Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

hi manimaran,I read ur reply to sonia.
Thanks for letting ur man-thoughts out.

It's ok if man dont talk when things r not fine...but i have some questions..PLZ answer!!

do u know when ...if ur mom is at fault when things not good and while ur wife is at weaker side ? Or just find faults only with wife?
do u love ur wife to the extent u love ur mom?
then y do u show bias to mom?

Ok, if men dont talk, then just shd avoid complaints frm mom too and dont even respond to mom too . But my hubby is like..he welcome any kind of complaint form his mother and ask me to correct myself according to her.
But if I find any wrong with them, he simply denies me and.(god, i'm not asking him to his mom as he is doing with me now,) ,But what i want is...just his acceptance that everyone is wrong someimes. but he doesnt accept.

I never ever been harsh to anyone in his home.but his mom was harsh to me at times.and where as I everytime do good and be good, shop for them and never complain.
Tehn y he shows his mom bias? Tell me y cant he find my real virtues and listen to his moms complaints and taunt me and my parents to correct us??? tell me what type of attitude he has and can u see any reason in his behaviour...

All of us make some assumptions over men's behaviour but i need truth in his behaviour? Pl help me analysing 'him' ,if u can.
Thanks again! manimaran replied. Hi Dinu, Thanks for reading my opinon. First u people should understand onething that this is happening bcos of our culture. Means all the parents expecting there chindrens to listen and obey their words from childwood onwards if it happens then the parents started showing more affection towards childrens. this continues after the marriage also. Means after the marriage the mother is thinking that the DIL's may drag her son towards her. Then the other reason to keep there image in the soceity they r looking for high dowry and other respects from the DIL's parents. If anything goes wrong in this then the problem araises. This is causing bcos of the relatives also. Even the MIL's keep quiet also this relatives will start tickling those issues. Im married and just 4 yrs old. I live in dubai. I used to send all the money to my parents name. I didnt have any money on my account. I lost my first baby bcos of prmature. Then when we where in india my wife consived means she want to go to clinic to confirm it. I dont have any money so i asked my mother 2500 rupees only to goto clinic. But my mother started shouting my wife in front of me that this is ur parents have to do like this and that. But after that she gave the money. But while travelling on the train my wife started crying. I started consoling her. Till now im suffering bcos of this whenever any problem between my wife and me then she use to tell all the stories what my mother did. I know my mother was wrong. I was so upset after seeing my mothers reaction. But i didnt ask her anything. U can thing why i did like that a lot of reason is there. First from my chilwood onwards my mother took care of everything bcos my father didnt give enough money to run the family. so my mother suffered a lot to bring myself and my sister a lot. By asking questions we are going to gain anything but this will hurt her a lot. What i told to my wife at that time is see i know my mother was wrong but she will realise that before that i dont want to point it out and make a big gap between u and my mother. See they r old let them realise on there own this is my policy. And it worked it. Now my mother and my wife's relation is good. I dont know im right or wrong onething they are old let them live happily till their end. Plz dont get angry if im wrong. Try to understand them and try to live happily. If u feel that they r wrong make them to realise in such a way that they wront get angry on u. My best wishes to u. Bye. Tony S replied. Dear dinu,
The reason for a man's wierd behaviour is that he loves his mother unconditionally and feels indebted towards her, whereas he cannot love his wife like that. He sees only her weaknesses and acts strange. That is his own weakness , unfortunately he does not have info. about that. So dear, the best way is to stop expecting anything from him, of course if u feel injustice is being meted out to u of an extremem nature then speak your mind out, loud enough so that everyone knows the truth. All the best. I have 2 SILs also and my great hubby worships all these 3 women in his life like they were some goddesses on earth , but me I am just a girl from some other family even after 10 years of marriage, even after remaining loyal and faithful to his family, even after retaining the confidentiality of family matters and even after fighting with my parents over the same. Now I have stopped expecting much from him, though sometimes I do feel like u do - if I am wrong whu highlight it etc. but I guess thats how life is and we have got to accrpt it and focus on other better things like relationships with the kids, your own home - keeping it neat, cooking goodies for the kids, and of course concentrating on your job if u have one or anything that defines u and is purely yours like a hobby - singing or craftwork or writing or glass painting etc. All the best dinu. I hope man answers your question from a man's point of view and that too honestly. Mr. manimaram, all the women here are impatiently waiting for u to reply. Please go ahead what is stopping u ?