Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I have been a silent reader on this board and need some help and suggestion.As I have never lived in this kind of situation, I sincerely need your suggestion.

I live with my husband in US. My MIL and FIL had come to visit us for 6 months ago. FIL is back in india now and MIL will be leaving shortly.
This is the first time I have lived with in laws and I find my MIL to be of not very stable personality.She has bad mouth to me about all her inlaws (including her SIL and BIL's who are all deceased) people. People I have never seen or met. She bad mouths her own Brothers and their wife's. She even bad mouth s about her own husband. I don't know if she wants our sympathy ot what? Why she does this. My husband has only one sibiling and they have never got along since they were teenager. To this day they don't talk or are on friendly terms.The fact that my mil's children don't talk to each other does not bother MIL at all. All she cares about is having an excellent rapport with both of them. I find that very strange as I am very close to my family members.
What shocked me the most is that being that she is 64 years old, the greed in her is immense. She wants to buy some jewellery from here for herself. We had decided to spend few hundred (300-400 dollars for her to buy it. But her plans are to spend much more than that. I don't know how to tell her that we don't want to?? Now she tells me she wants this and that. It amazes me the greed in her at this age.
What will be tactful way to say no.
Please help me with ideas and suggestions.
Anu
loveguru replied. you should talk to your mother in law with politeness about spiritual values and meditation, and told her that it's the time to remember God and not looking for worldly plessures.
Also told her that her son and dil will give her gifts according to their limits.
you have to handle this situation tactfully as she also has negative attitude. Same boat replied. My mil is also above 60 .My hubby gave her a gold biscuit earlier..she was very happy and like his husband didn't give her much gold , proud that her son is giving her..Now my hubby wants to give more jewelry worth thousand rupees as a gift..apart from the ten thousand dollars he is giving them .
I can't even fight cos he will say that why can't you be happy in my happiness.Is money so imp. to me that i need to fight with him?
I really don't know what to do ? dont be duped replied. Am in the same boat for same things, greedy inlaws, hubby's siblings dont care much about each other.

First of all, my husband has brothers so brothers dont bond the same way brothers and sisters or sis-sis do. Plus my bils are typical indian men. Talk about women,sports and smoke. My husband doesnt do any of those. So beside casual conversation he doesnt care much. Finally my husband left India 15 years ago to come to US, so he is out of touch too.
Find your reasons..and as long as your husband is affectionate to you and normal.. what do you care.
About the money issue, sometimes fil leave their wives(mil) behind so that they can order or demand money, gifts and such stuff and just sound like mom in front of our husbands without looking greedy and a joint demanding inlaws pair.
Old wives complaining about their husbands is really common. And insecure women really complain about everybody, so just leave it at that.

Let your husband be the person to tell her the budget. But make it clear with your husband not to let her have her way or everything in future will be the same way, and that will be the bar as if it is minimum amount. Indian relatives have a rosy picture of finances in US.
Will you believe my mil thinks that just like it is 50 rs for them, it is 50$ for us so we should spend like that on them!!!!
Whether or not they are deluded or plain smart is a conversation for other times..but stick to your budget, let the husband be the messanger and just nod at all complain she has, she is just trying to fool you into thinking u are good in her books, she will just complain about you to others too.
Good luck.