Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi Teena,

I read you posting and have a few suggestions for you. My husband is somewhat like yours. He says his family is more important than me. His parents and brother are everything. He is crazy about his mom (which Indian son is not?) I came here 2 years back and started working a year back. We save all my salary and some of his too. He thinks I am a spendthrift and he does not allow me to spend a lot like wandering money. He keeps a check on how much I withdraw from the bank and at what intervals. In the beginning, my company used to deposit my salary into our joint account where he was primary and I was secondary holder. I somehow convinced him that I need to open a new account where we can save all our money. When he agreed, I opened a new account where I am the primary holder and he is the secondary holder. (to tell you the truth, you have all rights to withdraw money even if you are a secondary holder). While opening my account, nobody asked me for any credit history. They just need SSN # and address proof!

Next, I told him I needed pocket money. He was upset saying why do I need money etc.? He is fulfilling all my needs. I told him all my friends gets it why can't I? He was worried that I would spend it. So I told him that I will save all my pocket money and buy gold (for our future only) He was pleased. I went to India last year and bought gold. What I am trying to say is no matter what, I have built my own saving. The locker keys are with me always. Teena have some security for yourself. Also if you get a bonus check, cash it instead of depositing it.

Start withdrawing some money every month (somehow) and keep it with you. I do so every week. $20 a week. I still do not have the guts to have my own account fearing if he finds out'he will loose all trust he has built. So I keep cash in my locker in office.

Next time he hits you, threaten to call 911. and about calling your parents, buy calling cards separately and call them from office. In that way everybody is happy. Call them once in 10 days in front of him but call them regularly behind his back. If he objects, then try to convince him.

Be you best with him. Don't say anything against your in laws. My hubby does not like my parents and I don't like his. But we never say anything against each other's folks. You have to make it clear that you do not like anybody saying anything against your parents. (period)

Hope all this helps.
teena replied. Hi Help,

Thanks for the advice nice to know that i am not alone. Gives me strength. Will surely follow ur advice.