Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi,
I am facing the same problem as many indian women facing. so called INLAWS.Not allowing us. thinking we didn't know anything, lying all the time whatever we says. Wants that after marriage we have not to keep relation with our parents and friends and family.Even if earning, my husband withdrawing all money from my account. No rights of buying anything. All cloths or wishes wants will be tell to parents.Problem is that \";HUSBANDS ARE NOT UNDERSTANDING SITUATION\";
How they will feel the condition we are facing? If they have to stay with their inlaws and their inlaws behaving like their parents what they do. They obviously compalin to us and we talked to our mother or family that please take care of your \";\";\";JAMAI\";\";\";....
The shame thing in my case that even if for sanitory napkins i have to ask to my inlaws.

What are the options for me to live better and happy life.
Do we have to reconsider marriage?
Marry to any American born guy? Y our INDIAN culture has such problems and how to change a culture?

help me to solve my problems..I am tired with this inlaws and family. My sister-in-laws also living with us with their family.Slowly slowly i lossing my love with my husaband not faith in him. what to do? niyati replied. You all right. believe to change myself and nothing wrong to fight for own rights. I just confused because when i tried to say something to them(IL) they said you are not obedient etc etc. but now from your replies i think i am right what i have to do for myself and my right i have to do.

Thanks i will give u updates. Niyati replied. You are right. I have to develop courage in myself instead of crying. adithi replied. dear niyati
how can u take so much of ... from anyone.Learn to stand for ureself Read books on how to be assertive,how to say no U'll be able to make out that ure nature is also responsible for this ugly situation.First of all start saying NO to ure husband if he's not being reasonable and if in laws are giving you a hard time just stay away from them(u can do it when ure still living with them)People illtreat u just bec. u let them do that. K.Radha replied. \";Do we have to reconsider marriage?
Marry to any American born guy? Y our INDIAN culture has such problems and how to change a culture?\";

Can I be really honest about this comment you made? It isn't really the fact you've married Indian men. Well, yes & no. I do see your point of view because my hubby is Indian and I know how they are about family. However I watch my female Indian friends and I can see why the men get away with so much of their behaviour & the in-laws too.

Please do not take this out of context and I beg you do not take offence. But you Indian girls have a completely different attitude to westeners. I watch my friend & see that some are treated like a virtual slave & they accept that that is the way it is. HELL NO! It is all well & good to not rock the boat by being passive but not to the degree many go to. They are so extremely passive that I am disturbed by it.

I believe if more women were assertive about their basic needs & rights many things would change. You've got to know when to stand your ground & stick to it. So what if the IL's go rank or hubby ignors you for a few days... In time things will change. What is happening to you is mostly because you allow it. I am sorry to say that but it is true.

Your husband has no right to take money from your account and as for asking for sanitary napkins, well, that is not only an invasion of your most intimate moments & totally negating to your worth as a human. Dont you feel you deserve more respect than to ask for money for napkins?

I do sympathise with you Niyati. I don't know how I would cope in your situation but you could change some of it, starting with a new bank account. And if hubby demands all the money and you want to give it than it will then be your choice. I hope you think to keep enough aside from femine care before handing it over. Do you not realise you're allowing them to rule your life & your body? Think about that.

Niyati, you're a grown woman allowing people to treat you like a child. Even when I was a girl my parents never knew when I needed napkins or had my cycle. Aside from the first time when I needed to ask for napkins my parents got it when shopping so it was always there. So that I could have privacy & pride. Stand up for your rights and do not allow this to go on... You have the power to change things but do you have the courage? I think deep down you do and I look forward to hearing how your life changes in the future. I will pray for you Niyati, for strength & assertion. Take care of yourself & remember people are sending their very best wishes
Mani replied. how can u'r hubby take out money from u'r account.
Open a new one...without him having acess to it. Say that u need stuff and u feel embassed having to ask someone for money to buy even small things.
Take a stand.
Nobody can give u magic words and make all u'r problems go away. U r going to have to take a stand and fight for somethings in u'r life. Why don't u and hubby move out for a couple of years.
If that is not an option..then try to make the best of it. But explain u'r view point to u'r husband..and get his support. Give him and his family the silent treatment if u don't like what is going on.
But 1st most be finacianl independent..get u'r account separate if he is taking money out .
All the best.