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what happened DILs? All of a sudden all ur problems gone back??! HOw come its possible all visitors inlaws problems vanished?!?

By seeing all replies and answers...Probably everybody must have concluded 'being quite is best option! Am I right?!
Ok DILs ,but keep visiting this board and some day when all of us turn as MILS...Probably we might start complaining something 'bout DILs ...because Cycle goes on...
But let's swear friends! We shdn't give the same hardships to our DILs now what we r going thru...

Let's lave our sons to DILs ...because the main reason we struggle is ownership on hubby...So let's grant it to our sons...

Keep in touch and keep updating us...SArika, DIAS , Anjali,Anu, Bonny,amitha...Everybody, keep update us with what they r going thru now...

I'm interested in stories because I feel every inlaws probem somehow partially meets my story and like to read replies on problems...

bonny replied. hi all

it is not tht problems have vanished but i am totally frustrated and have crossed all limits. i have got a baby girl and she is just 1 mnth old. my hubby is planning to find a new job and go back to his native and settle there. for which i am getting mad. he does not even bother to tell and silently goes and give interviews. i came to know abt it seing his mail inbox. i know very well if i go there they will make my life hell. my mil had visited my place when the baby was born and she satyed here for 21 days. during those days my hubby behaved as if there is no existence for his wife or daughter. i believe when a baby is born both parents are equally excited but in my case my hubby used to chit chat with his mother and not even bothered to enter my room also to mention i had a c section. can u guys suggest some way to avoid there staying with my inlaws permanently. this thought is killing me and as i am breastfeeding my young one my milk is reducing as i am taking tension( told by a doc) neela replied. Hi dear Twinkle,

This is very much the opposite of what I have seen - usually it is the dil complaining abt how sil is so much petted by her in-laws and how husband always supports mil and sil!

You sound like a really good person whose trust has been abused and it is VERY VERY bad of your sil to do this to you. But I think like you said it is a good lesson for all of us to learn.

This is my personal opinion and I may be wrong but this is what I think you should do:

1. I think you should in your heart forgive your brother for saying mean and rude things to you - why? Becos he is your brother that you have played with, fought with, and laughed with. You said that you were fooled by sil. Then can you not think that your brother is also getting fooled? He probably does not even realize that he is being taken for a ride - poor guy! I think you should pity him and hope that his eyes are opened soon. You have a good and supportive hubby - see who he has? So just sympathize with him and make him feel welcome and let him know that he always has a sister even if he said mean things. Family is like that right? We have to forgive and forget.

2. With your parents - you say that they are keeping quiet for sake of bro - I think they are great! You are lucky you have such understanding parents - and your bro is lucky also. But of course he won't realize it but I think u shd be proud of them and tell them to keep it up. You know how much in-laws can hurt and atleast with open heart you can now say that you honestly have great, supportive parents.

3. You say sil gets royal treatment at home and here she acts like dil and outsider - First, I think you should be happy she gets royal treatment at home. That is her right and I'm glad her family is taking care of her. But in this house honest truth is that it is your home, your parents and your brother too. Of course it is also her home, her parents-in-law and her husband too. So both of you have some rights in the house - but I am very much against the concept that daughter of the house should get all the respect and dil should slog for her. At the same time, if she is bossing you around (maybe you are younger) that is wrong too. I think if it comes to housework etc., you should try to help her since you are both equal now - she is as much a daughter as you are. But if she is exploiting you by making you do all the work, and saying something sarcastic etc. then you should stand up for yourself very firmly but gently. Like say, that is not a nice thing to say, you hurt my feelings to her privately and then let it go. Also worry about how your parents are treating you. Are they making you welcome? If not tell mom, mummy, I feel not so welcome. Can you do something special for me? Don't expect from sil - ignore if she asks you to do this or that - say you are tired. Just ask your parents. Tell them not to ask sil to do it for you but to do it for you themselves - maybe some special dish you like? Some place you want to visit with them? (If they want for the sake of peace in the family let them also do this for your bro/sil. Don't feel bad about that. Appreciate your parents for keeping the peace and being nice people)

4. You say that she \";drove\"; your parents / bro against you - Like you said that is definitely the power of woman. But also think about it this way - it means your parents / bro were willing to believe her?!!! That is not very loyal of them is it? So I think your first step is to work on building trust with your family so she cannot easily do this another time - do not give her the power to do this by behaving in an exemplary manner. Be open with your parents / bro. Trust them. Tell them things. Build a close relationship with them so that next time she bitches about you they will not believe her. Your husband is very wise, like he said you have to slowly build this trust up.

5. Finally be polite and courteous to her always - while keeping the distance. With friends we can just walk away, family we have to meet for the rest of life. You don't want to be rude / make sarcastic comments becos I am sure that will be another weapon against you for her. She will probably walk around bitching abt how rude you are and people will believe her if they see you behaving like that and think you are the bad guy! So just be polite, be distant. Try to maintain a strong relationship with your parents - that is your right. Try to maintain polite relationship with brother. Try to rebuild your original relationship with cousins. You have long ties with them - I am sure they have known you from a young age.

6. Finally move from anger to pity - I think your family has shown by example how to be a good person. Maybe she gets royal treatment but is it not more important to be a good person? With time hopefully she will realize by being in contact with you guys and change herself. If I am not wrong, she is probably hopelessly jealous of you and feeling that you have such good parents and brother and they care for you so much and that is why she is trying to put distance between you guys and cause trouble. Just realize that she is hopelessly insecure and maybe after being in your family for a while her security level will go up and she will not feel like this. You should pray for that.And you should continue to set the example for good behavior for her like you are doing now so that she can learn from you about it.

Maybe you don't like my suggestions. Please forgive me if I wrote something that hurts you. God bless you. Neela

it's me replied. Hi twinkle and another DIL...

hi Another DIL,My simple advice is to be nice to your MIL.I have good example of my friend whose MIL has chanfged completely and became FAN of my friend by spending couple of months in USA.

My friend was totally afraid of her arrival for the first time and some how behaved on her own for those 4months...She took her to different places AND tried to be nicer though she was talking half hearted.
Lately ,After MIL reaching INDIA what changed her mind we dont know but my frind is surprised to her MIL talking and praising for caring her...she simply started calling my friend's mom and being sweet.
My friend is so impressed ...She is also like me who believes in being nice always wins hearts someday.And she finally decided to invite her to live here forever. NOW..They r really maintaining good harmony that recently while I was talking on phone she just couldn't stop herself from crying to see such change in her MIL .She is totally behaving like her Mother.Now I'm asking my hubby to bring his parents here in the hope they would become positive too...-

Twinkle ,But it depends on Fate ,Dear! In your case it never gave u good results but u were in vain!! Now that my brother finished studies and gonna start career..Now itself I started thinking to see a good match for my bro who can also be a goodfriend to me! Where as exactly like Twinkle,I'm too being so nice to my Inlaws but I can c no positive result out of it.But except I can be peaceful for thinking positive 'bout them and I can be content that no fault from my side.And someday they realise it.Now my hubby started realising and some day they'll know what I'm !
I'm wating from 4yrs but always they try to fill my hubby's ears with negative talk.


Twinke,I think ur problem is same as mine.I always try to make ideal family and for achieving that we go out of way for them! Where as we become leniant and they ride on us.SO it's good to be nice but should also be firm and should apprear to be strict then only they can be in their limits.

So twinkle,Keep ur loving heart up and wait to get fruitful results!
Dear Twinkle, I wish we would get ideas from ur SIL(bro's wife) to maintain such position in inlaws home!?! How can she be rude to nicest like u ...And hw cant we be rude to meanest even?!!

I am waiting to c any experiences from successful DILs, give ur suggestions to maintain good rappo and at the same time they should be in our control!?

I know from my friends is \";TALKING LIMITED \"; is best option for any DIL ...More we talk more we become leniant while leaving them clues of loopholes...

twinkle replied. Its not that I wait every day for something bad to happen to them.Its been 5 yrs .Have moved on with great difficulty,but you know sometimes it comes back,the hurt is still fresh.

I have been able to forgive my mil ,i confronted her in frnt of my hubby and his family,and at least now she is trying from her side to be nice to me.

But in my sil's case the closure has not come easily.

I cleared the air with my cousins too but its not the same.

My sil's advtg she is a very very sweet talker sooo much so that she charms her way into your heart.

My hubby tells me my problem is I let people take me for a ride and trust them easily.

The best joke is my parents also fell for her charms and was against me(for my marriage).

Today things are fine.

But you know what the strength of a WOMAN is amazing she can make or break a family.

We should use that strength very carefully. twinkle replied. I keep wondering the same.I don't have kids as yet but the question lingers,will I do the same thing that my mil did to me.

I don't want to.I tried being friendly with my mil,did everything to plz her and other relatives,but somehow it wasn't enough.
They wanted more out of me and still I was a very bad person in their eyes.

I started being friendly even with my sil my bro's wife,but guess what this time she took me for a very loooong ride.She even filled stuff into my cousins' heads against me.My cousins and I were very very good friends used to tell everything under the sun (all girls) we were almost like the trio.When she came into the family I had thought why not break the tradition of ill treating the dil and tried every possible way to make her comfortable.I took her into confidence and she drove me against my own parents.She even drove my bro totally against me so much so that he told me that i was a burden to this family.I had a love affair then and am married to him after a long struggle.The irony of life my bro's is also a love marriage and I supported him so much,he kicked me during my need,didn't ask him for support but his words were soooo painful still fresh in my memory.

Till date I have no idea why she did what she did to me.I believed her for 3 yrs blindly even after I got married.

My hubby told me that it was wrong to fight with my parents.He told me to wake up b4 it was too late.Slowly with his help started realising things.

What I don't get is, she goes to her house and she is royally treated by her parents,and even in at my parents house she acts as if I am the dil of the family and outsider.My parents know it all but they can't say a thing,not that can't they don't want to hurt my brother.

Somehow I feel I got hurt at both the places where I wanted to make a difference.Today i can't talk about being fair to anybody (i mean being fair to in-laws).Its kind of a hard lesson but the best I have learnt.

I still have not given up the hope of having that ideal family.

I do not know who is the worst my sil or my mil.

People say life is a full circle and everybody gets back what they have done,but i don't believe in that nonsense now.

I have seen people who commit crimes pass away unrepentant for what they have done so kind of hard for me to believe that logic.

Yes I want them to feel the pain I went thru,exactly the same way,its hard to forgive when you know you have been hurt for absolutely no fault of yours. another dil replied. Hi \";It's me\";,
u asked \";All of a sudden all ur problems gone back?\"; Now here's my problem...
My mil is visiting us shortly but alone this time. Generally she is accompanied by fil. Now this time alone. She will be here for quite sometime. I am wondering what I will do with her around and when hubby leaves for work. We (mil n I) dont' really get along. (yeah we have same old mil-dil problems). During her earlier visits with fil around things used to be different.
Any tips on how to handle the situation during her stay. (I stay at home and kind of worried about her visit) Waiting for your suggestions.