Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

i am trying my level best to suit my husband's tastes but he does not seem to like the food we cook( i mean my mom is staying with me nowadays during my preg). i look from the internet and try new dishes but he is never satisfied . me and my mom have not eaten the food tht we like for such a long time but who cares. she is in fact sacrificing for me just bcos of my health problems. i feel bad abt all this. my mom is not happy . my parents feel bad tht their daughter is not living the way she shud be, inlaws not happy for their own stupid reasons...i dnt know who is happy and in peace???? i never thought abt all these aspects before marriage. i thought we would be staying alone not with inlaws and as he a guy of modern outlook he will never have prejudices abt food and all stuff. for me it is i eat wht i prefer u eat wht u prefer or like and surely i wll cook for u...but it is not so easy. i really dnt want my kid to be like this i want to blend both cultures in him or her i dnt want any differences then.. i dnt know how to do tht i want my kid to learn my language my mothertongue and wud like to communicate with him/her in tht lang. i dnt know if this is a problem with me only but as sonu said in her previous mail i cannot give up everything wht ever i had for the past 26 yrs and totally embrace a diff culture and custom and shun everything wht ever i learnt from childhood. it sounds absurd to me. i believe in love marriage u need not try to change yr partner completely u can have expectations frm both sides not only one side. my hubby loves me a lot but he is stringent on these matters. i dnt know with time may be he will change a bit or may be more flexible.i can only hope for tht. i am staying in india and after my delivery my husband is planning to move to stay with his parents and then things would be much more difficult for me and my lil baby. i dnt know how to tackle this problem as he has not directly told me this. i have overheard the conversation between him and his parents. it is bcos he will always go to another room when he talks to his parents as for me i talk in frnt of him if any of my family member or relatives call as i find there is nothing to hide frm ur husband.well dnt knoow how to come out of this? kindly suggest me sonu replied. Hi bonny,

I can understand each and every aspects u r goin thru. Its frustuation dear.Try to relax and think positive first.Think correctly each words i m writing to u.In India, marriage are nevr between 2 persons but two families.Its not one day affair but full life two families has to face each other in small small get to gather or any family function of you two.If your husband wants to stay n move back with his mom whats wrong in it.After all she is his mom.How can a son be separted from his mom or from his family only for his wife sack..So what if its a love marriages...I dont know y u both dint discuss this before marriage.But it comes but obvious that when a girl get marry she shud follow husband's culture and customs..Did u have any example that after marriage a boy is adapting his wife's surname n customs???

Ofcos u will feel pity on ur mom bcz she cant eat her own choice food in ur house but it was ur own choice and she is ur own mom so u r more concern.As u r concern abt ur mom ur husband is also concern about his mom so its ok nothing to get pity on anybody.u try to be in his shoes an think pls..by getting aggitated it will only ur marriage in rocks.

You said as i gave up everything u are not goin to its all per choice.Just think n compare Before marriage u use to speak bengali in ur house n now after marriage is it possible for u to speak bengali with ur husband??? Before marriage u used to et nonveg food but is it possible to eat that kind of food with ur husband.U said he is little stringy in this issues what u expect from him to change him like a bengali fellow...Bonny its not bad to make him as a bengali fellow infront of ur parents but did u ever try true heartly to be a Marwari woman infront of ur MIL..

Words are nonstop but Actions are more important my dear friend..I gave up everthing my food, my culture everything but u know what i got in return...Right from beginning of my marriage i mn wearing my red and white bangles(shaaka pola), my hubby had started learning bengali now bcs he feels as i m fluent in gujarati n talks frankly with his mom n can share everythg with his family he also wans to talk in bengali with my family n relatives...It was only we used to stay abroad from 4 yrs so no problem but now we r moving back in India so he is trying hard n touch wood he had learnt many things..He also think my baby girl to learn bengali but first gujarati...I dont have any problem..why pressurise him as he is already in confidence to make my hubby n baby learn bengali...

For culture he also comes for Durga Puja and return gifts.Nothing wrong bit little tact wise.Like in durga pooja we want return gift right...so my hubby n me go for shooping n gives my parents gifts n in returns my parents gives to me n my hubby n my baby.I dont include my MIL in this things.When it come in my hubby's culture to get things from my parents tht time also we go to shop n buy things for ourselves n tell they ( my parents) gv money to buy...Issue stop no quarrels no issues...

Foodwise u dont believe bonny my hubby family eats nonveg right from beginning but it only my hubby who dont eat n dont give to make.Even my MIL and his relatives eat n told me to eat but it was me who told no as i know he will feel odd n it will be a regular issue in future so for my future i left far ago before our marriage so now its not a problem anymore.Even in my mom's house whenever i visit them they make his choice food.U might be knowing Bonny that our method of making food of 1 veggie is totally different from other state.But my mom n sis use to cook same as my hubby like...Because they can see he had kept me nicely n i m happy.

U know i even ate my 3 shaad in my pregnancy and did annaprassna for my baby.

Everytime giving up is a way to win too my dear..Think alot in this issues for ur marriage sack..N try to find happiness in ur marriage.Love marriages are done in our own choice dont try to make others say it was wrong choice.

believe me it was always good advice to you never to blame you.

take care of ur health n no offense

sonu