Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi friends,i don't know if you remember me.I had posted here last year about my marriage.I had written that i feel my husband is not handsome and that i could do better especially becoz i had a very handsome boyfriend before marriage.I wrote about how i love him but feel i deserved better.
Well fate has played a trick on me now and i think God is punishing me for such a shallow thinking.
Lat year i started keeping unwell,stopped exercising and lost my good looks.I was a really beautiful girl at the time of my marriage and a year after that.Now i am not bad looking but i am not as pretty as before.
As for my husband i was selfish.I wanted him to get smarter and forced him to go for higher studies in his field.He is now going to start his higher studies which will get him a very high paid job and will soon join full time school here for it.
I on the other hand spent my time thinking why i married him in the first year or two and wasted all my time.When i fell sick i saw the wonderful side of my hubby and am now deeply in love with him and will not ever care about his looks again in my life.
But i feel depressed.He is getting better and better by the day.He looks good now,he has lost weight,due to exercise and all he is glowing and soon he will go to college and get smarter and after that he will get a very good job.
As for me,I don't keep well often,cannot exercise much anymore,have puffed eyes and tired look all the time and am just feeling so inferior to him.I don't even have a bachelors and am now completing one.
So compared to him I am not as good anymore.I feel resentment towards myself now bcoz i feel i have played a part in his change.I should not have forced him for studies etc.I feel he will just go on improving and i will keep deteriorating.I hate that and am tense all the time.I feel he will see better and smarter girls in his college and compare.He loves me a lot but i feel a lot of that love had to do with my beauty.He always listens to me and i feel he will get arrogant with time.I have egs of people who changed after success.To add to my woes i am 2 yrs older than him.So he's 26 and i am 28.I am already showing signs of aging and he looks young.I fear that he will stay young and i will look old and haggard after 4/5 years.
I know i sound crazy but i am losing sleep over all this.
The worst part in all this is his parents are very greedy and selfish people.His mum hates me and his dad only wants us to go back and live with him in india...and they are not even sick or old.I now think that life was good as it was...meaning he had a not so great job so nobody pressured us much for money,I was the more goodlooking one so he listened to me etc and now things will change.When in the future we have problems with his family he might choose to not listen to me bcoz he knows he can do better.He has recently started showing his love for them more openly.
Moreover after his masters he will earn much more and they will expect much more and he will grow proud.
My god i am going crazy here friends.
Please tell me what to do.I often think about stopping him from going for his higher studies.I also think about ways to make him look ugly like feed him rich food to make him fat etc.I know i sound mean and maybe mad but this is what i am going through.Please help me everyone.Please i have no one to turn to in U.S. I haven't slept well for days.
B shortcake replied. Hi B,

I understand what state you are in. I can tell you something when u love a person with ur heart u can never ever see his physical appearance. U will love him for what he is. B u love him u made him to apply for his MS and he joined not to look at some smart girl in college he joined beacuse he loves u he joined because he wants to show you he can do anything for u why cant u understand that u r his world he is doing it so that u can have a better life. B get up its ur imagination thats working here u r imagining and spoiling ur life. If ur husband looks better its good for u u will feel proud when u go out with him if he is healty u r going to benefit from him why do want to give him fatty foods r u trying to kill him please never have such cheap thoughts in ur mind he is urs he is u will u ever try to destroy urself no right, the same with him. What if his parents asks for money have this clear in ur mind what he is today its because of his parents his education etc etc would u have married him he wasnt educated u should be thankfull to ur inlaws. U dont know with what struggle they would have made him to study. Giving them some money u r not going to loose anythinng god will bless you abundantly B. Come out of ur dark world u have been married for quite a long time. u must trust him . the way u behave affects him if u send negative vibes out he will react that way everything is in ur hand. go out with him once in while, write a love letter to him telling him how much he means to you instead of imagining some stupid things about him, when he is back home make some good food for him eveyr man likes to eat and when u r in US they miss indian foods make some nice food for him, go out, i am sorry to intrude in ur privacy can i know what is wrong with u. go to the library engage urself do some social activity wake up. u seem like a good girl but u feel insecure and u r drowing urself in it.
Its ur life u live it or spoil it is in ur hands. Love ur husband and show him how much u love him. Talk to him happily make him feel loved, make him fell u r always there for him he never left u when u made him realise he was not upto ur match he took it sportively and started to work on it the same applies to u. I think this is enough for now we are here to help u post any thing anytime dont feel bad about anything take care of ur health. ur far away from ur parents and its ur duty to take care of urself and ur husband. i understand what u r going through because i am also away from my parenst and i too dont have anyone over here. but i have my husband and its more than enough for my life to go on...........

All the Best B take care Arpita replied. Your problem is \";Empty mind devils workshop\";.
By writing what you have in this forum , all you are doing is exposing your low self esteem and pathetic existence.
Personally, I feel bad for your husband that he is married to such a evil thinking and wishing person.
Get a grip of your life and try to think \";POSITIVE\";.
All you see and wish is for bad things to happen.If something is wrong here, it is your attitude, your thinking. Try to think good and do good.
You should even consider about going for some psychatric help!!!
Try to make yourself better rather then trying to make your husband worse.

C replied. Resembles some movie story which I saw long back. SR replied. Wake up girl
Wake up before its too late and u lose your wonderful hubby.
And also start to look after yourself.
If you cannot exercise, then at least eat healthy. Go for long walks.. they are a fun way to exercise. Take up a dance class...get a dog which u can take for walks. Go shopping.. buy a few things for yourself.. change your haircut.. or even get your hair coloured.. all these things ..though not too big..will help you feel better. Spoil yourself at the beauty parlour one day.
Be happy for your husband's success etc..after all he listened and did it for you cos you asked me to, right?
And so what if he wants to help his parents? Would u not want to help your parents if they needed money etc?
You are lucky your inlaws don't even live with you.
So stop it... and change...take some time out for yourself daily where you concentrate on yourself.
If your husband starts earning more, who will benefit from it??? You of course!!!
So please encourage him to do even more..and be positive about things. Also find yourself a job to keep yourself occupied.

Good luck. Keep us posted. friend replied. Dear B,

First of all let me make it clear to you that when a person loves another
person be it a boyfriend-girlfriend, husband-wife or anyother relationship
physical beauty is the last thing one considers. (Here I am talking about true love, Okay.) In my opinion as long as you are nice at heart you can win anyone's love.

Now coming to your point. You said you asked ur husband to go for higher
studies,and he is about to join his MS program. He has become smarter than you and you ve become ugly. My dear friend what's going on with you. Instead of feeling happy for your husband (who is so loving towards you) you are sulking. Wake up girl before you lose everything (his love and your entire health)!!!

You said u r getting ugly n he is getting smart. Well, many ladies after
delivery put on a lot of weight n some even get sick, so it doesn't mean
that their husbands starts hating them. Your husband is very nice person
who always listened to you. Now he has lost weight n going for higher
studies just the way you wanted. Still you have your misgivings about him.
I am so very sad to read you post. Plz Plz now don't rant about all these
things. And take control of your life. You said ur inlaws will ask for
more money when he earns. Well he hasn't started earning yet. Don't just
use ur silly imaginations. Be nice to your hubby, such that when u want
him to listen to u he should. DOn't compare urself with him. He is ur life
partner. There's no comparison as such between husband and wife. They have
to live their entire life with each other so if there's something lacking in u he should be able to accept it n if something he lacks u should accept it.

Btw, u said he will see better smarter girls and he will compare. Come on
don't u know your hubby yet. He is a gentleman. u mentioned that
\";When i fell sick i saw the wonderful side of my hubby\"; well continue
with that feeling. Make him feel happy. Cook good food for him. Enjoy your life with him. Your inlaws r not with u at present so just be greatful
for this that you r not facing day-today problems with inlaws. Many indian
women ve to face this n there's no solution for it.

I am sorry for being so mean in what i am writing but ur situation should
be an eye opener for you. plz take control of ur life and urself before its too late and u entirely lose his respect n love for u.

GOOD LUCK dear friend!