Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi everyone,I am in the same boat as most of you.I have horrendous,greedy,rude in-laws. My hubby has seen everything i have been through bcoz of them.We are in US now.My hubby has never opened his mouth against them ever.The thing is ours was a love marriage.I always keep blaming myself for this state of mine.
I want him to have at least some anger for them bcoz of all that has happened.Dowry issues,insults everything. But on the other hand he loves them to bits.He is a very good hubby otherwise.He loves me,cares for me.He has even told me that he understands that they were wrong but he also believes that me and my parents were wrong sometimes.He says he cannot scream at them at this age. Also he has promised me that he will always protect me from them,that if we ever go back to india they will never stay with us etc. They will only visit once in awhile.He has done their visa for them recently bcoz they are always cribbing about how lonely they are in india.He and his brother are planning to call them for awhile but he hid this fact from me.He got their visa done without my knowledge bcoz he says he knew i would get mad at him.
Also whenever i go out to visit my family here or to india,they (his parents)crib a lot and emotionally blackmail him.Bcoz of this he gets extra close to them and behaves like a baby when i am back with them on the phone.This irritates the hell out of me.I have started to think that all they need is alone time to totally brainwash my hubby.I am scared now to even go anywhere for few days.
Friends i am going thro a tough time. I am always stressed out and keep thinking what will happen in future.What if they totally brainwash him.
My hubby says he will never get brainwashed but i don't know how to believe him anymore.
He got their visa done without my knowledge and now he says if they come they will not come for too long only a month or so and will stay more with my BIL.
I am trying to say that he is saying all the right things but i am getting so stressed out.
I want him to be disgusted by their behavior,to not do anything for them.I know that is mean,but that is why i am here friends.
He has made some mistakes in the past regarding all this and now it has all come back in my mind.
I cannot concentrate on anything.
I want to know if how i am thinking is right or wrong.
The gist of my story is:My hubby loves me a lot.My in-laws have been terrible to me and my family.But my hubby loves them too much and keeps doing everything for them and never confronts them about it.I am jealous of all this and have lost faith in my hubby.
Please help.
Girija girija replied. Thanks Rekha,your advice makes sense.My hubby is foolish when it comes to them.His brother gets away with everything but my hubby is so emotional.Anyways i will try to keep myself cool and see the things from his perspective.
Thank you,
Girija Rekha replied. I have a question for u...if suppose u'r parents had done somthing which would have caused u'r hubby lot of pain or discomfort...would u totally disown u'r parents?
I'm not saying that u'r in laws did right...and but maybe u'r hubby doesn't want to confront them becasue he thinks they r his elders and have sacrificed so much over the years to raise him..and even though they r at fault he doesn't want to be mean to them. For him he loves his parents...so it is easy for him to forgive his parents...but u r new...U don't have those kind of feelings for them...hence it is difficult for u to forgive them. If u'rs is a love marraige...sounds like u'r in laws were not very keen on the marraige...so for u'r hubby...maybe he feels that by atleast letting him finally marry the love of his life his parents have made some compromise...I know i know..it's u'r and his life and what backward thinking is that...but there u have it...our culture is a bit wierd in places. Our parents feel that only they have the right to choose the right partners for us!!!!!

Anyways..back to them coming to visit...however mean his parents r..they r still his parents and he loves them and it's difficult for him to turn that switch off. So my advise.....although it is really difficult for u...specially since u don't have any soft feelings for them....do it for u'r husbands sake.
Let him know u r not happy...but they r his parents and so as long as they don't try to casue problems between u two..u will be nice to them.
As for feeling jealous...as time goes...u will have more hold/say with u'r husband than his parents. The bond will grow between u 2..and becasue of distance and u guys having u'r own life their hol will get less.
Don't make u'r life miserable right now. Let the past be for now....be happy with u'r hubby and take one day at a time when u'r in -laws visit. If u don't like something they r saying just get up and walk away.
All the best