Hi friends i am Sarika.I have posed on this board before.I'll give you a brief history of my problems.Please advice me like you would advice a sister and please do not think of me as a mean person...it's just the circumstances and maybe my own childish nature that such things have happened.
I have had a rude and mean MIL who never misses an opportunity to pass some comment about me.
Now we are in US since 3 yrs.She feels insecure and jealous of me.My hubby is sweet and supportive and very understanding.
My problem is bcoz of her rde behavior i always expected hubby to be united with me and show less concern for her and in fact stop being as nice to her.I know at this point all of you might be thinking-IMPOSSIBLE! How can one expect this from a son towards his mum?
15 days ago my hubby and i fought becoz of the same MIL issues-mostly of the past.For the first time this time my hubby broke down.He said they are his parents after all.He loves them no matter what.He gets angry on his mum for what she says to me but what can he do..he cannot confront her or fight woth her at this age.He said bcoz of me he has not been able to even talk nicely with her since he came her.I admit i used to get angry whenever he showed too much concern for her or talked lovey-dovey with his mum.My hubby said he imagines what if something happens to them and he will feel guilty for not doing anything for them...more emotionally he has not been able to even talk well with them.He does talk every week but he keeps it minimal and dry.
I felt terrible for him and realized what he was going through.I decided to change myself.
I have to admit that i have not been the best DIL.when my MIL got insecure,maybe i could have pushed aside my ego and tried to asssure her that i am not going to take her son away from her.Well anyways,i decided to change and since 2 weeks have been not srguing with husband about all this and when he talks with her i listen to music or something so that he knows i am not listening and can talk just how he likes.
Since a year have stopped talking with her much.Now I spoke with her after 6 months on fone yesterday.
She said aajkal zamaana ulta ho gaya hai and kids forget their elders and not vice-versa.(she said it smilingly)
I said no no i haven'r forgottten and stuff,then after awhile we spoke properly something came up about marriages and she said\"; sab log humare tarah nahi hote hain ke itne jaldo uthake larko ki shaadi kar diya\";(All people are not like me,i got my sons married too early...she further said for guys it is ok to get them married late,parents are not worried.I lost my cool after hearing this.
I knew she was taunting me bcoz my hubby was young( weboth were 23 when we married and it was a love marriage)I told her here talk with your son and disconnected the fone.I told my hubby about it and he was feeling bad too for me.He said his mum is wrong and he cannot understand why she does all this.I told him i have changed now and will forget it but lost my head later that night started a huge fight with him.
I called his mum names and he too lost his cool for just one minute (he usually never gets angry)I said terrible things to him and his mum.Terrible terrible things and told him i want no association with people who make me mad.
Well...fight over.It's ok since morning and i said sorry and he said sorry.But now i am back to sqaure one.I again feel that since he knows what his mum is capapble of doing to me...she maked me mad and screaming and crying with her words,then he too should show his anger towards her.I do not expect him to fight woth her or anything,just show his anger so that she knows this will not be accepted.I want him to start feeling disgusted the same way i am disgusted by her,only less.
Now since he could not talk yesterday he will talk with her today/tomorrrow.I know i will get angry when he talks sweetly.What i want from you friends os to tell me what i am expecting is right/wrong.
I do think that any confrontation with her would put me in bad light bcoz she will get more sympathy.
I want to know how o deal with this.
Thanks friends,
Sarika
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Hi friends i am Sarika.I have posed on this board before.I'll give you a brief history of my problems.Please advice me like you would advice a sister and please do not think of me as a mean person...it's just the circumstances and maybe my own childish nature that such things have happened.
I have had a rude and mean MIL who never misses an opportunity to pass some comment about me.
Now we are in US since 3 yrs.She feels insecure and jealous of me.My hubby is sweet and supportive and very understanding.
My problem is bcoz of her rde behavior i always expected hubby to be united with me and show less concern for her and in fact stop being as nice to her.I know at this point all of you might be thinking-IMPOSSIBLE! How can one expect this from a son towards his mum?
15 days ago my hubby and i fought becoz of the same MIL issues-mostly of the past.For the first time this time my hubby broke down.He said they are his parents after all.He loves them no matter what.He gets angry on his mum for what she says to me but what can he do..he cannot confront her or fight woth her at this age.He said bcoz of me he has not been able to even talk nicely with her since he came her.I admit i used to get angry whenever he showed too much concern for her or talked lovey-dovey with his mum.My hubby said he imagines what if something happens to them and he will feel guilty for not doing anything for them...more emotionally he has not been able to even talk well with them.He does talk every week but he keeps it minimal and dry.
I felt terrible for him and realized what he was going through.I decided to change myself.
I have to admit that i have not been the best DIL.when my MIL got insecure,maybe i could have pushed aside my ego and tried to asssure her that i am not going to take her son away from her.Well anyways,i decided to change and since 2 weeks have been not srguing with husband about all this and when he talks with her i listen to music or something so that he knows i am not listening and can talk just how he likes.
Since a year have stopped talking with her much.Now I spoke with her after 6 months on fone yesterday.
She said aajkal zamaana ulta ho gaya hai and kids forget their elders and not vice-versa.(she said it smilingly)
I said no no i haven'r forgottten and stuff,then after awhile we spoke properly something came up about marriages and she said\"; sab log humare tarah nahi hote hain ke itne jaldo uthake larko ki shaadi kar diya\";(All people are not like me,i got my sons married too early...she further said for guys it is ok to get them married late,parents are not worried.I lost my cool after hearing this.
I knew she was taunting me bcoz my hubby was young( weboth were 23 when we married and it was a love marriage)I told her here talk with your son and disconnected the fone.I told my hubby about it and he was feeling bad too for me.He said his mum is wrong and he cannot understand why she does all this.I told him i have changed now and will forget it but lost my head later that night started a huge fight with him.
I called his mum names and he too lost his cool for just one minute (he usually never gets angry)I said terrible things to him and his mum.Terrible terrible things and told him i want no association with people who make me mad.
Well...fight over.It's ok since morning and i said sorry and he said sorry.But now i am back to sqaure one.I again feel that since he knows what his mum is capapble of doing to me...she maked me mad and screaming and crying with her words,then he too should show his anger towards her.I do not expect him to fight woth her or anything,just show his anger so that she knows this will not be accepted.I want him to start feeling disgusted the same way i am disgusted by her,only less.
Now since he could not talk yesterday he will talk with her today/tomorrrow.I know i will get angry when he talks sweetly.What i want from you friends os to tell me what i am expecting is right/wrong.
I do think that any confrontation with her would put me in bad light bcoz she will get more sympathy.
I want to know how o deal with this.
Thanks friends,
Sarika
tina replied. Hi Sarika,
dont get trapped in the loop by always thinking of the same think (MIL and hubby) Try doing something to keep urself busy and which can help u build your own personality and which makes you confident in yourself , get yourself mental maturity where you can just laugh it off when ever ur MIL makes some mean comments on u. I know its not so easy to be cool when some one hurts ur ego and self respect. But remember onething , by reacting like this , u r hurting urself a lot and that way ur MIL is getting what she wants and it also hurts ur relation with ur hubby. Touch wood u have so many good things in ur life , more than anything such a good hubby , who says his mom is wrong , there r so many guys whom we see across this board , who dont even admit that their mom is being unreasonable , best thing for u , u r not staying with ur MIL.. think of those girls who stay with them and have to go through this everyday !
So girl , think of good things in ur life and try to make max out what u have and spend time on urself and for ur hubby .. staying so far away stop spending ur time and enery on ur MIL.
About u stopping ur hubby from talking to ur MIL, thats really bad. Just think if ur brother had done that to ur mom ? Dont forget by doing that , u r hurting ur hubby whom u love.. and doing anything in life is not worth if it hurts ur loved ones right ??
So take care,
good luck
dia replied. Hi Sarika,Seems your problem is so minor one.
For all gals who have understanding hubbies,I can tell only one thiing...U R LUCKY ENOUGH! nothing else will hurt u!
My case will releive u from this Tense I guess!C dear,I'm living in USA and my hubby is very sweet to me and his parents.My inlaws r very sweet to me and the problem is...When we go for vacation ,He changes totally and listens all of their complaints against my parents and me.And scolds me badly for not serving his parents like Ideal DIL.He wants me to be like old-cinema-DIL who take care of entire house and stuff...He doesnt think of my situation where I'm spending max 1 or 2 weeks in an year with my in-laws ,how can I take care of entire house??? Also my parents do everything but they r so greedy (again doesnt express in frnt of me) but tell therir son ...they dsidnt give this and that...etc...He comes to me and asks me why dont my parents respect them.
Worst part is ...My hubby ask me to love his parents than him??HOw can I do that.
Still I be so sweet to them and talk blah blah always and try to impress somehow.OR my hubby will act dissatisfied for our marriage as that old couple got worst DIL ...
Tell me Sarika,Who is in best position now?! Me or YOU? Definitely it's u ...at least ur MIL is exposing herself what she is, so u have point to fight and ur hubby somehow has sympothy.
Also,If u don't like them u have chance to not to talk to them.But look at my posiiton.I always want to impress them because I dont like my hubb's emotional blackmailing...He doesn't talk to me well.If I say anything againt them...and says\";I lost in my life ..I got u\"; ///though I'm not fighting with them...or saying single word against them.
Just If I feel sad with their complaints,I become some moody and that makes him to say above dialogues...SO these days ,I strarted to ignore my sensitive feelings and not caring 'bout their ear-filling things...
All IO'm taking care of daughter and being sweet to them.NOt that my hubby doesnt love me...He LOVEme somuch but the problem is when they come in to picture he keeps doubting me,HE WANTS ME TO LOVE THEM MOST LIKE A DAUGHTER
I'm feeling insecured they might make him to hate me someday...Because he listens blindly whatever they tell...And he broke good relationship with my parents...but now I'm not caring these things and being cool...
IF I JUST GIVE HIM A CHANCE TALK SEPERATELY...Don't know what they fill his mind with...but he somehow behaves different.They behave so sweet with me ,that is the bigg problem because my hubby doesnt understand their inner feelings.
The way he brought up is...like that.He believes WIVES r born to devide parents and son...They fed that feeling before from the marriage.(Guess what,My MIL devided my FIL from his mother,But here my hubby feels my MIL is nice DIL but , his grand ma was not good :) ) !! HOpe u got what I meant!!
So he was like that.And he feels himself so matured and not like other sons who listen to wives...But I feel he is immetured.
Sarika replied. Thank you so much Sangeetha and Simple.
Sangeetha,you seem to be in a similar position.I have been trying to work out a better relation with my husband by not fighting and it seemed to be working so well.This last phone call made me start a fight again and now i repent for that.I know i am lucky and blessed bcoz i have a good husband.You advice is really good and helped me get back in the saddle,stop thinking negatively and keep on trying to love my hubby more and more.
Simple,I like your advice very much.I would like to add that i think the DILS in USA get more frustrated sometimes and the reason is that the in-laws are in India and are very very insecure bcoz of this fact.They feel lonely and rejected and they keep filling the son's ears against us.Some in-laws even feel jealous for the privileges the DIL is enjoying in USA.
This is the main reason i think that they make life hell with their comments when we call them.
Sarika
hi replied. sarika is are going mad i m sure,,, why do u get irritated when son and mom talk to each other, i m also a married since 2 yrs i dont get mad atleast when my hubby talks to his mom..... i got other major things in life to battle with thats why i dont care whether he speaks to his mom sweetly, dearly or whatever... and i would not try to keep mom and son in distance as long as they dont bother me
Sangeetha replied. Sarika, I am positive you dont like your mother in law at all. That is okay. I dont like my mother in law also. I live in US also and I used to fight with my husband initially a lot. It used to make me feel very bad that he loves him 100 % and comparitively I used to feel taht he loves me 1 %. When the mother in law is not in the picture, then I know for sure he loves me 100 %. I used to hate anything she says just because of this feeling and I used to pick a fight with my husband like you. The result, the husband and wife relationship started to deteriorate and that is when I relaized that I should not fight with my husband over this. I dont talk to my mother in law much - may be once in 3 months or so that too - I just ask 'how they are doing' and I will just say a couple of things that happen at my end - mostly like what I cooked like a couple of days which is of no relevance to anybody. So I didn't give her a chance to say anything to me which will hurt my feelings. If it is somebody's B'day or something I will just wish them and what they are doing special on their B'day and stuff. I will just say 'oh really' to answer anything that they can not make out what I am saying. I try not to listen to my husbands conversations with them. I am somedays tempted to listen to tehir conversation. But I dont ask anything to my husband these days. Yes he still talks lovey dovey to them. But that is okay with me these days. I have learnt to think out of the box these days. I just think about the lot of things I am blessed with in my life. Even my husband, for example, he doesn't drink or smoke, doesn't abuse me in any way (verbally or physically), tries to keep me happy most of the times except when it comes to his parents. I would imagine what if my husband smokes, drinks, comes home and abuses me and even without him being nice at all to his parents, I wont like that for sure. I think this is far better than that. After I started acting like this, my relationship with my husband has improved tremendously. He would do anyhting for me, so lovey dovey with me most of the times when it doesn't involve his parents and I am happy.
Why dont you try this also? After all it is your husband and you love him so much and it was a love marriage for you and so he did something BIG for you. Mine was an arranged marriage and I didn't know much about my husband before I got married.
You dont have to love your mother in law, but do not interfere much in your husbands interaction with them. Dont ever fight over it. It will make you loose control over your husband. Be happy - Hey you are in US which many people from India are still dreaming about. there are a lot of opportunities here, so why dont you enjoy what you all have rather than fighting over one thing that we all (most of the wives do not have) lack - husband loving the wife more than his Mom :))
Be cheerful my dear!!
Hope to hear from you soon that you are not fighting any more with your husband on this.
simple replied. I hv been reading messages here for a long time. I hv seen problems posted by DILs in India and abroad.
Me is also a DIL, and have sufferred the same 'saas' trauma a lot!
And i hv always felt one thing. I hope all take this positively.
I hv seen msgs from DILs in India with in-laws staying with them. Day in and day out, these DILs are facing those people LIVE - managing house, cooking, kids, society, married life and even their jobs. Sometimes their hubbies dont even support them!
Actually facing in-laws - who are nagging/complaining/cunning etc etc - should be much more difficult than for someone in the USA who is just talking to nagging/complaining/cunning etc etc in-laws on phone - that oo once a while. Isnt it?
My MIL also says such hurting things like Sarika's.
And like sarika's hubby, my hubby also agrees to me but never says a word against mother. He and me understand that there is no sense in it. It will only agitate the MIL - those in-laws people can never understand.
Everyday i return home from office, i have a tension \";what topic will MIL choose to start a fire? Will i be able to sleep peacefully today?\";
I initially used to fight with my hubby like sarika but i hv realised that men are different, they dont vent out the feelings - WHICH IS DANGEROUS FOR THEIR HEALTH AND CAN LATER LEAD TO PROBLEMS LIKE BP/HEART TROUBLE/ETC.
ALL THAT A HUBBY WANTS IS PEACE OF MIND AFTER OFFICE. For an DIL staying with inlaws, we can say this might be difficult. Even if DIL keeps quiet and sacrifices, there is mother to nag the son!
But for a DIL in USA .. ? Come on, just ignore the senseless comments and enjoy your life dear!
What more do you want in life? Such problems will exist. How many MILs have you heard are \";good\";? One will always face good and bad people in life.
Isnt your life better than those who are facing it live?
Why is it so difficult for US-DILs to handle such MILs/other people who are passing comments over phone?
ok - I can consider if MIL is provoking the son over phone, or if son doesnt support his wife, or MIL is doing something which is interfering the couple's life.
But comments which are only to agitate the DIL .. ? I dont see a reason that a DIL should take them so seriously that she disturbs peace in the house - that too when the hubby agrees she is right!
Pardon me if this hurts, but i said what i felt! If DILs staying far and still sufferring due to MILs, look at the DILs facing it live, consider yourself to be lucky and PLEASE spend your life happily. Let your hubby's leave happily.
Please dont spoil these days of life for something so stupid. These days will not come back. Look at what you HAVE in life ... dont look at something which is \";virtual\";.
simple
sarika replied. please reply friends
2006-06-26
#1
Name: tina Subject: cool down
Hi Sarika,
dont get trapped in the loop by always thinking of the same think (MIL and hubby) Try doing something to keep urself busy and which can help u build your own personality and which makes you confident in yourself , get yourself mental maturity where you can just laugh it off when ever ur MIL makes some mean comments on u. I know its not so easy to be cool when some one hurts ur ego and self respect. But remember onething , by reacting like this , u r hurting urself a lot and that way ur MIL is getting what she wants and it also hurts ur relation with ur hubby. Touch wood u have so many good things in ur life , more than anything such a good hubby , who says his mom is wrong , there r so many guys whom we see across this board , who dont even admit that their mom is being unreasonable , best thing for u , u r not staying with ur MIL.. think of those girls who stay with them and have to go through this everyday !
So girl , think of good things in ur life and try to make max out what u have and spend time on urself and for ur hubby .. staying so far away stop spending ur time and enery on ur MIL.
About u stopping ur hubby from talking to ur MIL, thats really bad. Just think if ur brother had done that to ur mom ? Dont forget by doing that , u r hurting ur hubby whom u love.. and doing anything in life is not worth if it hurts ur loved ones right ??
So take care,
good luck
2006-05-05
#2
Name: dia Subject: Dear Sarika!
Hi Sarika,Seems your problem is so minor one.
For all gals who have understanding hubbies,I can tell only one thiing...U R LUCKY ENOUGH! nothing else will hurt u!
My case will releive u from this Tense I guess!C dear,I'm living in USA and my hubby is very sweet to me and his parents.My inlaws r very sweet to me and the problem is...When we go for vacation ,He changes totally and listens all of their complaints against my parents and me.And scolds me badly for not serving his parents like Ideal DIL.He wants me to be like old-cinema-DIL who take care of entire house and stuff...He doesnt think of my situation where I'm spending max 1 or 2 weeks in an year with my in-laws ,how can I take care of entire house??? Also my parents do everything but they r so greedy (again doesnt express in frnt of me) but tell therir son ...they dsidnt give this and that...etc...He comes to me and asks me why dont my parents respect them.
Worst part is ...My hubby ask me to love his parents than him??HOw can I do that.
Still I be so sweet to them and talk blah blah always and try to impress somehow.OR my hubby will act dissatisfied for our marriage as that old couple got worst DIL ...
Tell me Sarika,Who is in best position now?! Me or YOU? Definitely it's u ...at least ur MIL is exposing herself what she is, so u have point to fight and ur hubby somehow has sympothy.
Also,If u don't like them u have chance to not to talk to them.But look at my posiiton.I always want to impress them because I dont like my hubb's emotional blackmailing...He doesn't talk to me well.If I say anything againt them...and says\";I lost in my life ..I got u\"; ///though I'm not fighting with them...or saying single word against them.
Just If I feel sad with their complaints,I become some moody and that makes him to say above dialogues...SO these days ,I strarted to ignore my sensitive feelings and not caring 'bout their ear-filling things...
All IO'm taking care of daughter and being sweet to them.NOt that my hubby doesnt love me...He LOVEme somuch but the problem is when they come in to picture he keeps doubting me,HE WANTS ME TO LOVE THEM MOST LIKE A DAUGHTER
I'm feeling insecured they might make him to hate me someday...Because he listens blindly whatever they tell...And he broke good relationship with my parents...but now I'm not caring these things and being cool...
IF I JUST GIVE HIM A CHANCE TALK SEPERATELY...Don't know what they fill his mind with...but he somehow behaves different.They behave so sweet with me ,that is the bigg problem because my hubby doesnt understand their inner feelings.
The way he brought up is...like that.He believes WIVES r born to devide parents and son...They fed that feeling before from the marriage.(Guess what,My MIL devided my FIL from his mother,But here my hubby feels my MIL is nice DIL but , his grand ma was not good :) ) !! HOpe u got what I meant!!
So he was like that.And he feels himself so matured and not like other sons who listen to wives...But I feel he is immetured.
2006-05-05
#3
Name: Sarika Subject: Thanks
Thank you so much Sangeetha and Simple.
Sangeetha,you seem to be in a similar position.I have been trying to work out a better relation with my husband by not fighting and it seemed to be working so well.This last phone call made me start a fight again and now i repent for that.I know i am lucky and blessed bcoz i have a good husband.You advice is really good and helped me get back in the saddle,stop thinking negatively and keep on trying to love my hubby more and more.
Simple,I like your advice very much.I would like to add that i think the DILS in USA get more frustrated sometimes and the reason is that the in-laws are in India and are very very insecure bcoz of this fact.They feel lonely and rejected and they keep filling the son's ears against us.Some in-laws even feel jealous for the privileges the DIL is enjoying in USA.
This is the main reason i think that they make life hell with their comments when we call them.
Sarika
2006-05-05
#4
Name: hi Subject: whattttt
sarika is are going mad i m sure,,, why do u get irritated when son and mom talk to each other, i m also a married since 2 yrs i dont get mad atleast when my hubby talks to his mom..... i got other major things in life to battle with thats why i dont care whether he speaks to his mom sweetly, dearly or whatever... and i would not try to keep mom and son in distance as long as they dont bother me
2006-05-05
#5
Name: Sangeetha Subject: Try this
Sarika, I am positive you dont like your mother in law at all. That is okay. I dont like my mother in law also. I live in US also and I used to fight with my husband initially a lot. It used to make me feel very bad that he loves him 100 % and comparitively I used to feel taht he loves me 1 %. When the mother in law is not in the picture, then I know for sure he loves me 100 %. I used to hate anything she says just because of this feeling and I used to pick a fight with my husband like you. The result, the husband and wife relationship started to deteriorate and that is when I relaized that I should not fight with my husband over this. I dont talk to my mother in law much - may be once in 3 months or so that too - I just ask 'how they are doing' and I will just say a couple of things that happen at my end - mostly like what I cooked like a couple of days which is of no relevance to anybody. So I didn't give her a chance to say anything to me which will hurt my feelings. If it is somebody's B'day or something I will just wish them and what they are doing special on their B'day and stuff. I will just say 'oh really' to answer anything that they can not make out what I am saying. I try not to listen to my husbands conversations with them. I am somedays tempted to listen to tehir conversation. But I dont ask anything to my husband these days. Yes he still talks lovey dovey to them. But that is okay with me these days. I have learnt to think out of the box these days. I just think about the lot of things I am blessed with in my life. Even my husband, for example, he doesn't drink or smoke, doesn't abuse me in any way (verbally or physically), tries to keep me happy most of the times except when it comes to his parents. I would imagine what if my husband smokes, drinks, comes home and abuses me and even without him being nice at all to his parents, I wont like that for sure. I think this is far better than that. After I started acting like this, my relationship with my husband has improved tremendously. He would do anyhting for me, so lovey dovey with me most of the times when it doesn't involve his parents and I am happy.
Why dont you try this also? After all it is your husband and you love him so much and it was a love marriage for you and so he did something BIG for you. Mine was an arranged marriage and I didn't know much about my husband before I got married.
You dont have to love your mother in law, but do not interfere much in your husbands interaction with them. Dont ever fight over it. It will make you loose control over your husband. Be happy - Hey you are in US which many people from India are still dreaming about. there are a lot of opportunities here, so why dont you enjoy what you all have rather than fighting over one thing that we all (most of the wives do not have) lack - husband loving the wife more than his Mom :))
Be cheerful my dear!!
Hope to hear from you soon that you are not fighting any more with your husband on this.
2006-05-05
#6
Name: simple Subject: ironical, isnt it?
I hv been reading messages here for a long time. I hv seen problems posted by DILs in India and abroad.
Me is also a DIL, and have sufferred the same 'saas' trauma a lot!
And i hv always felt one thing. I hope all take this positively.
I hv seen msgs from DILs in India with in-laws staying with them. Day in and day out, these DILs are facing those people LIVE - managing house, cooking, kids, society, married life and even their jobs. Sometimes their hubbies dont even support them!
Actually facing in-laws - who are nagging/complaining/cunning etc etc - should be much more difficult than for someone in the USA who is just talking to nagging/complaining/cunning etc etc in-laws on phone - that oo once a while. Isnt it?
My MIL also says such hurting things like Sarika's.
And like sarika's hubby, my hubby also agrees to me but never says a word against mother. He and me understand that there is no sense in it. It will only agitate the MIL - those in-laws people can never understand.
Everyday i return home from office, i have a tension \";what topic will MIL choose to start a fire? Will i be able to sleep peacefully today?\";
I initially used to fight with my hubby like sarika but i hv realised that men are different, they dont vent out the feelings - WHICH IS DANGEROUS FOR THEIR HEALTH AND CAN LATER LEAD TO PROBLEMS LIKE BP/HEART TROUBLE/ETC.
ALL THAT A HUBBY WANTS IS PEACE OF MIND AFTER OFFICE. For an DIL staying with inlaws, we can say this might be difficult. Even if DIL keeps quiet and sacrifices, there is mother to nag the son!
But for a DIL in USA .. ? Come on, just ignore the senseless comments and enjoy your life dear!
What more do you want in life? Such problems will exist. How many MILs have you heard are \";good\";? One will always face good and bad people in life.
Isnt your life better than those who are facing it live?
Why is it so difficult for US-DILs to handle such MILs/other people who are passing comments over phone?
ok - I can consider if MIL is provoking the son over phone, or if son doesnt support his wife, or MIL is doing something which is interfering the couple's life.
But comments which are only to agitate the DIL .. ? I dont see a reason that a DIL should take them so seriously that she disturbs peace in the house - that too when the hubby agrees she is right!
Pardon me if this hurts, but i said what i felt! If DILs staying far and still sufferring due to MILs, look at the DILs facing it live, consider yourself to be lucky and PLEASE spend your life happily. Let your hubby's leave happily.
Please dont spoil these days of life for something so stupid. These days will not come back. Look at what you HAVE in life ... dont look at something which is \";virtual\";.
simple
2006-05-04
#7
Name: sarika Subject: plz
please reply friends
2006-06-26
#8
Name: tina Subject: cool down
Hi Sarika,
dont get trapped in the loop by always thinking of the same think (MIL and hubby) Try doing something to keep urself busy and which can help u build your own personality and which makes you confident in yourself , get yourself mental maturity where you can just laugh it off when ever ur MIL makes some mean comments on u. I know its not so easy to be cool when some one hurts ur ego and self respect. But remember onething , by reacting like this , u r hurting urself a lot and that way ur MIL is getting what she wants and it also hurts ur relation with ur hubby. Touch wood u have so many good things in ur life , more than anything such a good hubby , who says his mom is wrong , there r so many guys whom we see across this board , who dont even admit that their mom is being unreasonable , best thing for u , u r not staying with ur MIL.. think of those girls who stay with them and have to go through this everyday !
So girl , think of good things in ur life and try to make max out what u have and spend time on urself and for ur hubby .. staying so far away stop spending ur time and enery on ur MIL.
About u stopping ur hubby from talking to ur MIL, thats really bad. Just think if ur brother had done that to ur mom ? Dont forget by doing that , u r hurting ur hubby whom u love.. and doing anything in life is not worth if it hurts ur loved ones right ??
So take care,
good luck
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cool down
Dear Sarika!
Thanks
ironical, isnt it?
plz
Name: tina
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