Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I am a son and a husband too. My mother has not treated my wife properly and after
an incidence my wife told me that she does not want to deal with her
anymore. I totally understand why. I was also upset and did not have proper conversation with my mother for about 6 months
after the incident but as she is my mother I did forgive her.
I told her that she should try to mend fences with my wife by
either appology or something but I feel my mother is not \";truly\"; interested in
doing it.
I can forgive my mother for what she has done, but it is more difficult
for my wife to forgive her. I feel that I should continue to maintain a
basic connection with my mom and not expect my wife to deal with her MIL.
My wife is unable to stand this and feels that I am disrespecting her(wife).
Should I abanodon my mother as my wife cant stand her anymore.
Any advices!!! kriti replied. hi,
i agree with abc, u should not forgive ur mother but at the same time u can do one thing.this trick generally works, u can tell ur mother or make her feel that her DIL cares for her a lot and make ur wife feel the same about ur mother.but u have to do it smartly as both of them shouldnt feel that u r taking others side.
and its true that after marriage ur wife should be ur first priority which doesnt happen in india so dil have to suffer and then they take the revenge when they become mil, so its better to stop this dirty cycle.
kriti abc replied. Obviously you know ur mom has gone wrong. Yet most mothers(when they become MILs) think no end to themselves.
Even if she says sorry to ur wife thats meaningless bcos she has done the act 'purposely' to act lke a mother-in-law. Your wife is justified in not maintaining ANY relation with her. But as a son you can talk to ur mom. Remember how you wud feel to be in ur wife's seat if ur MIL insults you. Wud you like if ur wife just starts talking with her mom as tho nothing happened. You wud definitely feel cheated or dis-respected. I am a wife and DIL and have cut all talks with my ILs(both MIL and FIL) bcos MIL has acted a lot smart in our married life. She thinks that by educating her son her son a favor on me (the wife). I dont think so that was her DUTY just as my parents have done theirs and there's exceptional as ALL parents (including me) have to do for our children. I hope you get the point. Keep ur mother at bay and do not even think of getting her in ur house till your wife atleast can tolerate her face. ***** replied. Do whatever you have felt is right. Which is maintain your basic connection with your mom and ask your wife not to deal with your mom. For some time dont speak anything about your mom to your wife and also dont speak anything about your wife to your mom. Dont ask anybody, neither your mom nor your wife to apologize or forgive. Though you might be having a burning desire to see both of them adjust just pretend as if you are not bothered by whatever stubbornness they show. It takes time to heal or forget about the wound. So be patient and wait for your wife and mom to outgrow the bitterness they have in them.

Getting Along replied. XYZ -

I have recently been involved in a similiar situation. Not my own , but a family friends of my husband's. The wife and mother -in-law did not get along to a point that when the MIL cam to visit from India, she left after only 5 days. She went to stay with her daughter who also has problems with the wife.

I my self have had disagreements with my MIL, and she has said many things to me that I think some women would not fogive. But I had to. I did not want to create an environment where my husband had to choose between his mother and his wife. A husband should put his wife first once he egts married, but he should not forget his own mother in the process.
I understand how your wife must feel escpecially if your mother did something truly wrong. My advice is to support your wife, adn tell her you also agree that your mother was wrong, but she is still your mother and for your sake ask your wife to try and get along. Tell your mother the same. Explain to her she did soemthing worng, and let her know she cannot do that again if she wants to keep a good relationship with you. It is sad that their disagreemtns have put you in the middle, but in the long term both most adjust. It will harder for your mother because she is old and set in her ways, so try make your wife undertsnad more.I hope this helps. Getting Along replied. XYZ -

I have recently been involved in a similiar situation. Not my own , but a family friends of my husband's. The wife and mother -in-law did not get along to a point that when the MIL cam to visit from India, she left after only 5 days. She went to stay with her daughter who also has problems with the wife.

I my self have had disagreements with my MIL, and she has said many things to me that I think some women would not fogive. But I had to. I did not want to create an environment where my husband had to choose between his mother and his wife. A husband should put his wife first once he egts married, but he should not forget his own mother in the process.
I understand how your wife must feel escpecially if your mother did something truly wrong. My advice is to support your wife, adn tell her you also agree that your mother was wrong, but she is still your mother and for your sake ask your wife to try and get along. Tell your mother the same. Explain to her she did soemthing worng, and let her know she cannot do that again if she wants to keep a good relationship with you. It is sad that their disagreemtns have put you in the middle, but in the long term both most adjust. It will harder for your mother because she is old and set in her ways, so try make your wife undertsnad more.I hope this helps. Getting Along replied. XYZ -

I have recently been involved in a similiar situation. Not my own , but a family friends of my husband's. The wife and mother -in-law did not get along to a point that when the MIL cam to visit from India, she left after only 5 days. She went to stay with her daughter who also has problems with the wife.

I my self have had disagreements with my MIL, and she has said many things to me that I think some women would not fogive. But I had to. I did not want to create an environment where my husband had to choose between his mother and his wife. A husband should put his wife first once he egts married, but he should not forget his own mother in the process.
I understand how your wife must feel escpecially if your mother did something truly wrong. My advice is to support your wife, adn tell her you also agree that your mother was wrong, but she is still your mother and for your sake ask your wife to try and get along. Tell your mother the same. Explain to her she did soemthing worng, and let her know she cannot do that again if she wants to keep a good relationship with you. It is sad that their disagreemtns have put you in the middle, but in the long term both most adjust. It will harder for your mother because she is old and set in her ways, so try make your wife undertsnad more.I hope this helps.