Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

hi everybody,
this is Dr. Naveen Kumar(M.D.Psychology), have more than 20yrs of experience in understanding human psychology.
I am studying problems of ladies here, trying to guide them with my experience.
one thing i want to share with everybody that there are only few cases which can be solved by advices given on this site.
Ladies who already have a negative attitude write only the negative sides of their relation, they hide the positive things and the result is they get wrong advices.
i am not saying that the person giving advice is wrong but many times he is not known to each and every fact.
people will respond to only points they know, but if many points are hidden from them then how could he/she give advice to anybody.
So, i request you all to be alert before giving advices bcoz many lives can be effected with your wrong or right advices.
Sometimes there can be just a little misunderstanding or i can say that girls are afraid of their in-laws even before their marriage and they develop some kind of negative attitude towards in-laws, i agree that several times dil's have to suffer from their in-laws but everbody has not the same problem.
One last thing, ladies who are going to take some wrong action needs support & encouragement, they go out for advice and they don't tell people honestly when they themselves were wrong.
Ladies,tell me one thing that why do you all consider the woman looking for advice here is always right, she may be wrong and you all people encourage her without knowing all the facts.

Honestly i felt very bad with many cases where all the facts were not clear but still ladies give advices by cosidering the advice-seeker as lady perfect, who is always right and the whole world is wrong.

loveguru Mani replied. 20 YRS..AND THIS IS WHAT U COME UP WITH!!!!

People who write on this board r not perfect..and people who give advice r not either.
U of all people should know...than many a times one just wants to vent out...say it out loud, express it to someone, get someone's sympathy or differnt point to view..to feel better because that day..that paticular day they r having a bad day.

It's reassuring to know u r not alone or that some one cares..and sometimes these strangers out here....give u food for though. Yes..they r only getting my point of view and not my husband's or his family...but i don't care...i'm upset and i want to let it out!!!!
If i was to come to ur office and sit on u'r couch...that's the same story i would tell u....u don't know their side of the story either...so how is that different???

Frankly on this board i have never seen anyone give advise to leave their husbands( unless violence involved) or break bonds between husband and in laws.
Basically just tips how to manage bad situations or uncomfortale instances!! And at the end of the day it's that persons own wish of what he/she wants to do!! SR replied. Go to hell Mr Psychology!!! And get a life.
We don't need your stupid advice. friend replied. I agree that when someone seeks advice here, others might not see the complete picture and hence the advice given might not definitely be right always. Additionally, those giving advice are also one of us and not proffessionals like you (;-)

Well, I think we all know the underlying \";disclaimer\"; - to use the suggestions at our own discretion!
It is the responsibility of the \";advice seeker\"; to show the complete picture before seeking advice. And we expect the \";advice seeker\"; to be wise enough to know which advice to accept and which not.

I agree that negativity does come in here many times.

Its a long discussion. What I feel is - our world has always been a place of Exaggeration. Have a new system in place and it gets exaggerated.

These Indian customs for DILs probably were made for betterment of family but now thay have got exaggerated and taken such ugly forms that we hardly see anything good coming out of it. This had to happen. Good old Indian 'joint family' system is breaking down, we are going towards something like \";western culture/double-income-no-kids/double-income-single-child\";.

I personally feel that nuclear families, keeping old parents away is not right. I personally feel our Indian idea of sharing love, staying together is the MOST CORRECT one!

But just watch out. All this culture will collapse soon.
And thats the fate YOU INDIAN MEN HAVE WRITTEN FOR US.

Today's Indian woman is gaining power and is refusing to obey senseless rules and injustice.
In such a large number of DILs, it is possible that some of us go the wrong way. But who can stop them? Can you?

Probably that's the price you all/we all/Indian Culture has to pay for its past ignorance.

Why did you men not think of changing the system when you had time? Why dont you, Mr Kumar, go and share your thoughts in newspapers/articles/other media to try and change this stupid Indian system and save the good-old Indian-joint-family system? Why dont you rather hold forums with Indian men that 'hey this is whats happening to our society so lets save it'..?

why dont you start telling your male friends - \";hey your father and mother dont do any work at home and only DIL slogs, Please ask them to do some housechores\"; ....or ....\";friend, your wife works, cooks, takes care of kids, why dont you take up some of the housechores like making breakfast or making dinner?\";.

Mr Kumar - how much of this do you do? Do you believe men and women are equal?

I am not throwing things back to you. Just telling you that yes we appreciate what you say but this cant be stopped so easily. Because - a successful family is the responsibility of EVERYBODY in the family - from FIL, MIL, to son, DIL and even the kids. AND NOT JUST THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE DIL.

You men have not contributed to its success. Now dont blame us for its failure.

:-) thanks replied. R u really a psychologist ???????? huh. like u every one of the ladies venting here have 20 plus years of human psychology experience. And y r u being pessimistic in giving advices since u say that \";there are only few cases which can be solved by advices given on this site.\"; We want moral support and a compassionate heart to understand our problems not advices.