Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi,

I have a very peculier problem. My brother-in-law got divorced and he has one 5 year old son. So when we were in Chennai, he, his son and my MIL stayed together with us. When my MIL stayed with us I faced a lot of problems. She used to treat that boy in a special way when my daughter was also there of same age. Finllay we came to US and we plan to go back INDIA in dec. I hope again we should stay together. Even my husband is telling his brother that we will take care of his son.. so don't worry .. like that.. But I think it is not so easy to grow up a child when we also have two children. So when we go back to India I planned to tell my husband that I don't like to have them with us. Is it Ok or will it hurt my husband because he is very good?

Need your advices..

Jojo Neela replied. Hi Jojo,

Please don't say anything like this to your husband - the boy is hardly 5 years old. If it becomes a family feud he will definitely be affected. Please try to accept him as part of your family - please treat him as an equal to your kids and SHOW your mil how it is done.
Maybe mil is partial because the kid is motherless and mil feels that kid needs help - Maybe mil just wants to be mean to you and your kids - either ways it doesn't matter - 5 year old kid did not make the mistake. Let the adults not penalize the kid for no fault of his. He did not choose to be born into this family, he did not want his parents to be divorced, I am sure he does not ask his grandmom to dote on him - things are happening around him that he is not responsible for. Please accept him and give him love.

Also, if you do mention anything about this to your husband please make sure it is just between the two of you - it will reflect badly on you for thinking such things and you don't want it to go out to other people.

Finally, grandmom treating one kid partially and other kids not as well really does not make much of a difference to the kids - believe me. It all depends on how the mom takes things. It is the mom who determines whether the kids will feel bad or not. When your daughters grow up / if they ask you why grandmom dotes on the cousin more, you can explain to them that grandmom is old-fashioned and doesn't realize that she should treat all kids equally, but that to you all the kids are equal and they are equally important. Believe me, you as a mom-figure are so much more important to all the three kids than the grandmom could ever me. Also believe me that though the 5 year old may be getting grandma's attention, he is probably hopelessly jealous of your daughters becos they get the love and affection of a mom which he doesn't have- Nothing, nothing in the whole, wide world can equal the love of a mother - she is a very special woman in every child's life, no? You have a special role to play and when the child grows up, grandmom will be too old and he will remember all the wonderful things his aunt did for him and tell everyone about it - and you'll definitely be proud of that!

Good luck! Neela hi replied. hi jojo

why r u thinking like this dear? i don't know about ur MIL. whether she is nice or bad. don't know about the BIL.

but one thing i'll say is please, please don't say no to ur husband. that child has no mother. how can we turn our face away from a child like that. think about ur girls. U r there for them. every child needs a mother. be a mother to that child. copnsider hm as one of urs. anyway hw is aboy. so no need to worry.

plaese think about it before saying anything to ur husband.