candles in USA.Then she kept on giving examples of kids whose brain stopped working due to childhood injuries.. Now, I didn't have time to change my ear rings..I wore only on one ear & thought i will wear the other one on the way.It was just 2 mins from the guest house to the choultry.My sil made a stop to buy something(my gr8 hubby also got down to help her) & I thought its the right time to wear another one & so i left the crying baby alone & asked my 1st kid & the other kids to keep her entertained for like 60 seconds. She started yelling at me for not taking care of her grandchild & started yelling at me for sitting next to the kids & started blaming me for sitting on tthe back side & started saying that the baby is crying just because i sat behind. I lost my temper too & raised my voice saying she was quiet all the way from bang to mangalore & that nothings gonna happen if the baby cries for 2 mins. She started fuming & I didn't care & neither did I listen (to sit with her gr8 family.I told her that i was comfortable behind since i had to breastfeed the baby..This is the first mistake that i did according to her.
the next day,when no one was around(hubby was out to search for his mama i.e., mil's brother since we both were going to the same destination) she started giving lectures that if a single family goes in a car, u can do whatever u want & if 3 or 4 familes go together, 4 or 8 heads r involved & u shd learn to adjust.Clearly,she said this to me.I was abt to ask her regarding this then & there ..some relatives came & i had to talk to them & i just left it there..she keeps saying things indirectly to me all the time.
when we went back home...I gathered all my courage & confronted her in front of my hubby.I just asked her politely if I hadn't adjusted during the journey & y she is always pointing the finger at me indirectly.
She started banging her head & asked me if I was a gr8 person & asked my hubby to scold me.She even asked what I would do if she hugged,scolded or hit her son with a stick.I was literally speechless to see this drama.She started pulling out the stories when she was in America(I didn't speak to my hubby for 3 days once since i was under the impression that he disclosed my cousin's story to her which she actually had overheard during my phone conversation with my mom).I also told her that i would never forget the things she has done to me. This is all that i said.She bashed me for taking my dad's mobile to her place(she couldn't overhear our conversation..that's y she was pissed off).She wouldn't let her son even to touch that & he like a shravana kumara wouldn't touch it..
Well,I have lots more to tell but i'll leave it at this...All my family members said that i shd have kept quiet even if i was right but I don't think that we shd always keep quiet..Why shd we be always at the recieving end?
forgive my grammatical mistakes if any since i wrote it at a stretch ...feeling much lighter

Comments welcome di bh replied. Rashmi you are a smart woman. You have taken as long as it was possible .Do not take it anymore.you have 2 kids too.Even i was also in same position last year but the more i started keeping quiet the more trash my in laws spoke. I dont live with them .I am in US.all these trashings in phone or e-mail and one trip to India . of course i was alone.but this year situation changed where i couldnt take it anymore. so igave all of them .FIL/SIL .MIL doesnt talk much. But its compensated by my SIL.one thing i have learnt is the more u bend the more they make you bend .They will never say oh my dil did so much for me.NEVER.So take control and vent out.give them back and take your husband in your confidence. One thing helped me in doing this was my husband wud neither support me nor oppose me when i gave them. so it was win win situation.
Do not let anybody make you feel bad.They are not worth loosing your peace of mind over.once you start taking a stand everybody will back off. sherry replied. tell this crap MIL of yours to shut her bloody trap.what a rascal she is .just ignore her thats the best remedy for such bullshit people ragini replied. Dont take any trash from anyone
Never expect ure husb. to take ure side
2 solns
1. turn a deaf ear or
2. Learn to confront & save ure self respect .just have a minimal polite conversation with ure MIL.She 'll understand well u have started ignoring her