Name: mansi
Hi all. I have been married for 10 months now. I currently am in the states and married a man who now is here. We knew each other before we got married. We were good friends but that all changed when he asked me to marry him.
I thought that i would never find anyone else who cared about my family as this man so i agreed to marry him. I had no feelings for him except as friends but my family liked him so i married him. My family got to know him a little bit better b4 we got married and their views changed however i was worried about how my parents would look in society so i went through with the marriage.
After marriage, my husband began to change. He was possessive b4 now he was over the line. He began to keep me in the house, didnt want to spend time with my parents, and started to taunt me time and time again. All of a sudden he started to watch what i ate, what i wore, who i talk to and started not liking my friends (girls of course), my friends who were americans as well as they could not be single either. It was better to have married couples so that we could relate to them. What to do now?
ONe night, we got into a fight, verbal as well as physical about how i looked. It is not something that i can control. I never tried to hide the way i look but now he started to have problems with my weight. He swore he would never say anything negative to me...i guess he was scared that i might tell someone that we had gotten into a fights and he hurt me. Ever since then, i have always had a thought in my mind that there is another reason why he married me. My love for him has dwindled off and now i dont even tell him that i love him. I dont say it becuz i only say what i mean. I am contemplating on what to do. Lately it seems that if i know him, he is a person who would do things for his benefit and then forget about the other person. It just tells me that he is very mutlabi person. I dont like that in a person. I have come to find so many negative things in him that i never wished i had in my husband. I know that you only get to know a person once u live with them, and discover that there are infact things that are minute that will make u angery. Being opposites is ok, but i am having difficulty trying to find a common ground. I have done everythign i could do to make thigns work. I am sure that he must think of it the same way. We just cant make it work.
Now the question remains....what should i do? Should i stay with him, being an \";indian woman\"; and acknowledging that hindus are suppose to get married only once. Or, get over that belief and separate becuz i know i can do better.
Even that is confusing. I once got an email that says that marriage is a comprise, a compromise that you will not find anyone better so take what u get. But is that really so?
I have worries about how my life could be if i were to stay with him, have kids and be a part of his family. I wonder if the feelings from his parents, when they say that i am \";like a daughter more than a bahu\"; are true or just words. Sometimes i get the feelings that all those words are mere words and nothing more. No bahu can ever be a daughter, ever.
I am sorry if i am ranting and raving but i am so confused, i dont know what to do. I am sure that some of you might even say that my thoughts are not clear but that is exactly what i want to do. I am not sure if my feelings are valid or is it just in my mind. Is this normal? Things change so often that i can never figure out what the heck is going on. For example, when we fight, there is tension and then two days later i begin to think why did we fight? I mean, i am clear on why we argue when we argue but then after his best efforts to see his point of view i begin to see his point of view and then i begin to doubt my belife. He is mean and nasty when we fight but when its all over, he becomes nice. I wonder what brings on the change. The change lasts for few days then we have another arguement...it never changes. I know newly married couples have difference but how does one manage to change the atmosphere, change themselves to keep their husbands happy. What happens to our happiness? Why can't they change to keep us happy, if not chance atleast know when they are hurting us. Is that too much to ask? Someone has told me not to expect too much, but expecting your husband to wish you happy birthday on ur birthday expecting too much? Is him asking you are u ok, after you hurt yourselves, asking too much? i dont think so.
I have always done everything thinkin of how a typical indian woman would do, despite living abroad but that just makes me feel bad becuz iknow that women these days dont do such things...but i am always put down. I know i am not happy with him most of the times but what do i do? Stay or not. I know that we are two different people but like myself, why can't he respect my feelings and thoughts? I feel very unlucky from all the women who write that they have very understanding husbands, who take their sides when it come to in-laws but it makes me feel bad tht my hsbnd is not like that. why should that be? Dont i deserve someone who encourages my emotional growth, my personal growth or do i deserve someone that suppressess me and tells me that i have more than i deserve. Who are those kinda people who decide what u deserve. who gives them the rite to make such judgements? Where do i draw the line? Is it ok for someone to forcefully make you think of the two as a family or should it come natuarally? Am i wrong by not having a feeling of trust or of family with the one i married? Am i wrong to wonder if i could have done better? How should i make things better? Can i make things better?
I keep busy now, so dont have much time to think of things but it bothers me to think that i am not happy. I am unhappy becuz i dont know what to do? Plz help.
some thots
hello everything is not dim
Please no wishful thinking
It takes time..
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