Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

In this forum, some people give wonderful advise, like respect, love and care for ur in-laws, which even if we try to do it the reaction from the in-laws is the same, I feel i am wasting my life thinking about how to cool them down, how to bring harmony in the family, no matter what u do it seems that they just want to make your life miserable. I have missed so many things in my life after i got married, i really have time only to worry about how to avoid conflict with the in-laws.

Now i have made a point just don't bother care about myself first. A passing guest in the world like you replied. Have faith. You can get through this God-willingly. You may not be able to change them, but you can change how you feel towards them and your life can get better from that. If you change your thoughts you can change your world God-willingly.

I am not saying accept them. I am not saying try to like them. What they are doing is WRONG. They're actions against you are WRONG. All the pain and injustice they cause you is WRONG. I am not saying accept it, but learn to TOLERATE IT.

Try to be strong. Find other things that will make you happy. Get a job. Pray to your Creator to help you get through this. God will never burden a person beyond their scope regardless of how unbearable it may seem, it is bearable. You have got it in you to bear it. Yes, I know it hurts like hell but instead of making yourself hurt even more, and so vunerable to your inlaws, detach yourself from THEM in your mind and heart, and don't rely on them or expect any source of comfort from THEM.

You are you, the same girl before you married but your life is in a different condition now. You are being tested greatly, and your feelings and heart have been hurt when you all you did was HOPE and try to be Good. Don't put urself down, don't be hurt anymore by your inlaws. They are NOT worth it. No one who puts you through what you are describing is worth it.

You gotta redirect your focus on something else that is positive on your life. You need to stop thinking about them and worrying about them. Get them out of your mind. Do something positive with you life. The world does not revolve around them and your happiness certainly does not either.

And most important of all, know that God, your Creator who created you from a drop of semen, has not left you all alone in this world. You are not left neglected and your feelings and actions Do MATTER. So instead of letting all this pain and misery your inlaws have caused you (and keep causing) make your heart frow hard, turn to God. Turn to God and pray for help, for sustenance, and for forgivness. You have GOT to do this.

And remember, that at the end, when your parents in laws souls reach their throats and the angels by the grace of God ask them to deliver their souls, their time will be up, and everything mean and heartless they did to you and anyone else will be JUDGED and they will be PAYED back their dues for everything they ever did in life.

They may make it seem like time drags so long and the pain they keep causing you seem so endless, but it's not. Though your inlaws may act as they will be live forever, they in fact won't. They are here only for a time appointed, and so are you. So learn to tolerate them, and tolerate the hurt they are causing you, and put all your dependence, and fear, and hope in the one God who created you from a drop of semen, and made you the beautiful, wonderful woman you are today.

God did say, \";Be sure we shall test YOU
With something of fear And hunger, some loss In goods or lives or the fruits (Of your hard work), but give Glad tidings to those Who patiently persevere-- Who say, when afflicted With calamity: \";To Allah (God) we (all) belong, and to Him Is our return\";-- They are those on whom (Descend) blessings from their Lord, and Mercy, And they are the ones That receive guidance.\";
-Koran 2:155-157

Read the Koran. It will enligten you God-willingly and make the problems with your inlaws seem small. Your inlaws are just passing guests in this world, and so are you. Make the best out of your life, your youth, and don't waste one second worrying or hurting anymore over your inlaws. Think in your mind, and in your heart, and say to yourself, \";They (inlaws) are not meant for me, so I must set them FREE.\";


I will pray for you. Take care of your special self and put all of your dependence, and fear, and hope on your Lord. Things will get better for you God-willingly. And God-willingly, it will be okay.

:)

Think in your heart vs replied. From your letter I couldn't get how long you have been married.If you are newly married, I can just say it takes time for any relationship to adjust so please be patient.If married for a few years,you and your husband should have a talk with your inlaws about how the friction is affecting you.Maybe they also have some problems with you.If you believe in Feng-Shui,consult an expert and get the elders & relationship corner of your house checked. anon replied. Believe nothing just because a so-called wise person said it. Believe nothing just because a belief is generally held. Believe nothing just because it is said in ancient books. Believe nothing just because it is said to be of divine origin. Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true.
- The Buddha

Never take the advice of someone who has not had your kind of trouble.
Sidney J. Harris

The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.
Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772 - 1834)