Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi
I appreciate ur concern and thoughts but i want to listen to the whole part of it. i am writing to u in bangla. hope u wud understand. ami karur sympathy ba pity chai na neither ma chele ke alada korte chai na amar se rokom kono motivation nei. ami basically proff(B tech) due to a complicated preg i left job kintu i am the only eaning member for my parents. amar baba retd mom housewife amar salary tei sonsar cholto. babar kono pension nei. amar baba has spent every bit of mney in my education , bari ,and biye. ami oder boro cheler moto tai amar anek resp. ei sob amar hubby janleo inlaws jane na. 2ndly ami inlaws der kache giye thakle choto baby niye job join korte parbo na . bcos inlaws both working ekhane amar ma royeche tai ma dekh bhal korte parto. aar ami jokhon okhane jai i try my level best to be like them. oder food , oder dressing aar obviously speak in hindi as they all r hindi speaking. ami eta expect kori na amar husband amar relatives der sathe bangla te katha bolbe bcos ei lang o jane na kintu small jestures toh hoi jemon gurujonder pranam kara do-aikta word bola ota bodhoy eto difficult noy. ebar boli customs culturer katha. amar inlaws brahmakumaris (A religious sect) based in mnt abu. oder bari bharti posters and slogans...their belief. leave alone nonveg, onion-garlic oder barite dhoke na. onara kothao baire khan na, karur hate khan na, hotel rest any body's house big no-no..sei jonno ami aiktu scared chilam je amar chotto baby jodi choto bela theke oi poribese thake seo serakam hobe which i dnt want. ami take sustho sabhabhik jiban dite chai. khub ki bhul chai?? ma theke chele ke alada korte chai na amra gelam ba ora ese roilen amader kache tahole ki bhalobasha dekhano hoy na unless untill u r staying under the same roof? next pnt amar mil er mil,fil aiki sahare thake but inn a different house though my mil's house is big enough???//leave tht aspect now coming to health and hygine part of life. tumi bodhoy jano bengalis aiktu parishkar parichonno hoy. amar inlaws in one word hygine er h o jane na. sabji aikbar dhuye raater kitchen e pore thake bartan na dhuye khabar deya, fruit na dhuye khete deya oder obhesh. ami toh e bhave boro hoini tai amar abak laage. tumi bodhoy bhabcho petty things niye ami chinta korchi but if u think daily life e this is imp. ebar boli taste ar ruchir byapar.amar mil fil dujonei bhalo earning kore, plus they have another house on rent, sab miliye very good income in a mnth, but aikta taka kharcha karar age 10 bar bhave. as 4 example water filterer candle every yr boil kore niye use kore jokhon kina others time to time change korai, barite white wash onara nijerai koren lok diye korale besi taka khorcha hobe bole. ami egulo tomay bollam just to give u an idea oder family str ta kirokom. amar hubby though earning handsomely 3/4 sends home every mnth, i never say a word abt it to him, karon eta o chele hisebe kortobbo korche, kintu at the same time if i ask for a small thing like door mat(Rs40) o bole \"; jaroorat kya hai\"; purana parda sil ke bana lena??????kichu justification ache??? naki etao culture custom jeta amai adapt korte hobe???jaroorat toh tahole kichuri nei, bari rent na niye foothpath e thaklei hoy? ami kintu aikta katha bariye bolchi na. ami jete chai na karon okhane gele ei sabhav aro bere jabe chele puro puri baba mar upor dependent hoye jabe, o konodin nije resp hobe na or wife maaane ami ba amar baby r proti. i never tell all these things to anyone tumi atogulo katha likhecho bole tomake bolchi. ebar boli gifts deya neyar byapar. amar baba ma financially weak hote pare, kintu amar bday hubby bday durgapujo ba amader anniversary amader bhalo gift diyeche. ei kono occassion ei amar inlaws kichu deyni. on top of tht amar hubby amai aikta ring gift korate amar mil amar samne boleche \";beta itna kharcha karna theek nahi\";itana mehenga gift\";!!! jodio gift was not so MEHENGA???i am asking how u wud have felt?ami amar hubby r kache kokhono kichu chai na, ma baba ami anek kichu dei, o jodi sab kichui or parents der dei i have no issues with it, kintu i feel atleast o or baby r jonno spent korbe .ami jokhon amar hubby ke kono expensive gift di amar parents kintu react kore na.jani na tomay koto ta ki bojhate parlam. i made an honest effort, and i dnt have any hard feelings towards anybody. ami very simple at heart and spostobadi . may be u wud analyse and read my mail with patience. thnx for showing ur concern. sonu replied. Hi bonny,

I read ur reply , cud analyse everything...its better to change ur hubby.U r absolutely not wrong..but few peoples are very hard to change as they are adapt to stay that way from childhood and ofcz he is a man, full of ego..

Bonny try to explain each and everything very calmly to ur hubby.That it is not the way to live life. If you are earning whom are u earning for??? and why did u got married??? Ask him clearly as you are earning handsomely u shud stay elengantly.Why to live stringy life though you earn enough to live comfortably? Tell him clearly in very good way.

I know that Brahmakumaris. There advices and slogans are very hard to digest. Frankly speaking I cant stand them. Is ur hubby also a believer??? I don't understand how can ur hubby be so narrow To buy a gift also he needs to say his mom Actually he need to taught that after marriage life changes. As its not same for a girl after marriage its also for boy too .Theres lots of responsibilities of his wife. Not only money wise ..Emotional, Social, everything..

If some thing is hurting u he should be one who shud ask you first whats the matter??? He shud be the first solving problem of urs with ur inlaws.Untill and unless he don't support you specially infront of ur inlaws life is never goin to change..

I don't understand what is the point sending his parents money as they both are earning handsomely in this age also.. U know bonny as u said u were running house before marriage,now also its ur responsibility to take good care of ur mom's house. Its only ur hubby need to change abit and everything will change by itself..

He shud take charge now of ur house and take decision by his own including u

Try to take him in confidence

With love,
Sonu