Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

hello everybody,
If anyone needs to talk to an experienced psychiatrist, then i am always here to help the needy.
but you should tell me all the details i'll ask.
you can read about me in \";introduction to naveen kumar\";.

loveguru replied. Once people started pouring out, loveguru has disappeared. rocky replied. MY daughter has behavioral problems and it's associated with my in-laws. I took my child to a therapist only to have them give me the third degree (almost accusing me of child-abuse because my daughter acts out/manipulates from what she sees my mother-in law get away with. I found out last year that all those times my daughter spent with the grandmother, she was hurting my child. My mother-in law treats me like dirt in front of my kids while my husband has no clue. When i tell him he doesn't believe me. Now my daughter has learned that it's ok to treat me this way too. I will not let my daughter get away with this behavior so now she evokes sympathy from strangers and acquaintances to discredit me and make me feel bad for not allowing her to get away with things like: stealing, lying, manipulating to obtain items,...ect. THerapist asked me if i was afraid that she lies about me and i said \";that among other things too\";. THings like that can lead to having people think your abusive because it's common to be accused...guilty until proven innocent. That was why i wanted my child to see a therapist so she can learn that it's not right, instead they think i'm hiding something. My daughter did come to my defense, and stated that she wanted to change for the better. But we (daughter and I) mutually dislike the therapy center. A month before i asked her pediatrician for strattera for her because she was diagnosed as adhd when she was three. Now she is 10 and she does not display hyperactiveness. 2 weeks before the appointment with dr.psych/therapist i took her off the meds so the dr. could evaluate her and determine if she can control herself or she can't. SHe displayed a placebo effect in the beginning. You see, i told her that when on meds for her behavior she would feel that she doesn't want to eat, well that night she didn't want to eat (didn't give her meds yet). Next day she didn't want to eat (still didn't give her meds). Had pediatrician talk to her and said to my daughter her appetite will go back to regular. Power of suggestion. So the DR.psych/therapist was mad that i took her off meds. I just wanted a true evaluation. My daughter said that it worked a little, again it could be the power of suggestion. Is it common to immediately be put on meds and then evaluated? saeeda replied. i have seperated from my husband in 2003 with my son.my son is used to go to shool i earn my self i live alone with my son. we have very bad relations . but my son used to go to his father home on alternative day, they r trying to snach him from me. please help me to get rid from this situation, my husband is adictive. he never take care of my son properly they just ruin him. now he is older enough to ask my driver to take him to his father. what i do????????? seema replied. Thanks LoveGuru ... you seem like another 'archie' around (if u know what i mean) :)

Here is your first case.

My probem - same old problem - with my MIL.

About me- engineer, working in a software firm in delhi, (same thing about hubby). Married 7 yrs. 4 yr old son, expecting another kid soon. MIL stays with us since son was born, FIL no more. Son \";taken care of by maid and supervised by MIL\"; when i am in office.

I am of the type - do what makes sense. I respect elders, believe in staying with elders and believe that they are our responsibility when they are old.

MIL - retired teacher, has managed her home, kids, job well. She was like an ugly-duckling amongst good-looking inlaws so made herself perfect in everything else (cooking, stitching, marketting, etc etc). Extremely well in maintaining social relationships(but her son and daughter dont respect her being too social as it always impacted family life).
- She encourages my working and studying, cooks dinner (only daal tadka and subji - refuses to cook if maid is not present for help) if i am coming late from office, doesnt object me wearing trousers.
- Doesnt watch serials, but watches News channels and Satsang channels all day (TV rarely shuts off). Mostly takes good care of my son, but just supervizes.
- She cant do without a maid (not because she is old but because she is a MIL and because this is not her house - and she herself has said this to us :-).

My hubby feels that she is more of a 'show off' person and less affectionate. I too feel so.

Most important - she is the most egoistic person we have ever seen (even my hubby and his sister say so).

Hubby - Great person. Balances mother and wife well. Agrees to me about the issues i have mentioned. Suggests me to do ego-massage to her always so that she stays happy. Speaks against mother when it hurts him, never speaks against her for me as she gets enraged. Believes I am a better 'mother' than his mom as \";I love the kid more than she did\";, take better care of the kid even though my office hours are long, i give more priority to kids than to relatives and guests. We share v good relationsip and are best friends.

Kid - loves her Dadi very much. Is also afraid of her (that she will scold him if something goes wrong). Doesnt complain much when Dadi is away (or may be because he is too busy to miss her).

As a person, i have no issues with MIL.

I have issues for the way she treats me/family. She gets upset with me over little things at periodic intervals- and disturbs family peace every 7 days or so. I cant do so much of ego-massage that when you are at home you are only thinking of making her happy and behave as she says (thats what ny hubby does, really.).

Sometimes when there is a clash and MIL gets upset, she goes to her hometown and doesnt return (stays alone there) till we go there and bring her (once she created a scene on phone when my hubby asked her to come home because we could not go there as i was pregnant and suggested by doc Not to travel. Ultimately we had to go there to bring her.)

Steps taken by me - initially i used to pleade her when she was upset, say sorry and set things right. But facing it every 7 days along with my other tensions, had started getting on my nerves. Every time I pacified her, i had a tension \";when next will the bomb explode\";. There was no specific reason that I could avoid to keep her calm.

I started losing confidence, started getting dominated by ppl, lost decision power, and lost my identity in office.
I started speaking against her, when she started blaming my upbringing and my parents/culture.

Now that i have revolted, i feel relaxed. I live life my own way, and i am happy. We rarely speak. Home is peaceful most times.

What i want? - I know this is not the right way for a family. She is my hubby's mother and has done mostly all that i do for my son.
Currently she is in her hometown since a month. I know she needs us. For me too, i feel more secure when she is at home with my kid when i am in office. I also know that it is difficult to change her at this age. I can forsee that as age grows, her health might go down and she will need us more (however she feels she can stay without us and her relatives are better than us, it is we who need her she doesnt need us).

I only want her to stay with us and maintain peace. Rest all is manageable. a reader replied. 1. are u the same loveguru who comes in a late nigh radio show in delhi (and airs more songs than advices)?

2. whats the objective behind giving out free advices? 20 yrs of experience means u must be damn busy and earning oodles of money daily. How do you manage reading this forum?

a reader