Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

hello everyone,

I just need your suggestions as how should i go abt my career.

Well its now almost 2.5 year of my marriage and am due for my first child in Oct 06.

Till now, I have many conflicts with my MIL and FIL as they are quite interfereing and controlling. Even a stage reached in my life that she blamed me for hitting her. She has done so much interference in our private life that discussing all that just make me HATE HER.

She just have two sons and am married with the elder one, who is very obedient and more have been upbringed as the most responsible kid of the family in terms of doing work. The other son is quite independent and normal i would say.

He respects his parents but also puts his foot forward after a point. But my husband can not say NO to anything his parents say. Also his mother has upbring him like a daughter so some extent who used to help her in teh kitchen than going out and playing with kids.

My husband loves his mom too much so much so that can't hear anything abt her.

My intial married life was hell as i had arranged marriage so didn't have much repo with DH intitally and MIL made my private room like her room. Till 8 months, she didn't allow me to do any work for my DH, not even taking care of his undergarments. I am working so i used to leave my home wth DH early morning and came back in teh evening. After us, she used to go to our bedroom, and changed bedsheets on my bed (don't understand till now why) and used to open almira and keep DH's undergarments and pressed cloths before my return so that i don't have idea abt his things so soon.

Surprisingly, there were lot many things which were very irritated for me being a newly married girl but since my DH never supported me and always asked me to say sorry for reacting to inlaws interference. It broke me from inside to the extent that i lost my TRUST ON ARRANGED MARRIAGE.

I am earing good salary and been a scholar since my school. Earned so much respect for my parents always from my Teachers and Neighbours. But my MIL's behaviour made me refute back. MY HUSBAND IS QUITE AFRAID OF HIS FATHER TILL DATE AND NEVER utter a word of support ot me wn they used to blame me for my behaviour before him.

Today, wn i am preggo and have somewhat better repo with DH and understood very well that refuting with these kind of inlaws will just earn me bad name. I changed my approach, I started behaving with MIL, FIL as my own parents (i did behaved this way initially but wn they used it to control me like a slave as his son, i stopped) but today i keep giving them love and respect irrespective of the fact that they didn't reciprocate it in the same way.

Today, things are that I am going to be a mother in a few months so am afraid
(1) should i leave my job and take care of my kid as i don't want my MIL to upbring another son of hers like my DH

(2) but on second thought, i think being at home will further make me irritated as because of her habit she will definitely interfere and keep on intructing me everything, which will make me tense and may be another round of confict and tension starts.

I am so much so upset with all the FUSS and drama they creat that i just want to ignore that atleast for few hours wn i am office.

But I am a emotional mother as well and want to give all my attention to my child

Do u guys think leaving my new born baby for with MIL for more hours will make my life more worse.

Will my kid be more dependable on my inlaws than me if i don't leave my job.

Few people advise me that leaving kid to the MIL is a good idea as that will make her busy and her attention will be diverted to other things. But am totally confused what to do.

I always aimed for a balanced life. We can't change our elders so i know i have to live with MIL FIL attitude but don't want any tension what so over.

CAn u guyz please suggest me, all this is just making me sleepless at this stage.

luv to all
vandana bonny replied. i can understand ur situation. as i am also pregnant and my inlaws are the same as urs. me and my husband though staying in a different city have full plans to move to inlaws' place for the rest of my life which idea i stronly dislike as i want to bring up my kis the way i want and not the way my mil wants. i have left job for the time being and will not leave any stones unturned as it is concerning my baby who is most important to me at this point of time. i am trying hard to cope up so tht we continue to stay separately rather than together and may be tht will lead to some misunderstandings with my hubby but i strongly believe tht will go after some time. may be he will be angry with me for some time or may be we will fight for some time but time is the best healer. i think u should not leave ur kid in ur in laws hands completely. try to spent as much time with ur kid as possible and ignore mil's presence. i swear u will be so busy and excited with ur baby u wont mind ur mil's presence.
best of luck
take care rocky replied. If you stayed home it will drive you crazy and your mil will be telling you that you do not know how to raise a baby and that's going to cause problems with your dh.
On the other hand it does keep your mil out of your face and busy. BUT, will she interfere in your parenting like my mil does? Which has caused my oldest daughter to treat me bad.

It's hard to say. Maybe you should work part-time. You will have the best of both worlds. You can always tell your mil that you want to give her time with the baby and have \";your\"; time for the baby as well.
Good luck.